Thought For The Day: Mom's In Demand

It's been a while between articles, but I'm never gone for long. The internet has a better chance of getting rid of me once Hell freezes over, and considering climate changes and global warming that will happen NEVER. And so lately I've been awful busy making cheese and selling door knobs, and in this economy it's just that much more difficult to sell door knobs made of cheese.

I hope your holidays are going well...better than mine.

Speaking of door knobs: did you know that the "new and improved" U.S. government is committed to helping single moms return to school? Obama allocated stimulus funds for education, and this has opened doors for mothers across the nation to get a better education.

I was reminded of that while reading the news on the web today. I came across this outrageously funny ad with it's out-of-place photo attachment (REALLY, the photo came with the ad). Naturally, being who I am, I felt the need to mock and alter it by adding some additional text and then write some brief commentary about my discovery. After all, 9 out of 10 Walmart greeters believe that the 'Moms Return to School' Government Grant is a great idea.

Why...teenage moms, single moms, stay-at-home moms, back-to-school moms, alcoholic child-abusing moms...even bearded moms can return to school with all that stimulus money floating around.

bearded moms return to school

Now all moms, Alabama and beyond, will have a fighting chance for a higher paying job as soon as the economy rebounds from the edge of economic oblivion. It's high time for a makeover too, you've let yourself go a bit there, mom.

When the economy does bounce back (which it always does..it bounces so very high, you might not be able to catch it once again..because in a class-based system you'll find lots of dangling rubber carrots), you super-duper hyper qualified workers are going to be in big demand.

So completing a degree at community college is going to put mom in a prime position to get her ultimate job...and still paid 15-40 percent less than her male counterparts. Happy studying!

19 Comments:

Mom said...

Oh my, oh me, oh my! Were you raised in a barn...is that how you were raised?? All this hemming and hawing. You are a P-I-G. Go change those filthy shoes and don't sprag your feet on the carpet when you walk. Now go upstairs and change them...go on! And before you make a stop at the bathroom, do you have to make balls or just tinkle? Coz I have to wash my head and shave my back. Hurry up! Fast like a bunny!

Gorilla Bananas said...

That fellow is no mom. A mother, quite probably, but not a mom.

Static said...

@ Banana Gorillas - Great Scott, I do believe you're right!

I think it may be a bear, or it may be a primate of some sort..possibly an orangutan or a yeti.

Skrib said...

Can I have mom's phone number? She's a total milf.

Static said...

@ Skrib - I thought you already had it. Isn't that your mom?

sovietdisco said...

It good to see Pee-Wee Herman's mugshot going back to school.

BigMentalDisease said...

How arousing!

Big said...

I like turtles!

Fat Bastard said...

Where's the toilet? I've got a turtle head poking out.

Static said...

@ sovietdisco - You're probably masturbating to Pee-Wee's Playhouse, aren't you?

Static said...

@ BigMentalDisease - see my previous comment. I think it applies to you also.

Static said...

@ Big - Nice. kthxbye!

Static said...

@ Fat Bastard - Hold on, dough boy. There's a porta-potty down the street. Knock first, just to make sure that sovietdisco and BigMentalDisease circle jerking to pictures of Pee-Wee Herman are finished before you barge in.

Jason said...

You have a great site here. I have a site myself where people come from around the world to debate on popular issues. I'd like to exchange links with you to help spread some traffic around between us. If you would like to, please leave a comment under my "Compadres" page letting me know when you've added my link and I'll return the favor.

Keep up the good work.

Jason
DEBATEitOUT.com

BigMentalDisease said...

I like masturbating on Pee Wee's suit.

SmartAss said...

"I've been awful busy making cheese and selling door knobs"

My goodness your hands must smell like like a homeless man's under shorts!

Static said...

@ Jason - Thanks for the compliment. Although, I don't normally exchange links with non-humor related websites. And I don't know what your traffic stats are. Do you know what my traffic stats are? I don't know if a mutual exchange would be in either of our best interests, but I'll certainly consider it.

Static said...

@ BigMentalDisease - His attire does seem to have that affect on too-tight thrift store gray suit and bow tie clothing fetishists.

Static said...

@ Smart Ass - If you are making an indirect reference to the stench of your own under shorts, then it is quite possible that the odor could be very similar.

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