Beasts of Burden




Take a moment and inhale a deep breath. Pictured below are two dolphins. Briefly look at the image and determine your stress level according to the indicator located below the photo.


dolphin cow stress test


If you can see both dolphins, then your stress level is within the acceptable range.

If you see anything other than two dolphins, like two star-nosed moles mating with an elephant shrew, a pack of alaskan minks, three dozen flying fish - two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree... then you are either extremely stressed out, on drugs and experiencing hallucinations or you are stark raving mad and in any event you need to take a day off from work.

Do it. Do it now or see if anyone gives a shit if you continue to jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. While you are at it... see how many you can do at a time and if anyone interrupts by telling you to "have a nice day" or "maybe you need to take some time off", tell them you have other plans.

This serene stress level test makes me recall a news article at CNN regarding
Two teenage girls who decided to test 60 samples of seafood. Their tests determined that sushi lovers aren't always getting what they ordered.

[The test [sic] results showed that 25 percent of the girls' samples were mislabeled: half of the restaurant samples and six out of 10 grocery store samples.

In every case, less desirable or cheaper fish was substituted for its more expensive counterpart...]


Hmm, SHOCKING! Not really. Not when you consider that McDonald's beef is a combination of rat and kangaroo meat. True story. I always assumed sushi was simply diced-up dolphins that did not make it through tuna fisher's nets. And as far as McDonald's Filet-O-Fish® is concerned, well I think we can safely say that is where Flipper ended up after his television series flopped (no pun intended).

I hate to think what is in a McChicken sandwich...







11 Comments:

Qelqoth said...

McDonald's is for the weak. You need the following to totally rule:

One large breasts porn star, covered in thick syrup, bacon and pancakes. Also, needs moar mudkips.

~Static~ said...

Will a nursing elephant do?

Don said...

I do see 2 dolphins. One looks a lot like a cow though.

Sogeshirtsguy said...

Shit i've been eating filet o flipper for years. Taste good with sweet and sour sauce.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I can see two dolphins giving each other blow jobs. That makes me ultra relaxed.

Jeffman said...

What picture?

Do I get a day off work?

Eve said...

Haha. Pretty good with the shadow too!:P

~Static~ said...

@Don - I think you may need an eye exam my good man. There are clearly two cows there and possibly, an aquatic chicken.


@Sogeshirtsguy - You are in for bad news then. Anyone who eats dolphin in mass quantities with sweet and sour sauce has been known to be afflicted with dolphinitis. A rare disorder that causes the sufferer to experience extreme thirst and dehydration along with a dizzying sound of the ocean in the ears. The last phases of the disorder cause the patient to lose their voice and can only make 'eek eek!' noises to communicate... followed by the formation of a large hole on top the head AND an unnatural urge to mate with other dolphins. Sorry to dump that one on ya.


@Gorilla Bananas - You cheap tawdry 2 bit lascivious whore mongering ape. How many times do you look at things and see only sex in them? Ya pre-vert.

Well, it's either that or judging by your psychological profile; you have latent paraphiliac tendencies (note the reference to 4chan in Wikipedia's reference articles LULZ!).

Freud would be as happy as a pig in shit if he were reading all of this.


@Jeffman - Please clear out your desk today.

~Static~ said...

@Eve - Do you live in the shadows with the people under the stairs? Just curious...

Sharath said...

The foulest of McDonald's menu has to be the mcgriddle, with its "maple syrup" baked right in. I think its actually 10W30 motor oil with sugar.

And I see one dolphin and my grade school catholic priest, is that normal??

~Static~ said...

@Sharath - Hi there, welcome to the krapfest! The McGriddle contains 100% saturated fat. All that cholesterol causes an instant coronary in people over the age of 50.

If you see your priest that is not normal. It indicates you may very well have been molested by the clergyman and you should seek restitution immediately. Seek legal counsel asap.

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