In this stunning, never-before-seen and recently uncovered video, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson has some hobbies that most people will find far outside the mainstream.
Drink up, wise quacker, your beard needs lots of nourishment--giving the rest of us a real reason to "fear the beard".
In this stunning, never-before-seen and recently uncovered video, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson has some hobbies that most people will find far outside the mainstream.
Friday December 21, 2012 (Krapsody) — In case you didn't get the memo: The world is coming to an end! Over two thousand bazillion years ago the Mayans predicted a giant death toad was going to appear in the sky, it will eat the sun and rays will shoot out of it's eyes destroying the universe as we know it.
Now I know some people are going to want to lick it, but the Mayan Death Toad won't have it. This is no time for last minute wishes or regrets. Too late. There's no escape. Just ask people in time zones ahead of us, like in China or Australia. But you can't because they're all gone! If you have been told that China and all it's people are still there, you're wrong! The cunning Mayan Death Toad knows how to trick people. It's had over two thousand bazillion years to prepare for this moment!
|Sometimes you can't....|
Get Satisfaction FAIL (click pic to enlarge)
Want more background on this post? Click Here
The Rapture. Tomorrow. Be there or be square. OR don't...it just means more virgins for me, or whatever we get in Heaven. It's Heaven, after all. I am sure you can practically get just about anything you want there. Fried Twinkies drowned in hot fudge on top of a pepperoni pizza wrapped inside of a beef and bean burrito smothered in green salsa stuffed inside of a rack of barbequed spare ribs doused with maple syrup surrounded by a garnish of chocolate truffles dipped in bullcrap. No? I guess it's just me then.
In any event, to make a long story short, all day I've been hearing about and was subjected to some lengthy reading that revealed to me that tomorrow is Official Judgment Day, and seeings as I am a bit short on repentance - at least I think I am (it gets a bit spotty after I've had a few beers at the end of the day) - apparently, I have some heavy repenting to do, in - oh, I dunno...roughly 2 hours, 35 minutes, and 10 seconds.
Bin Laden...dead? Just for the record, this is not exclusive footage, nor is it a dramatic reenactment. At best, it is a cheap sloppy imitation, or whimsical imagining. Good day.
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Stuffed in a trunk (Krapsody) - Hey everybody, it's 10/10/10!!! OMG!!!!! What DOES it mean?!
Maybe this. Or maybe this.
Pfft. OK. Or maybe . . . I predict..nay, I estimate...no, I BELIEVE (yes that's it) that there's a 10 in 10 chance SOMETHING will happen. There's also a 10 in 10 chance NOTHING will happen! OMG what are the
chances...er, odds...um, WHATEVER??!!
Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who probably found one of the most dramatic ways to quit a job ever, is the most famous flight attendant since Vesna Vulovic. Yes, I know. Just click the link and you'll understand. Slater, allegedly cursed out an entire aircraft, grabbed a beer and then exited a plane by deploying the emergency slide suddenly found himself a hero of thousands of people just like him. How does a melodrama, such as this, propel a flight attendant into infamy? It seems losing one's patience isn't all you will lose when flying the friendly skies.
Dick, PA - "I've seen some weird eBay listings before but this is really weird: HAUNTED PENIS RINGS. I discovered this oddity as I checked my Google Analytics account to see what hot keywords people are using to hit on my site...'penis' still seems to be at the top of the list of weird searches that direct to krapsody.com. Followed by 'whale penis'. And stranger yet, 'inside elephants ass', 'giraffes asshole', and 'old man in spedos [sic]'. I can understand 'whale penis', maybe I can even understand 'inside elephants ass' as those would be somewhat relevant. Boy, some of you people on the internets are REAL degenerates. I can only imagine how disappointed some of you freaks are when you don't actually find what you're looking for," Static says candidly.
The lower back tattoo, also known as a "tramp stamp", "ass antlers", or "whore tag", has become very popular in recent years.
Pop culture has embraced the tramp stamp. But then again, over time, pop culture also embraced the mullet, flannels over t-shirts, parachute pants, stirrup pants, leisure suits, and virtual pets. Hindsight is 20/20. The difference is that these items could all be thrown out or changed. A tramp stamp is permanently yours until it becomes the gramp stamp.
