For Rent: 4.5 Billion-Year-Old Ball of Fire


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*based on a news story involving, Angeles Duran, who lives in Salvaterra do Mino, Spain. She recently laid claim to the sun legally.

According to an AFP article:
"...she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation's pension fund.

She would dedicate another 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger -- and would keep the remaining 10 percent herself."

Half the proceeds to the government? Really?? 20 percent to the nation's pension fund? And only 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger, and the remaining 10 percent for herself?? Gee...how altruistic of her.

News on the street is that she will have to adjust the lease to prorate the rent for those days when there have been, or will be, a full or partial solar eclipse.

Additionally, this extends to solar flare activity as well, which disrupts electronics and satellites orbiting our planet. Disruptions in service include cellphone reception and telecommunications transmissions on other technological devices including electrical power.

Lest I forget, a class action lawsuit is in the works: people who have been burnt by the Sun and/or end up with skin cancers are suing Ms. Duran for pain and suffering caused by her celestial body, as well as her responsibility for global warming. Lots of pissed off people I gather. She should be getting bitch slapped with the subpoena as this article is being published. Not such a good idea now, is it, Ms. Duran? 0 percent win. 100 percent FAIL.

14 Comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I'm not taking Ms Duran seriously until she avenges her humiliating defeat in the ring by Sugar Ray Leonard. You can't claim ownership of the sun if you allow yourself to be demoralised by mockery and fancy footwork.

Static said...

@ Senor Bananas - Agreed. If she's going to go toe-to-toe with a professional circus ringmaster like Sugar Ray, then she has to pay the piper. This stunt is not going to pay off her debts to the clown community.

Kelly said...

I've got a feeling she's gonna get burnt by this deal.

Static said...

@7masterheathen If you play with fire, you get burned. Ms. Duran has come under fire for setting the world on fire. It's time to fight fire with fire!

Static said...

p.s. Uh-oh. The fat's in the fire now, folks. Doesn't this seem greedy? It must be a joke. A publicity stunt of sorts. I'm just adding fuel to the fire. Stoking it. Watching it grow. If she truly wanted to make an impact, Ms. Duran should have elaborated on her methods to remove the 'services' for nonpayment of rent. That's but one giant loophole she didn't consider. But as the old saying goes, "Don't go around burning bridges." -truer words were never spoken. =)

Static said...

Official Announcement of Methods to Remove Services for Nonpayment of Rent:

I, Angeles Duran, am a bona fide villain with super powers, who has the ability to shut off lights without giving any warning for nonpayment of solar rental. The following will occur when all inhabitants are in violation of the terms in the lease:

1) **claps
The lights have, in fact, just gone out..because you forgot to pay the bill (again)!

2) **claps a second time

Aiiiieee! She did it again, folks! You egomaniacal rapscallion! This act of tyranny shall not go unnoticed--nor will it be forgotten!

3) **claps a third time

Ms. Duran, you scoundrel! What acts of mortification and deceptive practices thou must have indulged in to be given these diabolical powers?!

4) **claps again

It's a miracle! The Lord has come to thine aid and clobbered this heedful diabolic entity with His eternal light!! I can seeeeeeeee once again!

5) **claps a final time

Oh, why hast thou forsaken meeee???....Does this have anything to do with my gambling habits? Are we being punished for our sins?! I give up! Here's my money!!

marcelino said...

$1200.00 Rent, is a bit high for me, ah, will you accept a Section 8 housing voucher?

Static said...

@ Marcelino: I fear that you, and only you, will be living in the dark..because Ms. Duran has the power to cast a large gloomy cloud over you from here until eternity. 'Tis a sad day indeed. Perhaps Obama will sign a bill allowing solar energy farms to be subsidized to pay for your usage, but I doubt it.

Greg said...

Can she do anything about the long cold winters, I mean maybe turn up the thermostat during December through January, or at least give us a discount...

Static said...

@ Greg-What do you call global warming? I know, I know. How can there be global warming when it's one of the worst winters we've had in awhile. To that I say: we aren't driving enough Humvees. But we all know that's not a reasonable solution when they go for upwards of $50k a pop for a base model. Reassessing data..Ok, ever hear the term, "when Hell freezes over"? Well, it looks like Hell is freezing over. I suggest consuming more calories to secure a thick layer of blubber for the long winters ahead. Seems to work for whales.

Mother Theresa said...

You just be careful...never mess with a Spanish woman, when they mean business, they really mean business. ;)

Static said...

@ Momma T: Pssh, no tiene miedo de ningĂșn fantasma.

Lori Gomez said...

Haha

I guess it was a slow news day in Krapville.
Goodness gracious Great Balls of Fire!

I think it is very reasonable of her to ask for a little something for the effort. She could just pick up her ball of fire and take it to another playground and probably profit nicely by it.

Look how well it's worked for NBA franchises like the Oklahoma City Thunder! We should be grateful she wishes to continue playing in our league.
Sheesh!

Static said...

@LoriGVW What league would that be, The League of Extraordinary Simpletons? I'll give her credit for trying. Although my approval is given with great ambiguity.

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