What if life in Washington were like a Dr. Seuss book? Don't you wonder what that might be like? I know I do. It's not as far-fetched as you might think.
Yertle the Turtle thinks he is the king of the pond. He brags that he is the biggest, the fastest, and the strongest. All was well until he decided his kingdom was too small. He made each turtle stand on another one’s back. And he piled them all up in a big turtle stack. And underneath Yertle, it's turtles all the way down.
What if life in Washington were like a Dr. Seuss book? Don't you wonder what that might be like? I know I do. It's not as far-fetched as you might think.
In this hilarious parody Goldman Sachs CEO and Chairman Lloyd Blankfein joins the Occupy Wall Street movement and surprisingly he doesn't get pepper sprayed.
* 0:37 Sifting through his wallet, not-Blankenfein exclaims, "I plan to stay down here for as long as I can with what I have on me. Let's see, that's two hundred...three hundred...four hundred thousand dollars. That should last, what? About a week?"
* 1:12 "I've done a lot of terrible things, but I've never hunted a homeless man for sport. Can Richard Branson say that?"
* 1:41 "Goldman Sachs is not Satan, but we do manage the majority of his offshore assets."
Re: YouTube video - Scott Olsen Interview
Due to the number of emails I have received I am addressing this publicly.
Yesterday I posted an interview with Scott Olsen on YouTube with the intention of spreading news about his recovery and because I, like many, do not want his story to disappear.
Kickapoo, IL – In this tale a cowboy toe is profoundly threatened and jealous when a fancy spaceman toe supplants him as top toe in an ordinary living room redecorating moment. 1) Cowboy toe pulls strings. 2) Heavy wooden door falls from sky flattening fancy spaceman toe for good. Remember, in this movie no toe gets left behind!
Dawayne Biggins recalls the catastrophe in vivid detail, "This was no ordinary god-smack folks, I done got bitch slapped by the man upstairs. And it went a little bit like this: 'Me: I've been effing 'round with this thing for way too long now, but I'm ALMOST done! God: BOOM! You're done. Me: I think I'll take a break now.'"
Occupy Wall Street has been gaining momentum since it was conceptualized, spreading globally to places as far away as Antarctica. Many occupiers have taken to the internet to air their grievances, and social networks like Facebook have provided an accessible place for protesters to gather together and discuss news and other subjects related to their cause. So far there's been a large turnout. However, it hasn't stopped there. The movement to Occupy has made it to the stars, because only the stars are the limit.
The top 5 rejected 'Nightmare at 20000 Feet' Twilight Zone clips starring William Shatner.
Rejected 'Nightmare at 20000 Feet' Twilight Zone promotional photos starring William Shatner (more follows...)
Respect for the Asian Baby lulz: by BadLipReading
More BadLipReading hilarity can be found here.
Cheese fries next time. Remember to save a pretzel for the gas jets.
Scientists and entertainers on ABC have JUST gotten out of hand. Their foul plans bring godlessness and corruption to everything they touch. They have defied Gawd's Holy Word and have committed the following abominations against Gawd and Man:
- made the earth round
- made monkeys unto our forefathers
- allowed women to read and write, to have orgasms, and lay with other women
—tags: Celebs, Chaz Bono, Dancing With The Stars, FAIL, Institutions of Jocularity, Lulzercaust Campaign, news, Obscure Moments in Pop Culture History, parodies, rants, satire, Sphincterology, spoofs
Krapsody.com Reporter Dubious Monk
Inside Tropical Storm Irene
NEWSFLASH! Everything in New England shut down as Irene was downgraded from a hurricane to a tropical storm. As the storm was overhead, I scurried down to the hurricane barriers in Providence, RI to catch the action but there was none to be found.
|Sometimes you can't....|
Get Satisfaction FAIL (click pic to enlarge)
Want more background on this post? Click Here
Justin Bieber-Baby(Death Metal Version)
Thanks to AndyRehfeldt for making me LMFAO.
Do you know what that is? I know some of you that are old enough to remember them will say it's a plain old typewriter. But you'd be wrong. It's an accordion, one of precious many used by accordion player extraordinaire, George Salvatore Liberace - twin brother of Mr. Showmanship himself, Liberace.
You should know that accordion is priceless! It's handmade. And if you ever find the landfill where it's located don't hesitate to go digging around for it. It's a piece of Polka Rock history.
|"The morning after his nephew's party, Uncle Dale stumbled into the bathroom, |
looked in the mirror, and discovered he was the victim of a drunk drawing incident."
I anxiously await your witty captions and retorts in the comments section.
Summer is finally here. And I have some handy tips compiled in a short list for losing that winter weight fast. Five to be exact - not ten or twenty - that is so 2005. At any rate, after months of being stored under the stairwell, I got out the bike, lubed it up, and checked all the linkages. Gears shifting smoothly, check. Brakes, check. Proper tire pressure, check. I'll take it out for a test spin. Just peddle around a couple miles. No problem. It'll be good exercise.
