Federal agents have determined New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer used a high-priced call-girl ring at least eight times in recent months, agents had him under surveillance twice this year which led up to his getting caught. This lurid sex scandal ends the brash, ambitious career of New York's governor. On March 12, 2008 the disgraced politician stepped down, saying, "I did not live up to what was expected of me", and he cannot allow his "private failings to disrupt the public's work." His resignation as governor of New York is effective on March 17.
But the clues to his demise go years back. Gov. Spitzer gave an exclusive interview with Krapsody reporter Dubious Monk giving you an inside look into this recent scandal.
Dubious Monk: If you haven't heard by now, Eliot Spitzer the Governor of New York was caught with his tailored trousers down in a little prostitution probe. Although whom was probing whom and with what is still not clear. Once describing himself as a political "steamroller." In the end this proud politician appears to have only crushed himself. Thank you for joining us today Gov. Spitzer!
Dubious Monk: The people of New York and the entire country would like to know why you spent taxpayers money on high-priced call-girls and not $5.00 prostitutes like every other politician? Can you shed any light on why you would do such a thing and where your morals were at the time when you thought you could get away with such inconceivable actions?
Gov. Spitzer: Everyone should know by now that in order to succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles, by throwing them out the window. Frankly, I just wanted to relieve my "blue balls". Can you blame a guy? Just because I held a public office and declared I was against common citizens and other officials engaging in illicit sex with street walkers, old ladies, gay boys, or call-girls at these sex clubs doesn't mean I don't like doing that too. I got bored with internet porn and with common prostitutes, they're used goods man. Hookers hardly bathe between johns, they carry diseases and their crack habits were too much for me to bear. You have to pay for the good stuff. Since I was caught shagging it, I had to step down from my public office for partaking in an indecent act at the people's expense.
Gov. Spitzer: It seemed like the best thing to do before people starting digging and snooping into my affairs more. They would have found out I liked not only high-priced call-girls, but TS, TV, and bukkake barnyard animal action too, an act I like to refer to as 'Schpitzing'. And by golly I like my spankings and getting my weiner slapped at least once a day. God Bless America.
Dubious Monk: Can you say that since you were once considered a ferocious governor who broke up several of these very same sex rings you visited, that you can still avoid possible legal repercussions and potential disbarment after a sex scandal such as this?
Gov. Spitzer: Sure, why not? Look at Pres. Bill Clinton, Dubious. He bonked more than just Monica Lewinski in the oval office I'm sure. The only difference is I chose not to lie about it and immediately stepped down from my office. I admit I visited the massage parlors, the street corner floozies and call-girls every chance I got, including on my lunch hour during the week, also after the work day was over, and on weekends when my wife thought I was golfing. I've been doing it for years! I'm a sex addict ferchrissakes. No one needs to know that. Edit that please. Besides I can just use more taxpayer money to hire the best legal defense in the country that money could buy. Edit that also.
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