666 People Visited This Site

Oh noes! According to Google Analytics... my blog received 666 visitors this past month. Which naturally must mean it's the devil's blog!




Idle hands do the devil's work, so apparently I am doing just that. I don't feel any different. Hold on, I hear the phone, just a sec...



"Hello? Who? Damien Thorn? Oh, yes, okay. Hi Damien. What's up? Hey everyone it's Damien Thorn!"



"Hello everyone. Static, how are you? Good to hear you are keeping me in business my friend."









"What business would that be exactly?"






"Why the fire and brimstone business you silly man! Ha ha, honestly where have you been?"





"Hmm, frankly I don't understand. I was just on vacation and then I had my birthday orgy, um party... I meant, so I don't see how I have been of any use to you-"



"Static! Stat, Statiroon. You are my right hand man. You can never leave the family. Now I'll just be needing you to write a story about Miley Cyrus, Hillary Duff and Charlotte Church having a four-way with Gary Coleman and they all have a rigorous bulimic binge and purge episode with Ho Ho's, Doritos and a plunger, all caught on tape. They then end up in rehab because of a nasty paint huffing habit. It will mostly be fictional of course and you can make up the rest, you're good at that you deviant little bastard, but this story will topple Hollywood head over heels and that is exactly what I want."





"What? I want to write whatever I want to. I want out of this, this is ridiculous! Who are you? Is this some kind of joke?"




"Stat, my good man. Don't be so dramatic. You wouldn't be disagreeing with me would you? It would be a pity if your dog got ran over by a bus tomorrow morning..."








"Uhh, yes, master. Your wish is my bidding."





"That's better. There, there."









"Oh, by the way Damien..."





"Yes, what is it now?"








"Has anyone ever told you when you were a child that you looked like that ugly ass freak Angus Young from AC/DC? You obviously copped his schoolboy look, you poser. Never had an original idea have you?"






"What?! Why you-"




"LOL LOL LOL! I bet you still pee your pants too!"








----CLICK----



Ah, so sorry but that conversation had to be cut short since I was running out of patience with it.



OK, so we all know that 666 is the number of the Beast, but did you know these facts?

670 - Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI - Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000000 - Number of the High Precision Beast
665.9999954 - Number of the Pentium Beast
0.666 - Number of the Millibeast
/666 - Beast Common Denominator
666 x sq. rt (-1) - Imaginary number of the Beast
1010011010 - Binary of the Beast 6
1-666 - Area code of the Beast
00666 - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666 - Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute.
Over 18 only please.
$665.95 - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25 - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95 - Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$606.66 - Wal-Mart price of the Beast
$566.66 - Costco/Price Club price of the Beast
Phillips 666 - Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 - Way of the Beast
666 F - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k - Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 % - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 -minimum deposit.
Lotus 6-6-6 - Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 - CPU of the Beast
666i - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised) - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668 - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
???- Number of the Blonde Beast
uh... what was that number again?



It's Dark Down Here and Hell is Hot Baby!


See you in hell then?

8 Comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

999 - number of the beast getting 3 blowjobs.

wookie said...

we want to see the list

~Static~ said...

Gorilla Bananas: x3=y - Algebraic equation of the Beast

Wookie - The list is too long and I can't get to it. Then I thought I'd include a screen shot but the Beast is in my computer and won't let me do that either.

Renée Hand said...

hahahaha

i dig the lolcat picture

especially because i feel like that whenever being forced to deal with young children

Sully Sullivan said...

Hell of a post, my man. Happy belated birthday.

The 666 is creepy by the way. Stay the hell away from me, Satan.

Qelqoth said...

You will now need to reach a total of six hundred and sixty six comments on this post. It's the only way that that you will appease The Beast and his army of hideous minions.

~Static~ said...

Renée Hand - I feel like that whenever I have to deal with people for longer than the usual 666 minutes.

Sully - Thanks for the b-day wish.

Do not fear the Beast, it lurks within each of us, waiting to spring upon it's prey... the humble blog reader.

Qelqoth - I trust you can handle the other 659 comments then?
The fate of the world rests upon your shoulders my good man.

~Static~ said...

Strangely enough, since this post my blog has seen more than double the amount of visitors since that report. And most of the referred traffic is coming in via Google images... not to mention top keyword hits like:
whale penis
chicken penis
penis
anus
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sfw porn
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photo penis gorilla
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pics of apes penis
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Some pretty sick fucks out there eh?

=p

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