Krapsody.com Reporter Dubious Monk
Inside Tropical Storm Irene
NEWSFLASH! Everything in New England shut down as Irene was downgraded from a hurricane to a tropical storm. As the storm was overhead, I scurried down to the hurricane barriers in Providence, RI to catch the action but there was none to be found.
I consulted with several local meteorologists and discovered the storm had moved further inland. So I promptly scurried over to some swamp Yankee's house within the eye of the storm for some fried wandis and iced coffee.
I filmed the battering winds of the ferocious tempest as shown in the following clip:
tropical storms is serius bisnis
Let me just say it was pretty uneventful, dear Krapsody readers. I expected to find boats crashing into buildings, houses getting blown over, falling trees, or something along those lines. But not much of anything happened really apart from some isolated power outages and the occasional toupee getting caught in the wind. As I sat there wondering what to do for a story my mind drifted as it usually does.
Most of you will be familiar with the archetypal nightmare involving your unexpected nudity in a public place: you're nervous about an impending big day at work or an important exam and the night before you dream that you have somehow managed to forget your clothes. For a toupee-wearer that nightmare might be superseded by another one - turning up somewhere without your toupee.
That's when I realized that I was no longer wearing my hairpiece. It must have blown off in my hurry to get the details of this story. I might add that I also felt completely naked without it.
Just for the record, Irene's 70-80 mph winds are nothing when compared to Katrina's 120-125 mph winds. And this time I lost my goddamn toupee so I don't want to hear any more whining.
That will be all.
*End of Transmission
Krapsody apologizes for the previous garbage you have just read. Realizing the only thing that can make up for this dreadful excuse for a story is a video clip of Christopher Walken reading a fairy tale from a children's book. And nothing could be more appropriate and softens the blow of a hurricane or bad reporting like Christopher Walken reading The Three Little Pigs.
It should be noted that Christopher Walken may or may not wear a toupee.