A Memory Stick Loaded with Porn Beats a Box Load of Rocks Any Day

jagger thinks this tale is naughty

Looking for a unique gift? A gift that says it all?

This is what you were seeking then. A gift that exudes style with originality - with simplicity. What better way to show that special someone in your life that you care?

What mother doesn't know that their son would be thrilled when they give them a new Nintendo DS for their birthday.

So imagine the confusion a teen boy experiences upon opening up his gift.. only to find a bunch of stones rolled up in a Chinese newspaper in place of the popular handheld.

all you get is a rock

All you get is a rock.


Just imagine the mother's shock after dropping $138 for a box of rocks. These were not diamonds either.

The boy's mother, Jodi Wykle stated, "When he opened it, he was pulling the seal off, my sister-in-law carries a pocket knife and she opened it and that's when he pulled it out and it was Chinese newspaper and a bunch of rocks."

Perturbed by the unusual discovery, the Florida woman contacted the local Wal-Mart where the box of rocks was purchased, and employees there remarked that it wasn't their problem - that she should contact Nintendo instead.

Unfortunately for Ms. Wykle, Nintendo gave her the runaround as well, leaving mother and son with a $138 box of ordinary rocks.

Now who in their right mind would keep a box of rocks they paid $138 for? Well aside from an avid Pet Rock collector, or a geologist, nobody would.

For $138, they could have at least been interesting rocks. Rocks that perhaps had character, or some usefulness other than just being ordinary, everyday average rocks. Sure they make great paper weights, door stops, they can crack open a walnut with ease. But there could have been a better story behind them. They could have been used in a recent Islamic stoning, still caked with the blood of a person accused of adultery, for example.

Anyway the mother was determined to get her money back. Frankly, I would have stoned the manager to death with the very same stones they sold me for $138 FREAKIN' dollars..the value placed on that alone ought to be worth about $130...the remaining $8, you ask? - the average value of a Wal-Mart manager's life...?

To add another twist to the story, Wal-Mart relented to Ms. Wykle's wishes after the discovery that the same box of rocks had been previously returned by another disgruntled customer.

Ben Silverman for Yahoo! Plugged-In writes, "How exactly it made it back onto store shelves remains a mystery, but for her troubles, Wykle was given a full refund and a $20 gift card."

Wow. A $20 gift card for her troubles (insert additional sarcasm here).

It's therefore, no surprise that this is not the first time Wal-Mart has gotten into hot water for selling a questionable handheld. Earlier this month, a PSP system bought at a different Wal-Mart store in Florida was found to contain a memory stick filled with pornographic images.

Imagine the look on the young boy's face when he discovered it's contents...


..and the mother's horror when she discovered it contained pictures of her and the milkman in compromising positions.

And now a commercial break...


Brought To You By: Stonehenge


stonehenge rocks dudes!


It's official. I've heard of almost everything now! Here's a great way for teaching your kids about three different kinds of rocks, while discovering a healthy diet rich in minerals, and making a unique snack at the same time. All you need is a box of rocks. Kids definitely think this is a hit!!

Please note: take note of the ingredients listed and be aware of possible food sensitivities and allergies of the children involved. Also be sure to see a dentist, and/or a gastroenterologist after any attempts to consume these treats.

Edible Rock Recipes:

Igneous Rocks

1 box of rocks
1 can evaporated milk (6 oz.)
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup chopped nuts
1 1/4 cups tiny marshmallows
1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla

Grease an 8 x 8 or 9 x 9 inch pan. Combine evaporated milk with sugar and salt in a saucepan. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, stirring for 5 - 9 minutes. Remove from heat. Add remaining ingredients and stir gently. Pour into prepared pan. Let cool. (Refrigerate) 1 pan (8 x 8) makes 30 1 inch squares.


