A Complete Disclaimer


Here is a complete disaster.... I mean, a Complete And Really Thorough Disclaimer for Krapsody readers. Pay special attention to the small print.





Disclaimer

ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS ON THIS SITE ARE FICTIONAL AND HAVE NO RELATION TO ANY REAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD. And yet, somehow, they still do. But by Dickens it's in the public domain. The Opinions Expressed here do not Necessarily Reflect Those of a Rational Mind. In addition the author is prone to ramble a lot.

Before relying on the material accessed from Krapsody, users should carefully evaluate its accuracy, currency, completeness, relevance for their purposes, and should obtain appropriate professional advice relevant to their circumstances.
Krapsody includes information provided by third parties and in some cases a fourth party, it's all one big party. So party on Wayne. Material provided by ANY parties has not been independently verified or validated. So don't give us krap if it's wrong. Additionally, no warranty either expressed or implied as to the use, accuracy or completeness of any materials provided or accessed from Krapsody is available to any user of the krap contained herein.

Krapsody is not for everyone. Clinical tests show that Krapsody may cause nausea, fatigue, cognitive dysfunction, and kidney or liver problems. Ask your doctor if Krapsody is right for you.

No animals were harmed in the making of this product. This product is not safe for anyone, anywhere at anytime. But especially on April Fool's Day. If multiple copies of this product exist, you are required to purchase all of them. By acquiring this statement you agree to certain financial considerations to support the makers of this product for the rest of your natural life. You have agreed to be bound by all terms of this Agreement by reading this sentence. Manufacturer may terminate this Agreement, the Product, and/or the User at any time without notice. In case of accidental ingestion of this product, seek professional help immediately. Product may evaporate in direct sunlight. No user-serviceable parts are contained inside. Testing this product may cause you to be sued by Intel, even if you're working for them. No copies of this product can be made, owned, or contemplated. This disclaimer is copyright ©2004-2011 by Static. Those who may be blind, suffering from toothache or a dog-lover should avoid using this product. Upgrades might be obtainable for a small fee. You may not reverse-engineer, decompile, disassemble, examine, or think about this product. Skin abrasion may result from rubbing your head on a piece of concrete. We do not recommend using this product while watching "Star Trek". This product is for external use only. Gloves should be worn at all times. Only one copy of the product may be in existence at any time. Being aware of the contents of this disclaimer invalidates your right to use the product.

This equipment may or may not comply with the limits for a Class B FCC device. Those who may be fond of singing should avoid using this product. Consumer hereby agrees that the manufacturer of this product cannot be held liable for anything whatsoever of any kind. Do not use this product if using high blood pressure medication. Do not use product near heat, sparks or open flames. Warranty void if Republicans are in control of Congress. Manufacturer may terminate this Agreement, the Product, and/or the User at any time without notice. Consult your physician if demonic. Warranty is automatically voided if product is copied or examined in any way. You are responsible for maintaining this product for the rest of your life. This disclaimer is copyright ©2004-2011 by Static. Operation in any way will invalidate the warranty. Shipping damage to the product should be reported to the carrier. Upgrades are definitely obtainable for a small fee. Do not allow this product to spontaneously combust. Opening the inner seal will immediately invalidate the warranty. If multiple copies of this product exist, you are required to purchase all of them immediately. We assume no liability for any damage caused by this product. This product is not safe for anyone, anywhere at anytime. But especially on April Fool's Day. You may signify agreement with these terms by breathing at any time. Do not allow product to come into contact with eyes. Do not puncture or incinerate this product. This product may not be used in Kentucky, Washington, Jefferson County, Iowa, New Brunswick, Florida, Alabama, Arkansas, Fremont or Georgia. Adequate lighting must be used with this product at all times. Only one copy of the product may be in existence at any time. This product is copyright © 2004-2011 by Static. Product not warranted if penguins are attacking the product at any time. Upgrades are always obtainable for a large fee. We do not recommend using this product with non-certified parts. Keep product tightly closed when not in use. Please keep your head and arms inside the car until the product has come to a full stop. Do not allow product to come into contact with skin. Overexposure may result in nausea. Both product and warranty are subject to change without notice. By acquiring this statement you agree to certain financial considerations to support the makers of this product for the rest of your natural life. Death does not invalidate this Agreement.


