The day Senator Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of this great land, marks an important day in history. In fact, apparently the whole world thought so too. Thousands, nay millions, perhaps billions of people were freaking out all over the planet. Dancing, parading, waving banners of praise in the streets; once again falling in love with the USA and it's leader after many years of being repulsed by it. I wonder how George W. felt about all that? Talk about being the most unpopular guy ever.
Yes, it was an amazing day alright, I thought to myself as Hillary Clinton was blowing me in a gas station restroom. That's also how amazingly important this date in history is. But that's a tale for not just another blog entry, but a book I'm selling the photos and rights to. Anyway, I'm trying to de-cougarize myself these days. Is it possible to speed date at one hundred and eight years of age? Never mind.
God also agreed it was an amazing day indeed. Yes, I can rhyme all the time. Further proof that I'm absorbing the amazing greatness of another cultural revolution.
God endorses Obama
We should all aspire towards greatness, and having God goatse our name. Would that be called a Godse? Gee, I don't know.
What I do know is, Mr. Obama has his work cut out for him. The economy is teetering on the edge of a cliff. Our foreign policy, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Russia... Togo. All the expectations that are projected onto him. Not to mention what breed of dog the Obama family will adopt.
Change is a good thing. It's the only constant in the universe. For instance, tomorrow I will probably change my shorts. Maybe not, I'm still undecided. About my shorts I mean. I try to get as much mileage out of them as possible. It's my way of going green.
I wasn't undecided when it came to voting. I mean, the choice was pretty clear to me. Some old crank, or someone more refreshing, like a cool breeze, an after dinner mint, if you will?
I'm positively elated that there are some ignoramuses out there, just completely flipping out that "their" America has elected a "black" president, or more appropriately, a president that is not white. It's.. poetic justice.
I just can't help myself but think of humorous situations about everything, including the election. That's how I roll. I can find something funny in a worst case scenario. No, I don't mean "What if McCain had Won". Although funny, that would have also been equally as horrifying and sorely disappointing. What I mean is, what if Obama picked up where Bush left off? Here's what that might look like.
Obama's first task as president: Read here.
THEN! Flash to Sunday, December 23, 2012 (the projected End of Days according to the Mayan Calendar.)
From the Journals of
John McCain, Jerome R. Corsi, Don Imus, Michael Richards, Fred Phelps... Somebody.
"Europeans were horrified. How can Europe contain all these displaced Americans? French President Nicolas Sarkozy stated, "Ve don't hav anee room for zees people! Besides ve hate white trash Americanz. Let zem die." All of Europe was in agreement.
Caucasian people everywhere in America were shoving their cars full of their valuables and belongings after hearing the news, they knew their time was up and their names would be called next. Many headed for Mexico. They made it as far as Texas and they ran out of gas. The great gas shortage of 2010 was not merely a speculation.
They had to make the rest of the way on foot, through their own shitty US-Mexico Border that was partially rebuilt in the last ten years, in a half-assed manner by illegal aliens, the government ran out of funds and deported them all before they could finish.
The Displaced Americans had to crawl under hundreds of yards of barbed wire, run across the desert like pack mules, swim across the rivers to reach safety among the noble Mexican people they so often took for granted or snubbed on their vacations.
Many of them perished from dehydration, exposure, drowning, scorpion and rattlesnake bites, and banditos taking potshots at them from hilltops.
So now the rest of the White Americans sail around the world with no port open to them. Many others take their chances crossing into Canada, getting trampled by moose and mauled by wild bear and cannibal Mounties.
O! It is a sad for displaced White Americans, indeed. Goodbye, cruel world. We bid you adieu. We're going now. See you on the other side..."