I carefully carry the bike out through the front door and out onto the porch. I lock up, suit up, and I'm off down the street. I am pedaling away like a 10-year-old with boundless energy. Thrusting my right foot in front of my left as if I am floating on air. Oh, yeah, this is easy. Seven months since I've ridden and I am like a god on wheels.
|Come now, your wiener is not that big.|
Thur. June 2, 2011
Weinerville, NY (Krapsody) - Rep. Anthony Weiner is in the hot seat this week over a sexually suggestive photo he allegedly sent to a 21-year old female student in Seattle who is one of his 54,000 followers on Twitter. Weiner has not stated that the crotch in the picture was somebody else’s. So whose could it be? There will be no juvenile dick jokes or double entendres here. Quite frankly, it was mine and here's proof.
And lo, it came to pass that Macho Man Randy Savage did prevent the impending Rapture. Amen.
Macho Man Randy Savage Dies In Car Accident (5/20/2011 day before Rapture prediction) [Full Story]
Oh, cheer up Harold. We all make mistakes. It's not the end of the world.
Further reading amusement: Harold Camping - "World will actually end in October"
The Rapture. Tomorrow. Be there or be square. OR don't...it just means more virgins for me, or whatever we get in Heaven. It's Heaven, after all. I am sure you can practically get just about anything you want there. Fried Twinkies drowned in hot fudge on top of a pepperoni pizza wrapped inside of a beef and bean burrito smothered in green salsa stuffed inside of a rack of barbequed spare ribs doused with maple syrup surrounded by a garnish of chocolate truffles dipped in bullcrap. No? I guess it's just me then.
In any event, to make a long story short, all day I've been hearing about and was subjected to some lengthy reading that revealed to me that tomorrow is Official Judgment Day, and seeings as I am a bit short on repentance - at least I think I am (it gets a bit spotty after I've had a few beers at the end of the day) - apparently, I have some heavy repenting to do, in - oh, I dunno...roughly 2 hours, 35 minutes, and 10 seconds.
|Rove tries in vain to appear hip.|
President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle celebrated American poetry with a gathering of poets, musicians, and artists at the White House last Wednesday night.
With relatively harmless Caucasian guests like Aimee Mann, Steve Martin, and Kenneth Goldsmith, it’s not hard to see why the invitation of the relatively uncontroversial rapper Common was politicized by critics of Obama's poetry night celebration.
Most prominently, former Bush adviser, Karl Rove, trash-talked Common on The Sean Hannity Show, because of his "violent and misogynistic music lyrics that advocated assassinating Bush and violence against police."
"Common is nothing but a common thug," Rove cried. "He's a big scary black man. I just couldn't imagine inviting him to the White House for anything, much less to do a rap performance. The only reason he should be there is to mop the floors or serve the guests."
Bin Laden...dead? Just for the record, this is not exclusive footage, nor is it a dramatic reenactment. At best, it is a cheap sloppy imitation, or whimsical imagining. Good day.
—tags: bin Laden, death, Even I can't make this shit up, funny video clips, games, God and Win, heroes, humor, news, Obama 44th president, Osama, parodies, psycho, satire, spoofs, stupid, thought for the day
Jenny: So who is the Easter Bunny, really?
Easter Bunny: I am a part-time test subject for Revlon and I moonlight in the entertainment industry. Maybe you've seen my work in Peter Rabbit, Looney Tunes, and the Cadbury Egg commercial advertisements? I like to talk about myself in third person. Every year near Easter, I preach the words of Jesus and warn children of atheists not to meddle in theology that doesn't belong to them. After these sermons, photo opportunities are generally granted, but only to the pious for $5. My neighbors describe me as "a quiet loner." The rotting corpse of the Energizer Bunny was recently discovered in the Easter Bunny's crawl space. Christ Jebus! Easter has been canceled folks. They found the body. On that note, I have to go now.
p.s. Cadbury Eggs are made from feces of C-list celebrities.
Oh, no, they say he's got to go|
Go go Sheenzilla.
(click to embiggen)
Mt. Godzuki, Japan (Krapsody) - Last Friday's magnitude 9.0 quake and subsequent tsunami killed upwards of 5,692, and more than 9,500 people are missing. Tens of thousands more are living in temporary shelters, but only a small handful have been evacuated.
The massive quake damaged a nuclear reactor plant at Fukushima, described by one NPR correspondent from Japan as "probably not as bad as Chernobyl," and another correspondent was quoted as saying, "It's just as bad as Nagasaki, Hiroshima, and Chernobyl combined. It must violate clean air rules by now I would think." Crews are working around the clock to stabilize the reactor before the situation gets any more out of hand.
Meanwhile many homeless citizens gathered around the growing fire at the plant to make shish kabobs and s'mores. One man remarked, "My teeth are glowing a brilliant neon green now, don't you agree?" as he smiled. Indeed his teeth were as green as it gets.