Only one copy of the product may be used for archival purposes. This is that copy. Skin abrasion may result from rubbing your head on a piece of concrete. Upgrades are always obtainable for a large fee. Product not warranted during any nuclear war. Do not allow product to come into contact with eyes. Some settlement of contents may have occurred during shipping. Warranty void if it's Thursday. This product is copyright © 2004-2011 by Static. Only one copy of the product may be in existence at any time. Those who may be left-handed should avoid using this product. Both product and warranty are subject to change without notice. Upgrades might be obtainable for a small fee. No user-serviceable parts are contained inside. Adequate lighting must be used with this product at all times. If you are aware of other copies of this product, you must report them or else you will be held liable for them. You agree to this condition by reading it. Do not allow this product to spontaneously combust. Product may be hazardous to wildlife. Consumer hereby agrees that the manufacturer of this product cannot be held liable for anything whatsoever of any kind. All modifications must be performed by a licensed mechanic. Gloves should be worn at all times. No liability is assumed for using this product on horseback. Do not shake this product. In case of accidental ingestion of this product, seek professional help immediately. Do not use this product for over seven days unless prescribed by your physician. Do not use this product if suffering from toothache. This product sold by weight, not volume. Keep product tightly closed when not in use. Warranty is automatically voided if product is thrown from a great height. This equipment may or may not comply with the limits for a Class B FCC device. Consult your physician if suffering from headache or demonic. Manufacturer may terminate this Agreement, the Product, and/or the User at any time without notice. You may not reverse-engineer, decompile, disassemble, examine, or think about this product. The Consumer Guarantees Act of New Zealand does not apply to this product. You may not rent, lease, give away or get rid of this product. Do not allow product to come into contact with skin. Customer assumes all responsibility for using product on plants. We will not in any circumstances be liable for any other damages whatsoever arising out of the use or inability to use or supply or non-supply of the product and any accompanying hardware and written materials, and this must be a legitimate sentence because Microsoft uses it in their license agreements too. This product may not be used in North Dakota, the Magic Kingdom, Connecticut, Hades or Alabama. You are responsible for maintaining this product for the rest of your life. Product may evaporate in direct sunlight. If multiple copies of this product exist, you are required to purchase all of them. Operation while watching "Star Trek" will invalidate the warranty. Use this product only in a clean, well-ventilated area. Overexposure may result in nausea. Manufacturer assumes no responsibility for using product upon the spleen. We do not recommend using this product upon gravel. Placing product inside a nuclear reactor may result in a hazardous condition. No animals were harmed in the making of this product. Do not puncture or incinerate this product. You may signify agreement with these terms by breathing at any time. You have relied upon your own skill and judgement in procuring this product, and therefore all liabilities for its use rest solely upon you. Being aware of the contents of this disclaimer invalidates your right to use the product. Warranty invalid if it's Thursday. Opening the inner seal will immediately invalidate the warranty. No copies of this product can be made, owned, or contemplated.


