What in the Hell is this Post About?


And now for some additions to the world unsurpassed accomplishments of 'What the hell?'


Submariner Blow-up Doll Fetish
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Japanese Anal Warfare
As to what exactly is going on here, a little help please! This is obviously some kind of instruction manual, but I am somewhat confused as to what for. It appears to be Japanese (correct me if I'm wrong). Maybe it's instructions for some kind of weird WWII submarine drill kamikaze style or a cartoon about blow-up doll love-making techniques - kamikaze style? Maybe it's a recipe for making teriyaki chicken? All I know is Hiro-san must have been hitting the sake a bit hard when he thrust his blow-up doll's ass out a vent to moon the fish. Not exactly a moment of pride for the Japanese Navy, eh? Yeah, and when the sub took on too much water he wasn't feeling so cocky (no pun intended) then I bet.



Strangest Thing To Do With One's Nipples
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Meet the man who cut off his nipples, and turned them into earrings. Because he could. John Blake says the experience was "interesting". Hating the sensation of his nipples being there, John had the chance for them to be removed, and he took it.

That opportunity came after he saw someone on the internet that had branded his nipples off. John didn’t like the idea of branding, though, and had his sliced off instead. Oh joy! Howie @ Lunacobra.net apparently did the procedure, and afterwards John couldn’t bear to throw them away. So why feed them to the birds, what better thing to do than to wear them in his ears?


Once the no longer offensive nipples were removed, John kept them in his freezer until they turned into nipplicles , eventually thawed the nipplicles out, and let them dry so there wasn’t any moisture in them and then put a little resin in the bottom of some steel tunnels that he already wore in his lobes. Then he let it dry, chucked his nipples in, filled up the tunnels and let it dry overnight. Then, bingo, they were done.

If this wasn't strange enough, next he’s planning to get his navel removed (if he can find someone willing to do it and god knows where he is going to wear that) and has a tentative plan to swap part of his finger with someone else's. I'm surprised he didn't think to swap his ears with his nipples, then he can have his pierced ears with the resin cast nipples in them on his CHEST. What a treat! Article excerpts courtesy Bizarre Magazine UK.


The CIA World Factbook
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The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) is an independent US Government agency responsible for providing national security intelligence to senior US policymakers. This also includes a publication available for anyone to view called The World Factbook updated annually. In the Economy category, three fields have been added that focus on capital stocks and investment. They are "Stock of direct foreign investment - at home," "Stock of direct foreign investment - abroad," and "Market value of publicly traded shares." The CIA's World Factbook has a page on each country's current account balance. I can only assume to categorize which countries can be a threat to the CIA. Search for the United States on the page. It's there. After you find it, try to give it a few moments to sink in. Absorb the information and take it in context. See it in perspective and imagine. And these are just trade balances. I don't know about you but I think I'll be calling up China or even Canada the next time I want to party or need a loan. I'm not surprised who's last and I'm not surprised who's first either. What does shock me however, is that Canada is in the top 20.



Top 10 Most Bizarre Videos
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I selected 'The Cut Ups' as the most maddening of the bunch, a collaborative film work of William Burroughs and Anthony Balch, which brings to cinema an extension of Burroughs' literary cut-up technique. After the first few "Yes and Hellos" you can understand why I'd want my 3 minutes and 13 seconds back. At least I am not subjecting you to the full 20 minute film. Yes? Hello!




Dr. Goode's Virtual Therapy
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Online therapy for the internet addicted hostile personality in you. Dr. Goode will not prescribe more happy pills and send you on your glassy eyed way, nope, she'll be brutally honest with you. Let the healing begin.


Apparently I am broken and can't be fixed. YAY!



Possibly Most Vague Street Sign Ever
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Hey, I don't know about you but I like blowing my own horn on occasion. That is unless someone else is doing it for me. And I'll be damned if I can't blow my own horn anytime, anywhere I want. But especially if there is danger present. Maybe I'll blow it just a bit to see if anyone notices. Then blow some more just to make sure the horn still works. Maybe a third time to see if the fire brigade arrives. Why does this remind me of the fable 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' all of a sudden?


Behold the Power of the Internet
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A Jacksonville, Oregon man was the victim of terrorism, or perhaps a personal
vendetta or maybe just a cruel prank when belongings were stolen from his property in such a way that he has little chance of getting much of it back.

Police say the belongings were removed a day after a pair of hoax ads appeared on Craigslist. The ads popped up Saturday afternoon, saying the owner of the Jacksonville home was forced to leave the area suddenly and his belongings, including a horse, were free for the taking.




Man Marries Dog To Lift Curse
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We have all heard the 'man bites dog' stories, but how about a real-life 'man marries dog' tale?! This one takes the biscuit, and it could only happen in India, the land of the Kama Sutra.