I have conflicted feelings with the term “Tramp Stamp”, because a woman having a lower back tattoo doesn’t automatically make her a “Tramp”, i.e., sexually loose and/or promiscuous. Women should be able to have a tattoo anywhere on their bodies without prejudice. Even if they are badly done. In fact, the worse they are, the more fun it is to laugh at them.
Tattoos can be a very personal choice, so while others of us might not choose to get one, many do for reasons known only to them. If they like them then that is all that matters regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Labels such as “Tramp Stamp” continue to perpetuate tattooing stereotyping and stigmas toward tattoos, especially regarding women and their popular tattoo choices.
Shame on people repulsed by tattoos who make fun of them. Shame on tattoo enthusiasts who do the same. Shame on tattoo artists who give the same stamps over and over again. And shame on tattoo magazines and all of the above for perpetuating antiquated perceptions of women with ink.
Having said that, this is the absolute worst Tramp Stamp I have ever seen:
Your trendy "Tramp Stamp" isn't all that liberating anymore when compared to that one, is it? Shame on you. Try being more original next time, Tramp.
Now Playing: You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
posted with Foxy Tunes
It's been a while between articles, but I'm never gone for long. The internet has a better chance of getting rid of me once Hell freezes over, and considering climate changes and global warming that will happen NEVER. And so lately I've been awful busy making cheese and selling door knobs, and in this economy it's just that much more difficult to sell door knobs made of cheese.
I would really like to find a useful application for lint. It seems like such a wasted resource. Honestly, I feel funny admitting this, but I don't empty the lint trap in the dryer until I know I can pull out a wad of lint so enormous, that it could only be compared to bigfoot, and then I feel like I've accomplished something.
Wash hundreds of socks. Remove lint. Continue napping. And my day is complete.
Let me be clear, I'm not excluding belly button lint here, either. I predict there will be an Art Movement of Belly Button Lint. I believe with the correct shampoo and styling products we could soon see Belly Button Lint gracing the catwalks in Paris and Milan.
Just think about it though. When you clean out your lint trap, imagine all those thick layers of lint you toss out. What if they could be "recycled" and "reused"? Which reminds me, how many socks do you lose every year in your dryer?
Interesting enough, lint can make a great layer of insulation for homes. There are many many other uses for it as well.
For example, making thread from lint, you could replace those lost pair of socks in no time.
Those fuzzy fluffy fibers (which are essentially the by-product of fabrics!) would be a fabulous way to economize the textile industry, don't you think?
We're all trying to think outside of the box with our current economic situation: the restructuring of the health care system, the bailouts, the gasoline shortage and renewable energy...why shouldn't we consider clothing too?
Such an innovation could, oh I dunno...take on a reality series like Project Runway and provide it's homofabulous contestants with such new found passion they literally burst out of their pants?! It's a moment I know I've been eagerly awaiting.
There's no question that such innovation would set the fashion world on it's head!! What an accomplishment it would be to make lines of clothing from...FUZZ! Whether that's dryer or belly button lint (lint in general being the least acknowledged resource), right?! (for more fashion sense see my Hobo Chic article)
In all my excitement it appears I've overlooked an important companion to Belly Button Lint - Bum Crack Lint! Lint can also accumulate at the top of your bum crack, near the small of your back. YES! I know, right?! Depending on the size of your ass, there can be QUITE an accumulation.
Just how much is the question. What is the relationship between these two lint accumulators I wonder? Are they always the same color? Does lint migrate from one location to the other? What are the relative lint densities between bum crack and belly button? There are clearly a number of important, unexplored issues here.
Maybe if we examine it from an astrophysics point-of-view; "A lint gland? Preposterous! However, it is possible through further research to determine that lint is drawn from our underwear by the gravitational force of the tiny black hole that each of us has in our navel." - Albert Einstein on Darwin's Belly Button Lint Theory
Or perhaps human biology is at work; "Lint actually comes from the inside of your belly. This occurred after thousands of years of evolution. There is a (yet-to-be-discovered) lint gland, which resides just behind your belly button. This works something like our sinuses, except instead of producing mucus, it produces lint." - Charles Darwin on The Belly Button Lint Theory
But perhaps the belly button is simply where lint goes to retire after working it's way towards your belly button it's entire life. This is where things get tricky.
According to recent polls conducted by Yours Truly, (there were no subjects to interview, so I made that up), people are relatively indifferent to lint (meaning they have little contempt or love for it).