Those who may be farsighted, related to any lawyers or hungry should avoid using this product. This product may not be used in Memphis, Florida, New York, Jefferson County, Georgia, Arkansas, New Brunswick, Wisconsin or the United Kingdom. Do not shake this product. You have relied upon your own skill and judgement in procuring this product, and therefore all liabilities for its use rest solely upon you. Manufacturer may terminate this Agreement, the Product, and/or the User at any time without notice. You may not rent, lease, give away or get rid of this product. Do not use this product for over seven days unless prescribed by your physician. Only one copy of the product may be in existence at any time. No user-serviceable parts are contained inside. Shipping damage to the product should be reported to the carrier. We assume no liability for any damage caused by this product. No liability is assumed for usage during thunderstorms. Some settlement of contents may have occurred during shipping. Do not allow product to come into contact with eyes. Do not allow this product to spontaneously combust. If you are aware of other copies of this product, you must report them or else you will be held liable for them. You agree to this condition by reading it. Being aware of the contents of this disclaimer invalidates your right to use the product. Do not use product near heat, sparks or open flames. Do not use this product if left-handed, using any medication or farsighted. No animals were harmed in the making of this product. This product sold by weight, not volume. Testing this product may cause you to be sued by Intel, even if you're working for them. This product is not safe for anyone, anywhere at anytime. But especially on April Fool's Day. You are responsible for maintaining this product for the rest of your life. Do not allow product to come into contact with skin. Upgrades are always obtainable for a large fee. We will not in any circumstances be liable for any other damages whatsoever arising out of the use or inability to use or supply or non-supply of the product and any accompanying hardware and written materials, and this must be a legitimate sentence because Microsoft uses it in their license agreements too. The Consumer Guarantees Act of New Zealand does not apply to this product. No liability is assumed for using this product during three-quarter phases of the moon. Operation while watching "Star Trek" is not recommended. In case of accidental ingestion of this product, seek professional help immediately. Skin abrasion may result from rubbing your head on a piece of concrete. Product not warranted if we say it is. Warranty invalid if product is thrown from an airplane. You may signify agreement with these terms by breathing at any time. By acquiring this statement you agree to certain financial considerations to support the makers of this product for the rest of your natural life. This disclaimer is copyright ©2004-2011 by Static. This equipment may or may not comply with the limits for a Class B FCC device. Upgrades might be obtainable for a small fee. All modifications must be performed by a licensed mechanic. Overexposure may result in nausea. Death does not invalidate this Agreement. If multiple copies of this product exist, you are required to purchase all of them. Consult your physician if blind or using any medication. Customer assumes all responsibility for using product in a manner not consistent with regulations. This product is copyright ©2004-2011 by Static. Manufacturer assumes no responsibility for using product while blindfolded. No liability shall be assumed for using product outdoors. We do not recommend using this product in any way. Please keep your head and arms inside the car until the product has come to a full stop. Keep product tightly closed when not in use.

Do not allow product to come into contact with skin. If multiple copies of this product exist, you are required to purchase all of them. Product may be hazardous to wildlife. Do not puncture or incinerate this product. No liability shall be assumed for using product on horseback. Use this product only in a clean, well-ventilated area. We will not in any circumstances be liable for any other damages whatsoever arising out of the use or inability to use or supply or non-supply of the product and any accompanying hardware and written materials, and this must be a legitimate sentence because Microsoft uses it in their license agreements too. Warranty is automatically voided if it's Thursday. You are responsible for maintaining this product for the rest of your life. Opening the inner seal will immediately invalidate the warranty. Death does not invalidate this Agreement. You may signify agreement with these terms by breathing at any time. Operation during locust plagues is not recommended. Keep this product out of the reach of children. You have relied upon your own skill and judgement in procuring this product, and therefore all liabilities for its use rest solely upon you. All modifications must be performed by a licensed mechanic. Upgrades might be obtainable for a small fee. Product may evaporate in direct sunlight. Placing product inside a nuclear reactor may result in a hazardous condition. Shipping damage to the product should be reported to the carrier. Do not shake this product. This product is for external use only. No liability is assumed for usage in a hurricane. Warranty invalid if it's Thursday. Do not use product near heat, sparks or open flames. Upgrades are always obtainable for a large fee. This equipment may or may not comply with the limits for a Class B FCC device. No liability is assumed for using this product indoors. If you are aware of other copies of this product, you must report them or else you will be held liable for them. You agree to this condition by reading it. Consumer hereby agrees that the manufacturer of this product cannot be held liable for anything whatsoever of any kind. Using this product with non-certified parts may be dangerous. Operation upon the spleen will invalidate the warranty. No copies of this product can be made, owned, or contemplated. This product may not be used in Hades, Arkansas, Georgia, Fremont or Florida. Customer assumes all responsibility for using product outdoors. Some settlement of contents may have occurred during shipping. By acquiring this statement you agree to certain financial considerations to support the makers of this product for the rest of your natural life. Those who may be farsighted should avoid using this product. Overexposure may result in nausea. Please keep your head and arms inside the car until the product has come to a full stop. Testing this product may cause you to be sued by Intel, even if you're working for them. No user-serviceable parts are contained inside. Do not allow this product to spontaneously combust. Do not allow product to come into contact with eyes. Product not warranted if popcorn is dumped inside the product. Manufacturer assumes no responsibility for using product while consuming copious quantities of alcohol. No animals were harmed in the making of this product. In case of accidental ingestion of this product, seek professional help immediately. The Consumer Guarantees Act of New Zealand does not apply to this product. Only one copy of the product may be used for archival purposes. This is that copy. No liability shall be assumed for using product in a manner not consistent with regulations. Do not use this product if deaf, a dog-lover or using any medication. This equipment may or may not comply with the limits for a Class B FCC device. Some settlement of contents may have occurred during shipping. No copies of this product can be made, owned, or contemplated. Adequate lighting must be used with this product at all times. Skin abrasion may result from rubbing your head on a piece of concrete. Being aware of the contents of this disclaimer invalidates your right to use the product. Upgrades are always obtainable for a large fee. Death does not invalidate this Agreement.