Metamorphic Rocks

1 box of rocks
1/2 cup shortening or margarine
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/4 cup of nuts
1/2 cup well-drained crushed pineapple
1 egg, beaten
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon soda
1 teaspoon salt

Cream the shortening and the sugar. Add the beaten egg and vanilla. Add the dry ingredients and mix. Stir in the fruit and the nuts. Drop by shovelful onto cookie sheet. Bake for 7 minutes at 375 degrees. Note: Chocolate chips, coconut, wheat germ, etc. can also be added.


Sedimentary Rocks

Step 1:
1 box of rocks
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1/2 cup margarine

Melt the margarine. Mix with the rocks. Press into an 8 x 8 or 9 x 9 pan.

Step 2:
1 box of cereal (any cereal will do. Muesli is a great choice - extra FIBER!!)
1 1/4 cups coconut
1 cup chopped nuts
1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 oz.)

Sprinkle the rocks over cereal layer. Sprinkle the coconut over rocks. Sprinkle the nuts over coconut. Pour condensed milk over the layers. Bake for 25 minutes at 325 degrees.


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Edible Rock Recipes by The Rolling Stones.
For more recipes and other "fun stuff", check out their website at http://www.therollingstones.com/

Story inspired and pulled from Yahoo Games article:
Florida teen finds rocks in Nintendo DS box



13 Comments:

bigmentaldisease said...

Ha brilliant. 'Little Billy seems to love that new computer game I bought him. He spends all day in his room playing it with the door locked. He likes it so much it makes him cry; there's so many used tissues all over the floor. What a good little boy.'

Thinkinfyou said...

Why does all this shit always happen in Florida?

threio said...

All the recipes look delicious, but, this one caught my eye; Igneous Rocks

Hmmm, maybe good for a child, but, I am sure I would be constipated for a week after eating....

btw; what section in Walmart sells the pornographic memory sticks, the porn barns is quite a distance around here but walmart is close by, this may save me a few bucks on gas..

~Static~ said...

@ BMD - Your Little Billy seems to have some obsessive-compulsive tendencies..I would have that checked out, right after you break down his door and catch him masturbating..the trauma which will torment him the rest of his life.

~Static~ said...

@Thinkinfyou - Umm, because Florida is the armpit of America? Ooh, my bad..that's Jersey. Florida is the crotch of America. Yeah, that's it. =P

~Static~ said...

@Threio - Just look for the section that says 'Blue Light Special: Used Memory Sticks $5' that should do it. Although I must warn you, the porn that is sometimes temporarily stored on them can be categorically unpredictable. If beastiality, scat play, and granny porn is your thing - then have at it, ya prevert.

Lamaworks said...

AH - this is how I used to get my rocks off when I was younger.

thanks
REO

Thinkinfyou said...

It's actually the wang thank you very much!

Skrib said...

That's an old scam taught between kids in grade school. I'm not surprised it made it past Walmart security.

Julio said...

The mother was even more disappointed to learn that, when plugged into a standard electrical outlet, the "box of rocks" disables the cloaking mechanism and reconfigures itself into an actual Nintendo DS (porn optional). The Japanese have been working on "rock" technology for centuries, however, is a "Nintendo pile of rocks DS" any more absurd than a "rock garden?" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen_garden

Face it. The Japanese fucking LOVE rocks. Here's an excerpt from a recent commercial I viewed during my visit to Japan...
"Do you love gardens but fear dangerous pesticides and light physical activity? Then you'll also love Julio Co.'s new "Zen Rock Garden"! We harness the power of the word "Zen" to make completely useless rocks into a unique way to mask your acute cultural ignorance which is common to your suburban way of life..."

you've sparked another blog in me again, ~Static~...damn you!!!
www.projectjulio.blogspot.com

Gboo said...

Rocks? zomg lol!!

Quickroute said...

If little Billy wasn't going to go blind from playing too many video games he'll surely go blind from watching that porn!

D_McNutz said...

Porn? Rocks? What was this news story pulling again?

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