BOOM...HEADSHOT!!


Bin Laden...dead? Just for the record, this is not exclusive footage, nor is it a dramatic reenactment. At best, it is a cheap sloppy imitation, or whimsical imagining. Good day.

32 COMMENTS:

Amerigo Vespucci III said...

Dear Westboro Baptist Church,

We have a funeral you can protest. It's in Pakistan. We'll help you pack....

Sincerely,

America

Steve Martin said...

I was fishing yesterday in the North Arabian Sea, when, I swear, Osama Bin Laden's body fell on my head. That settles it. NO MORE POT.

Jeremy R Saunders said...

I found and killed Bigfoot this morning. He was hiding in my garden. Then I buried him at sea. I tested some DNA and it's all kosher. Honest.

Fox News said...

Breaking: Sarah Palin criticizes Obama for dumping Bin Laden's body into ocean, citing "water pollution".

M.I.A said...

what a disney weekend Princes Married, Bad guys killed.. the world lives happily ever after

TheDailyEdge said...

Limbaugh Mocks Obama for Bin Laden Hit, Uses Only Day of National Unity in Recent Memory to Reclaim Title of America's Biggest Asshole

Team America said...

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!

Siouxsie and the Banshees said...

Someones in cold storage
seeking Heinz main-courses
craving for a raw love
He'll hide you from the cleaver
he'll hang with you forever
longing for a fresh meat
By hook or by crook
you'll be 1st in his book
for an impaled affair
By hook or by crook
you'll be last in his book
of flesh oh so rare

Be a carcass-Be a dead pork
be limblessly in love
Be a carcrash(carcass)-Be a dead pork
be limblessly in love

Rafael Clarkstein said...

My friend, this is nothing but a cheap pot shot. For shames. NOT.

Gorilla Bananas said...

I hope they gave him medical attention after shooting him in the head. The next step is to organise a treasure hunt for his remains. The Indian Ocean is a big place, but Obama can say things like "you're getting warmer!" to diving teams moving in the right direction. My money is on a French team headed by a guy called "Poisson-Faim " or "Fruit de Mer".

Static said...

@ Amerigo Make it so. Maybe then Fred Phelps will actually realize the freedoms he took for granted here and be thankful for once.

Static said...

@ Mr. Martin You are one wild and crazy guy. Do you doubt the validity of bin Laden's death, or that you were so high you were licking the floor in the beverage aisle at a 7-Eleven when someone accidentally dropped a case of beer on your head since you were in the way?

Static said...

@ Jeremy Show us the pictures, or we won't believe it.

Static said...

@ Fox News Sarah Palin is mind pollution.

Static said...

@ M.I.A. Very funny. Are you sure you aren't a comedian?

Static said...

@TheDailyEdge And what version of national unity are you referring to? Although I think most will agree that Limbaugh is one of the worlds biggest assholes.

Static said...

@ Team America - Americans want MOAR puppet porn. Please try to do your jobs in accordance with such demands. Because simulated oral sex between androgynous marionettes goes against the grain for US censors. But if those depictions involve only scatological, golden shower, or graphic violence scenarios, that somehow makes it less offensive.

Static said...

@ Siouxsie I'd like to give you some pork. What are you doin' tonight?

Static said...

@ Rafael BALLZ TO YOU.

Static said...

@ Mr. Bananas I think medical attention is an unnecessary expense at this point. The team of surrender monkeys may have an easier go of it if they use a trawling net to find the body. But that seems fishy to me, and would also be a waste of time and money. I guess we'll all just to have to take the word of the powers that be that bin Laden is dead. In related news, someone who resembles bin Laden made an appearance as a guest on a recent Jerry Springer show. The tape in question has been forwarded via courier to the CIA who remain skeptical of it's authenticity.

Kelly said...

I feel sad that I couldn't torture Osama. It would have been nice to hand him over to the 9/11 victim's families for a little vengeful fun. I would have strapped him in a chair and allow them, whoever wanted to participate (who knows- maybe none would) in carving him up like a nasty old Thanksgiving turkey. No, I wouldn't eat him. That would be yucky.

Oh well... We can always dream, I suppose.

Btw, you sure have a lot of folks commenting on this post. You must be famous or somethin'.

Sincerely, Lovable Ol' Me

THE SNEE said...

You are a Smart Ass!

Fortunately for the world, I'm on this. I've formed a multinational task force of water deities to write an opinion statement on the OBL body dumping. Poseidon was elected Gavelman, Aztec storm god, Chalciuhtlicue, has formed a committee with Japanese Shinto storm god, Susanoo, to explore the increase in world destruction via floods, and Egyptian God, Khnum, is feeling slighted which is interfering with the collaborative process. But don't worry, I'll get Donald Trump on this at once!