But you won't find this kind of love story between man and beast in the ancient Indian sex manual. It took place for real during a traditional hindu ceremony at a temple in the southern state of Tamil Nadu. The groom in question was a 33-year-old Indian farmer named Selvakumar, and he was wed to a female dog named Selvi.

He married his four legged bitch to atone for stoning two other dogs to death and stringing them up in a tree 15 years ago. He believed the act cursed him and he had been suffering ever since, he told the Hindustan Times. After he stoned the dogs he said his legs and hands got paralysed, he lost hearing in one ear, and his speech was impaired. With doctors unable to help him, Selvakumar turned to an astrologer who told him he was cursed by the spirits of the dogs he had killed.

He could undo the curse only if he married a dog and live with it, the soothsayer warned. Family members chose a stray female dog who was then bathed and clothed for the wedding occasion. Selvi the bride was brought to the temple by village women and a Hindu priest conducted the ceremony.

The paper showed a picture of Selvakumar sitting next to his canine bride, which was adorned in an orange sari and flower garland. The paper said the groom and his family then had a feast, while the dog got a bun.

It was reported that Selvi attempted to make a bolt for it -- apparently due to the big crowds -- but she was tracked down and returned to her new 'husband'. "The dog is only for lifting the curse and after that, he plans to get a real bride," a friend of the groom said.

Deeply superstitious people in rural India sometimes organize weddings to dogs and other animals, believing it can beat certain curses. Wow, talk about crime and punishment.


10 Comments:

Michele said...

Ummm...I'm particularly troubled by the Japanese instruction manual/cartoon thing. I mean besides what in the world is going on, just what the heck is sticking out of her butt? I must know. Is it a gun? I don't know that I'll be able to sleep tonight for worry. Please if you should happen upon a solution to this puzzle drop me a line.
Hmm.. Maybe this is a recipe for Tuna Rolls?

Gorilla Bananas said...

Now there's a loving husband who's going to treat his wife like a bitch. I give him credit for doing it voluntarily, unlike the Somali man who was forced to marry the goat he raped.

Nunyaa said...

What a fool, anyway what good are mens nipples? In one of my posts on 10 (i think) body parts of no use, mens nipples is listed. Maybe thats why he cut them off. He really is a penis with ears. Excessive abuse of the horn can have adverse side effects, Lol......As to the Indian marrying the pooch, gives whole new meaning to doggy!

~Static~ said...

Michele - I too am very disturbed by the manual/cartoon thingy. Well I'm disturbed anyway... but I have no idea what the hell is going on there. Whatever it is (I'll be sure to let everyone know if I find out) it's certainly a recipe for DISASTER.

Gorilla Bananas - Thanks for stopping by! And I couldn't agree more, mistreating a dog and shagging a goat are two different but similar actions that deserve nothing less than enrollment in voluntary animal mating rituals. Let that be a lesson to these perverts!

Nunyaa - How's it! You are right, nothing is more useless than a penis with ears, especially if it has nipples. I say let's all remove our useless body parts and feed the hungry!

Gboo said...

The toon is a japanese rendition of gay pokemon
Good place for the horn sign
Even better place for the nipples
Marriage with dogs should be illegal
Who can trust the CIA fact book when they can't get the right intel on if Iraq had wmd's
did I forget anything?? Oh yea,
Craigslist is a site frequented by pond scum

Michele said...

About that Japanese cartoon...

I think my husband may have solved the mystery...

Here is an email excerpt:



Grant,

Can you please translate any of this for me.
It is very important.

Grant's response:

Translation:

In Japan, we have in world best so sophisticated weapons...

Anal warfare = Best warfare + soft
skin behind is good for touch and heart feeling

Stand pose hold Anal boy

Sit down hold Anal boy

Anal boy defense pose

Anal boy to Sky

Underwater Anal fighting

Development of protrude torpedo anal weapon systems
makes Japan Navy honorable and most proud. Anal warfare best choice under sea and everywhere.

Matt,
I most enjoyed looking paper diagram with anal
weapons. Please tell where I buy.
Grant

~Static~ said...

Gboo - good points. But you forgot to mention your opinion on Virtual Therapy and "Cut-up" videos.

Michele - so Grant's interpretation is that the instructions in fact are a cartoon depicting anal warfare?

If this is true it is quite funny. What better way to win a fight than anal warfare right? A punch or TORPEDO to the rectum would render anyone helpless or instantly kill them I should think.

=D O_o =(

Michele said...

Yep that's what it seems to be. :)

Definitely the way to go, if you are looking for instant not to mention painful results.

~Static~ said...

Very unsettling, indeed.
There ya have it folks, underwater anal warfare developed by and not so unusual for japanese culture.

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