For example, the "If Your Relationship To Lint Were A Romance, Would Your Feelings Best Be Described As.." poll, consisting of the following answers:
a.) Running scared for the hills!
b.) Wanting to commit, but always feeling unsure.
c.) Ready to make a permanent commitment.
d.) Interested, but taking it slowly and carefully.
25.8% of those polled responded with 'a', 24.6% responded with 'b', 24.3% responded with 'c', 23.9% responded with 'd', and 1.4% responded with "no clue", "get a life", and "f*** the hell off". So the answers given were all too close to really confirm whether people absolutely love or hate lint.
And the "Other Possible Uses For Belly Button Fluff Would Be..." poll I conducted revealed some of the following responses:
storage: "My friend collects his boyfriend's and stores it in his teddy bear." [That Paris (Hilton)..she's a riot!]
clothing: "I'm saving mine to knit a jacket." [Martha Stewart is so resourceful, isn't she?]
baldness: "I'm collecting it for my male pattern baldness . . . " [What does that mean exactly? F*** if I know!]
homecraft: "I reckon we should establish Belly Button Lint collection stations, and make quilts and pillows from it. Maybe we could establish a cottage industry, and have people with spinning wheels recreating cotton and other fabrics from the lint." [EXACTLY!]
lighting: "Could Belly Button Lint be combined with ear wax to make a candle? This could go some way towards solving the energy crisis. I have plenty of ear wax to donate." [I believe this person (Al Gore) is a genius!]
firestarting: "It's useful as tinder when out in the wilderness." [Smokey The Bear is so cool!]
Speaking of wilderness survival, how about those reality TV survival series? Unlike Bear Grylls, most of my skills would be useless in the wilderness. Unless you count making balloon animals as being useful.
Although, balloon artistry is not so useful unless you plan on becoming a clown.
And let's face it, clowns are not so entertaining or popular once you pass a certain age...only fit for children and those that are easily amused.
Although, clown popularity could change if more reality TV shows involving clowns were available for viewers. Here's how one possible reality clown series might play out...
Wilderness Survival Clown: episode 1
Bear spots clown
Clown spots bear
Bear approaches clown
Clown squirts bear w/seltzer water
Bear mauls clown
Wilderness Survival Clown fail
See? Now how entertaining would THAT be? Clown meets bear, bear kills clown. The show contains information, romance, suspense, drama, and lols all in one!
The Lint Song by MC Lars
I am sick of hearing about the swine flu epidemic!
Krapsody just did the math, and we are...eh..I am not so good (in fact you could say HORRIBLE) at math - but according to "our" calculations: .000003% of the planet's population is infected. I think it's okay to be cautious, but I also think we should be realistic about the threat.
All the ridiculous paranoia and internet buzz over it now.
Drivel that includes:
"How do you think the Swine Flu will affect the USA? I'm guessing not too bad... vote now!"
"It was once said that a black man would be president "when pigs fly" indeed 100 days into Obama's presidency SWINE FLU!"
"How does one steer clear of swine flu? ...GO VEGAN!!!"
"Wash your hands!"
"Avoid people who have the sniffles!"
"Avoid anyone coughing!"
"Cough into your elbow!"
"Avoid people and public places!"
"Don't eat any pork products!"
"Is ham made from pigs?!"
Blah blah blah fercrissakes what a mob of bumbling idiots! Blaming Mexico and pigs. As far as washing hands and coughing or sneezing into your elbow, that's just common sense. Do we really have to be reminded of this? But washing your hands alone isn't going to be enough if the virus spreads via airborne transmission.
It seems to me that if it was as infectious as the CDC, the US Department of Health and the WHO are making it out to be..
..then more people have probably been exposed than they are counting on...which I believe more people would have it by now. Since I have every disease known to man..that makes me an expert on infectious diseases.
141 people in the U.S. get swine flu and everyone is wearing masks--millions of people get AIDS and no one wants to wear condoms? What the devil is that all about?
I've read about the media creating mass hysteria, recently even, in my psychology class. I could understand how Orson Wells and the War of the World's radio broadcast in 1938 sent people jumping out of windows in a fit of hysterics. People were paranoid, more impressionable and had access to less information than we do in our era.
Speaking of stupidity and ignorance in the information age, I have to wonder why Russia decided to ban imports of beef and possibly chicken because of swine flu. Does this seem like logical reasoning?
