Survey Says Ebola Is a Real Thing That Is Just About as Dangerous as Cigarettes

The Ebola virus (or E-bola, the electronic virus that infects computers), an epidemic in West Africa, has spread to computers worldwide, leading the United States Computer Emergency Readiness Team to declare an emergency. The team is working closely with Intel Security to contain the outbreak.

Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Puts the Nasty in Dynasty

In this stunning, never-before-seen and recently uncovered video, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson has some hobbies that most people will find far outside the mainstream.



Drink up, wise quacker, your beard needs lots of nourishment--giving the rest of us a real reason to "fear the beard".

Rebecca's Black Friday

A Special Report by Dubious Monk



Mon. Nov. 25, 2013 (Fargo, N.D.) - Black Friday evokes all kinds of things to the average consumer. Deep discounts and doorbuster deals are enticing and have consumers lining up to snag them—which is exactly what retailers want. But most retailers have limited quantities of heavily-discounted items, which require consumers to be crafty in how they get those must-have gifts.

This is where the atypical suburbanite Mrs. Rebecca Robinson comes in. A forty-something year old woman who has ruthlessly perfected her holiday shopping strategy. Known as a fearsome "powershopper" amongst her small community, Robinson's skills are respected, if not despised, by all who know her.

Universal Obamacare on the Mend

Tue. Oct. 8, 2013 (Krapsody) - Late this afternoon the switch to turn the government back on has been flipped. Dems have acknowledged that in order to satiate and reward repubs, they had to provide some incentive to reach an agreement over the Obamacare stand-off.

As part of the deal that has been struck, Obama's much lauded death panels have gotten the green light. As per the agreement, Republicans will get to choose one patient each to die in a trade-off between affordable care and the forceful nature of the socialist empire.

If you did not get the memo, the Federation
will not comply with straightforward answers
to your questions about Obamacare.



Most likely the death panels will begin cutting off life support for persons in vegetative states first, and then slowly begin denying expensive treatments to other individuals on the grounds that treatments are "not medically necessary".

Be prepared to see an increase in medical malpractice as inexperienced interns will cause the health care industry to be flooded with complaints and lawsuits.
Hey, the end . . . always justifies the means, people.

Additionally, placebos will be commonplace as well as unlicensed medical procedures will not only be encouraged, they may be necessary in some circumstances as citizens may have to wait months to get an appointment with their physicians inside the government-required health care juggernaut.

Those needing treatments and procedures to improve their health or save their lives can visit their local bookstore and/or visit e-tailers like Amazon to purchase how-to guides.

Examples of the kinds of specialties you could expect to see on store shelves include "The How-To Guide: Home Anesthesiology", "Self-Appendectomy For Idiots", "Semi-healthy Alternatives to Chemotherapy" and "Neurosurgery For Dummies".

Look for Krapsody's own procedural guide: "How to Perform a Vasectomy in 30 Seconds" available on the web for the low low introductory price of $9.95 plus $3 in "just for the fuck of it" fees.


Hangin' with Einstein

Who was Albert Einstein?

Most people know him as the biggest super genius to ever live in this world — even smarter than Stephen Hawking and Al Roker combined.

Albert Einstein (b. 1879 - d. 1955) was a German-American physicist, who won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1921. He was a mathematics professor at the Institute for Advanced Study at Princeton, and a mentor for clowns at Clown University, a private educational institution that was funded by a communist organization.

Ronald McDonald and Ronald Reagan attended and graduated from Clown U and went on to do great things with the knowledge they acquired there.

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