Sat. March 12, 2011
Salisbury Steak Dinner, UK (Krapsody) - Paul Di'Anno, ex-heavy metal singer for the band Iron Maiden, in a twist of fate has been jailed for fraud. Di'Anno had been illegally collecting income support, housing benefit and council tax handouts between 2002 and 2008 while he toured and lived abroad. Di'Anno's autobiography, The Beast, refers to him as the "wildest man in rock". Critics may now call him the "most wanted man in rock".
Oh, dear. A sad day indeed. Welcome to the "Twilight Zone". It doesn't appear that this will be a case of "Innocent Exile", nor "Sanctuary" for Mr. Di'Anno (this news comes during "The Ides of March" coincidentally).
Paul D., a self-Maiden man, was just "Running Free" like the doomed "Prodigal Son" who appears a bit more like "The Phantom of the Opera"; a "Wrathchild" and "Genghis Khan" wrapped up together in "Another Life". Those dastardly, but oft romanticized "Killers".
In a "Strange World" full of consequences that would even make "Charlotte the Harlot" blush, this "Iron Maiden" is going to Alcatraz and not to "Transylvania".
Di'Anno, "the most wanted wildest man of rock", was considered as Charlie Sheen's replacement on the television comedy series "Two and a Half Men". But since his arrest, CBS representatives say the series will be held up with further delays.
Sheen reportedly approved of CBS' choice to go with the former Maiden frontman, calling Di'Anno "a God of Metal. A rock star from Mars. A true Vatican assassin with poetry shooting out of his warlock dick. Sell that on eBay, fools."
Di'Anno and Sheen had been spotted by paparazzi visiting several stripclubs and crack houses together up until Di'Anno's arrest on Friday.
"It was either Paul, or Dio," Sheen was quoted as saying. "But Dio is dead, because he wasn't a real warlock with tiger's blood coursing through his veins...the big pussy."
Sheen mused, "Well..I suppose standing not much taller than a measly troll at two-and-a-half feet tall, Ronnie James Dio was more of a little pussy."
Di'Anno is expected to serve half of the nine-month sentence, will be released on conditional bail, and shall owe restitution payments to the Department of Work and Pensions. A public flogging is also in the works. It seems that he is to be made an example of.
Di'Anno's unforgettable presence on the best Maiden albums preceding "Number of the Beast" and "Piece of Mind"--fronted from then on by the ubiquitous pilot at the helm of all that is Metal, Mr. Bruce Dickinson--Mr. Di'Anno seems doomed to roam the earth in "Purgatory" as a lonely "Drifter".
Maybe Di'Anno is also guilty of the "Murders in the Rue Morgue"?
What say Edgar Allan?
"...'Remember Tomorrow', dear 'Prowler', 'Remember Tomorrow'."