Static said...

@7masterheathen I'm about as famous as a nobody...and who is nobody? Exactly. I'm such a nobody that I'm not famous whatsoever, and probably never will be.

What evidence we do have that someone famous, or not famous, is involved, is proof that someone has written the articles on this website. There's been no consensus that they're famous or not. There has also been no uprising to delete this website, at least not yet. So it's safe to assume that I am, and this site is, not famous.

Articles which might link to this page are ones that someone's suggested are about a person who doesn't really qualify for being famous. But again, this is no guarantee that the subject of the article, or the writer in question isn't famous. It just means that someone thinks they are, or that they're not, and wants to warn you to consider this carefully.

Somewhere, someplace, in the middle of nowhere, there's some conjecture, or not, that this article is about someone who's famous, but probably, given the acts they have committed they shouldn't be. And since they are a martyr, they may be remembered, and considered famous, if not for their atrocious acts against humanity, but for the act of being martyred alone.

And it's also been suggested that this response was written by someone famous, or someone not famous.

You should exercise caution in relying on any of this information.

The fact of the matter is, whoever this particular article depicts, and whoever I am, doesn't exist. And it's possible that you don't either.

Maybe what I need is help to create a real identity - perhaps to be taken seriously as a leader of the people, in real life or on the internets - or simply to support fraud.

The definition of exactly who's famous is problematic, and so is "identity". Since I don't have a "real" definable identity, this also means I don't have a long-form birth certificate. It's also safe to assume that when I die there will be no proof of my death, such as pictures of my corpse. It is safe to assume then that I'm not famous.

Some people create multiple websites and userids in order to give a false impression of fame. They may write unfavorable as well as favorable reviews of their own privately published or non-existent work. (Genuinely famous people are most unlikely to find the time for such things, of course.)

While we have methods of identifying such examples, they are time-consuming and fallible. They ultimately prove nothing in the end, much less the validity of fame, especially if there is no identity to attach to such fame, as is the case with me.

However, maybe I'm borderline famous. Some borderline cases are people who are not yet famous but will be soon, and it's impossible to predict who these people are, and when it will happen, if ever.

In other words, I may be on the brink of being famous, or just have not yet met the right person..and/or sucked the right dick to become famous. But chances are, this will not likely happen. For one, I don't like the idea of sucking dick. It's not for me: either for sexual gratification or for getting ahead in life. But it's fine if others choose that for themselves. And since I am without an identity, this would prove futile anyway.

However, these reasons alone are not good enough reasons to ignore genuinely borderline cases of fame.

I also think people who have delusions that they are famous, could be due to mere eccentricity or it could be a sign of mental illness.

Since I do not embody any characteristics covered here, it can be concluded that I am not famous. Therefore, it can also be concluded that I'm ordinary, rational and sane...unless you count the hypothetical bodies in my basement which eventually, inadvertently will be discovered by the plumber when he goes down to check the water heater, and I'll have my 15-minutes of fame like every other mass-murdering homicidal misanthrope. Or not.

Static said...

@ THE SNEE: Wow, you must be famous.

Kelly said...

Are you sure you're not famous? Maybe that reliable source- Fox News or the other reliable source- Donald Trump knows for sure. Multiple identities? Hmmm. Nah... I don't think that Static character has multiple identities. That idea is just so wowee n' stuff. I'm gonna stick with you're famous. Take pride in your fame and IF YOU remember... &*%$@!(*^%+$##* you'll always feel the love of your adoring fans even if they don't know if you were born in this country or not.

Btw, the word verification this time around in the comment box is "younmeno". Is that code for "You The Man?" Gosh, so many important questions in life to be answered.

Famously, masterheathen

THE SNEE said...

Not famous, just very well connected, and I know someone who owns a boat.

Static said...

@7masterheathen You have a point. Since being a nobody has become so trendy, I dare to be different instead...

Static said...

@7masterheathen Oh, yes...I am most famous indeed...for exploding burritos in 7-Eleven microwaves. FIRE IN THE HOLE!

Static said...

@ THE SNEE: So in other words, through six degrees of separation you know Fidel Castro?

Obama been Larden said...

Hello. I hate to throw a monkey wrench into your plans, but I am alive and well. I have been hiding in a camel butt with Alois the zookeeper this entire time.

The Wolf said...

I'm sure there are a couple of camels in Pakistan right now that are very relived that Bin Laden is dead. It gets lonley at night there or so I've been told

Static said...

@ The Wolf: au contraire, mon frere! Ze camels love ze attention. 9 out of 10 camels agree, bin Laden was a most passionate lover.

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