Sat. March 12, 2011
Salisbury Steak Dinner, UK (Krapsody) - Paul Di'Anno, ex-heavy metal singer for the band Iron Maiden, in a twist of fate has been jailed for fraud. Di'Anno had been illegally collecting income support, housing benefit and council tax handouts between 2002 and 2008 while he toured and lived abroad. Di'Anno's autobiography, The Beast, refers to him as the "wildest man in rock". Critics may now call him the "most wanted man in rock".
Oh, dear. A sad day indeed. Welcome to the "Twilight Zone". It doesn't appear that this will be a case of "Innocent Exile", nor "Sanctuary" for Mr. Di'Anno (this news comes during "The Ides of March" coincidentally).
Here's an observational article that will likely curl your hair, or your toes, and/or both. I wanted to take a moment to wish all of you and yours a Happy Valentine's Day. It's generally a day all men forget about until the last minute. Much like birthdays, anniversaries, and the annual changing of our shorts.
Add this image to your website:
*based on a news story involving, Angeles Duran, who lives in Salvaterra do Mino, Spain. She recently laid claim to the sun legally.
According to an AFP article:
"...she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation's pension fund.
She would dedicate another 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger -- and would keep the remaining 10 percent herself."
Half the proceeds to the government? Really?? 20 percent to the nation's pension fund? And only 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger, and the remaining 10 percent for herself?? Gee...how altruistic of her.
News on the street is that she will have to adjust the lease to prorate the rent for those days when there have been, or will be, a full or partial solar eclipse.
Additionally, this extends to solar flare activity as well, which disrupts electronics and satellites orbiting our planet. Disruptions in service include cellphone reception and telecommunications transmissions on other technological devices including electrical power.
Lest I forget, a class action lawsuit is in the works: people who have been burnt by the Sun and/or end up with skin cancers are suing Ms. Duran for pain and suffering caused by her celestial body, as well as her responsibility for global warming. Lots of pissed off people I gather. She should be getting bitch slapped with the subpoena as this article is being published. Not such a good idea now, is it, Ms. Duran? 0 percent win. 100 percent FAIL.
Sat. January 1, 2011
Godthåb, Greenland (Krapsody) - By reconstructing the brains of extinct birds, researchers are shedding light on when birds evolved into creatures of flight. Overwhelming evidence suggests birds evolved from dinosaurs some 150 million years ago, but one of the missing pieces to the evolutionary puzzle is how such birds left their gates, taxied down the tarmac and finally took to the air.
Scientists in Greenland are focusing on changes in the size of a part of the rear of the brain. This part of the cerebellum, known as the flatulus (flat-choo-lus), is responsible for integrating visual and balance signals during flight, allowing birds to judge the position of other objects in midflight and release excess flatus.
"We believe we can discover how the flatulus has evolved to deal with different flying abilities, giving us new information about when birds first evolved the power of flight and ultimately, flatus. This of course makes them more buoyant, providing the "aerostatic" lift necessary for flight," said project leader Stig Qarasaasiaq, senior curator of vertebrate palaeobiology at National Museums Greenland.
In collaboration with the University of Crocodile Dundee, investigators are scanning fossils of at least a half-dozen extinct species and the skulls of roughly 100 modern birds in unusual detail. "Unlike medical scanners, which take a series of slice images through an object that may be up to...well, uhh, I don't know exactly how far apart, but it's really small..and the 3-D scanner at the University can be accurate up to..umm, something a bit smaller," Qarasaasiaq said. (The width of a strand of hair is a tad smaller than that.)
And in a related study by the same group, the reconstruction of the brains of extinct Creationists (also known as flatulus antiquitus or "old farts"), researchers reveal when humans mutated into creatures of sub-human species. Overwhelming evidence suggests Creationists probably evolved from apes some 2,000 years ago, but one of the missing pieces to the evolutionary puzzle is how such anthropoids skipped the missing link and basic public school Life Science courses, in addition to their continuation well into the modern era.
When it comes to the modern Creationists, "We are particularly interested in species that are closely related where there are somewhat intelligent and non-intelligent examples, such as Neoconservatives, Tea Party protesters, Fred Phelps, and Glenn Beck," leading project investigator Jack Schitt, told Krapsody.
Schitt went on to add, "I also see a direct correlation between the flatulus in birds and that of the extinct Creationists. The presence of flatus has led to them both being full of hot air. Brain farts are a customary occurrence in mammalia and aves together. This is just common knowledge."
Schitt, who was made famous by his Pulitzer prize-winning articles, "No Schitt, Sherlock" April 25, 1973, and "To Know Me is to Know Something, Apparently – the Autobiographical Lies of Jack Schitt" July 24, 1991, believes this research lends credibility to many theories in regards to the distinct possibility that no one really knows Jack Schitt.
More on this amazing story as it develops.