Thought For The Day No. One

nasty children / nadya suleman / giant vagina / giant uterus

Kind of has a point. 'Nuff said.

Laugh, by Thunder, Laugh!

And that's just what you do when you realize September 19th was Talk Like A Pirate Day.

It's true, do it! do it now! We missed it. All those who didn't talk like a pirate on friday will have to walk the plank with me. ARR!

A pirate speaks,"O'ly wale shite t' is Septembre the 19th?! Wall, den I bedder learn 'ow t' talk like a pirate 'fore arget jabbed oon me aft by a randy arse pirate den!"

Loosely translated into non-pirate speak, "Holy whale shit it's Sept. 19?! Well, then I better learn how to talk like a pirate before I get jabbed in my ass by a horny butt pirate then!"

Yeah, I really don't know what the fuss is all about either. So a couple of dweebos, obviously bored with nothing better to do, get the idea from watching Treasure Island over and over again. Big deal! So they've received worldwide recognition and throngs of followers. Whooptie doo!

Pirates suck. You hear that Johnny Depp? They suck cast iron ship cannons. And our stereotypical idea of pirates is dead too. When was the last time you saw a real pirate? Well, maybe if you have your own private yacht and you went sailing in the Caribbean recently you got attacked by modern day pirates (thieves) with muskets (machine guns, grenades) and they stole all your treasure (cargo, money, drugs) and your booty (your wife's and/or possibly yours too). But that's rare. Gone are thar days of yore arr! (shit I'm doing it again) This is a new era! Nowadays, pirates are on the internet!

More pirate speak, "We like stealing stuff off the internet! Movies, music, software you name it. Thank the stars for piracy! YAAR!"

Since we're talking about (bashing) pirates...I'm not sure if this is Chris Crocker impersonating a pirate or just a really sad drag queen...

"Leave Blackbeard Alone!"

Yeeesh. What a wussy pirate. Why you could sail your ship in all his tears and pee (yes, he wet his pants). He sets a real poor example for all pirates and so are all those International Talk Like A Pirate wannabes and their hot wenches too.

Everyone knows pirates were and still are ugly, smelly and gross and so were their wenches.

Anyway, Happy (be-lated) International Talk Like A Pirate (dork) Day!

Daredevil and Crew Flattened by Salt Flats

Sep 5, 12:41 am EDT

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah - A motorcyclist died in a Utah land speed record attempt last Wednesday. 47-year-old Cliff Gullett of Montana was killed after losing control of his bike at 385 kilometers (239 miles) per hour and crashing on Utah’s famous Bonneville Salt Flats.

He was trying to beat the world speed record set by a
jet powered wheelchair manned by none other than
Giuseppe Ceehowstoopidiyam that I mentioned in my last article.

Reports said Gullett was aiming to set a record for the fastest two-stroke, two-cylinder motorcycle but instead failed - killing himself and his two canines, a pair of trained corgi dogs named Inky and Stinky, who operated the motorcycle for Gullett. Gullett wanted his pups to experience the thrill of setting a world land speed record and to go down in history as the "goldarned fastest motorcycle drivin' dogs ever".

Investigators weren't sure what caused Inky and Stinky and co-pilot Gullett to lose control of the motorcycle Wednesday during a time trial. Of course the dogs' errors in judgement are considered at fault in the wreck since no one is certain if it was Inky who steered the cycle too far to the left or if it was Stinky who pulled the wheel a bit too far to the right, but in any event it should be said it was Gullett's fatal error in judgement that ultimately cost them their lives.

Gullett leaves behind a wife, a 15-year-old-son, a 10-year-old daughter, a tricycle stunt trained hampster named Spanky and a enormous stack of porn that impressed "the pornstack king" himself, Larry Flint.

larry flint lol

I Get a Kick Out of You

Here's a weird one for ya. Feet get a new pedicure treat. A pedicure if you didn't know is a way to improve the appearance of the feet, and their nails. Commonly using a pumice stone to remove dead skin and clipping the nails and filing them all, adding a bit of polish and then a good rub down with some oil.

And if you don't know what a foot is, you have REAL problems.
According to Urban Dictionary
4. foot

Lower extremity, used for walking.

Same thing used to put in someone's ass, because he or she deserved it.
Ok, now that we have that covered.

Do your foot problems got YOU down? Corns, bunions, dry feet, hang nails. Not anymore.

In Alexandria, Virginia, a spa is selling customers time with a tank of water full of fish that gobble up the dead skin off your crusty ass feet.

That's right, you put your feet in the tank and these puckered foot suckers go at it like there's no tomorrow. This certainly is a new approach to pedicures, gone are the days when Mrs. Wong grinds off that nasty callous on your heel with a belt sander.

According to AP 5,000 customers paid up to $50 for the process called Dr. Fish to smooth out their feet. The only drawback is....

"Apparently the fish in the communal tank would sometimes ignore customers to engage in a feeding frenzy on one client who REALLY needed a pedicure."

A feeding frenzy you say? Did they forget to mention what kind of fish these are?

Dr. Fish

Ahhhh, now it all makes sense. One customer exclaimed, "It's spectacular. You go in with feet and legs and you roll out on stumps!"
Best read the fine print next time?

article courtesy of CNBC.COM
Be sure to read the section on the jet powered wheelchair. It's a Darwin Award in the making. Good stuff!

"Holy KWAP!"

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