And what about people who have allergies? If they sneeze or cough, are they going to be dragged off to a quarantine camp somewhere for fear they have the dreaded sow sickness?
I get the fact that this could be considered a health threat. For gosh sakes nearly...16 people in Mexico died from it..but Mexico doesn't have the greatest health care system in the world either. Children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are most at risk. So be sure to pack them all into a biohazard suit until the coast is clear.
Do you know how to tell if you have swine flu? Your tail curls. No seriously, click that link for some advice from a doctor about the poop on swine flu, quit letting others tell you what it is or how it spreads and find out for yourself. edit: so do you have swine flu?
I think ignorance and believing things that just aren't true are the real epidemic. Frankly, poor grammar is a worse epidemic than swine flu in my opinion.
Swine flu's got nothing on good ol' bubonic plague...I'm just sayin'. I think we'll have a vaccine strong enough to combat the swine flu before any epidemic rivals that of the Black Death.
The name the WHO gave it even sucks. Swine Flu. Why not: Hog Virus or Piggy Syndrome? But noooooooooo! They wouldn't listen to me!
Their media circus has led other nations like Egypt to slaughter thousands of pigs, hoping to stop the spread of the disease. In the wake of the "swine flu" hysteria the WHO have created, they've now decided to RENAME the bug.
WHO spokesman Dick Thompson acknowledged that the term "swine flu" was misleading consumers and needlessly causing countries to ban pork products and order the slaughter of pigs, over concerns the agriculture industry and U.N. food agency had expressed.
"Rather than calling this swine flu ... we're going to stick with the technical scientific name H1N1 influenza A," Thompson said.
It's now called, H1N1 Influenza A? Gee, that's a much better name alright...
The virus isn't a new one either, as far back as the 70's they discovered the virus in four different forms originating in pigs, but probably mutated at some point and spread with human-to-human contact.
Keep in mind that this virus is infectious up to 48 hours before symptoms appear, so your "well appearing" contacts may actually be infectious. Holding your breath in confined spaces is highly recommended. IF you start turning blue, just continue holding your breath..either way you're screwed pal.
And also keep avoiding pork products. Be sure to wash your hands every five seconds, people will think you are OCD and have you sent off to a rubber room.
Especially since the AP reports a little over an hour ago that the "swine flu" may be less potent than first feared. Feel confused, or stupid now?
It's ironic that people freak out if someone leaves their dog in the car while they buy a quart of milk. But it's ok to lock 5,000 pigs in a confinement center to wallow in their own shit festering with diseases, so close together all they can do is sniff the ass of the pig in front of them.
That's the true face of "the other white meat". What a load of pig shit. The pig has had it rough enough. Lay off them for awhile, ya jerks!
Lastly, health smealth. WHO cares? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Death should not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Swine flu is the best thing that ever happened to me. Flights are super cheap because of it. Mexico here I come..I'll be as happy as a pig wallowing in it's own zen!
I'm gonna go get kinky with some swine. See ya when I see ya (or not because I may get H1N1 Influenza A hog virus and spew out my last krap ever)!
Click the image for more Piggy Kink
Also, in another Mexico related news story:
Diners report seeing Virgin Mary in food griddle
In Calexico, California a cook says she saw the likeness of the Virgin Mary on a griddle as it was being cleaned.
Maybe we can all pray to the Virgin Mary griddle that we don't have a swine flu epidemic on our hands and then we'll make some killer pork lard pancakes with it...and a side of bacon.
p.s. Happy Mother's Day
who said you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig?
Today's story: The Lulzercaust Campaign Trail of Tears.
While doing some investigating on my Google Analytics account I discovered that within our beloved country, I am missing out on some big love. Namely, two states that seem oblivious to the existence of Krapsody. In this day and age the question is how?
Another passing thought I had today when ol' Octomom Nadya Suleman crossed my mind momentarily.
Now that Nadya's tape of her giving birth to her octuplets will be sold to any takers offering a seven figure sum, we'll soon officially know what it's like to witness what it must be like to see a cantaloupe being tossed out of the Grand Canyon...once it's posted on the internet that is.
"The search for wisdom is a great challenge; to act on wisdom is an even greater challenge."
- Jagadguru Siddhaswarupananda Paramahamsa
What does the term "higher than a giraffe's ass" mean? It 's when someone is really high (on life... or drugs.)