You may not rent, lease, give away or get rid of this product. Both product and warranty are subject to change without notice. Do not allow product to come into contact with skin. Do not allow product to come into contact with eyes. Manufacturer may terminate this Agreement, the Product, and/or the User at any time without notice. Do not allow this product to spontaneously combust. Please keep your head and arms inside the car until the product has come to a full stop. No liability is assumed for using this product on plants. You have agreed to be bound by all terms of this Agreement by reading this sentence. Keep this product out of the reach of children. This product is copyright ©2004-2011 by Static. This product may not be used in Memphis, Hades, Florida, Kentucky, Innesbruck, Arkansas, Fremont or New Guinea. Do not shake this product. Shipping damage to the product should be reported to the carrier. Upgrades might be obtainable for a small fee. By acquiring this statement you agree to certain financial considerations to support the makers of this product for the rest of your natural life. In case of accidental ingestion of this product, seek professional help immediately. You have relied upon your own skill and judgement in procuring this product, and therefore all liabilities for its use rest solely upon you. You may signify agreement with these terms by breathing at any time. Warranty invalid if Democrats are in control of Congress. We will not in any circumstances be liable for any other damages whatsoever arising out of the use or inability to use or supply or non-supply of the product and any accompanying hardware and written materials, and this must be a legitimate sentence because Microsoft uses it in their license agreements too. We do not recommend using this product upon gravel. Use this product only in a clean, well-ventilated area. If multiple copies of this product exist, you are required to purchase all of them. Placing product inside a nuclear reactor may result in a hazardous condition. Product not warranted if Squirrels are in control of Congress. No user-serviceable parts are contained inside. Warranty void if Republicans are in control of Congress. Those who may be fond of singing should avoid using this product. This product is not safe for anyone, anywhere at anytime. But especially on April Fool's Day. This product is for external use only. Product may evaporate in direct sunlight. Consult your physician if nearsighted or using any medication. Opening the inner seal will immediately invalidate the warranty. Gloves should be worn at all times. We assume no liability for any damage caused by this product. This product sold by weight, not volume. If you are aware of other copies of this product, you must report them or else you will be held liable for them. You agree to this condition by reading it. Using this product using 50-Hz power supplies may be dangerous. Warranty is automatically voided if popcorn is dumped inside the product. Overexposure may result in nausea.



Further Disclaimer(s) / Copyrights

This is a public service.




2 Comments:

Thomas Wayne said...

Quite the thorough disclaimer! Reminds me of the one for my blog, Buffet o' Blog, which is also very detailed, yet still different in some ways.

Can't be too careful these days, the way some folks will sue for anything...

Static said...

@ Thomas: But do you think I missed anything? Maybe I should have mentioned denial of services to religious and political extremists, including feminazis and suicide bombers. Now that I think about it, I really need to revise it.

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