¡Mi Asno Duele. Ay Caramba!

¿Que pasa, por qué esta reacción? ¡Mi Asno Duele. Ay Caramba!
(That passes, why this reaction? My Burro Hurts. Oh Heck!)

I swear it seems people are so easily offended anymore, by people I am referring to Americans, because it's often implied by many Americans that Americans are the only people on the planet. I think I can safely say so, since I am American, and amongst the many things America stands for, one would be freedom of speech...but hold on, let me just barricade the door, I see a crowd gathering outside already...hold on one sec.

Ok, whew! Avoiding the lynch mobs are getting more difficult every day. Anyway, I was referring to the recent ad campaign that the distillers of Sweden's Absolut vodka have withdrawn, an advertisement run in Mexico that angered many U.S. citizens by idealizing an early 19th century map showing chunks of the United States as being a part of Mexico. (Which it was at the time. History says so. Right? Mmmkay.)

The billboard ad has the slogan "In an Absolut World" slapped over a pre-1848 map showing California, Arizona and other U.S. states as Mexican territory. Those states were carved out of what had been Mexican lands until that year. (Just like I said. Right? Mmmkay.)

absolut mistake

I am curious how an ad showing a map of what Mexico used to look like and the ad commentary that is obviously meant in jest could breed so much animosity?

In fear that the ad itself would breed or renew anti-American sentiments across the border, only the U.S. has undergone a border buildup and been embroiled in an emotional debate over illegal immigration from it's southern neighbor -- considering that the U.S. assumed the right to limit the self-determination of any people in the world through its so-called "preemptive strikes" using blackmail and coercion year after year to impose a resolution that manipulates the issue of human rights or political correctness, so as to fabricate an illegitimate pretext for its policy of hostility towards countries such as Mexico.

However, U.S. consumers in this instance of course called for a boycott. And apparently, Mexico still resents losing that territory in the 1848 Mexican-American War and the fight for Texas independence.

Seems like the animosity still exists, so ...let's just sweep it under the carpet shall we? We can't see the elephant in the room because it's hidden under there with everything else we've managed to put under it.

drop the chalupa imperialist swine

This is also a classic case of "It was ours first" and "No, it was ours first" kind of mentality that seems to have warped the common sense of most human beings to date. I see children playing in sandboxes together who are less self-centered. Wait a second, actually this would be the second strike against Mexico, the first was the new immigration laws and that big fence called the U.S.-Mexico Barrier or the Great Wall of Mexico which hasn't seen completion. what's a chalupa?

And what about Absolut vodka? Where does Absolut fit into all of this? Absolut is a contemporary phenomenon. First exported in 1979, Absolut vodka quickly soared to one of the best-selling premium vodkas in the world today. It is an overnight success since 1879. And now an overnight shame to some it appears.

Absolut said in a statement left on its consumer inquiry phone line, "In no way was it meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues."

absolut chaos

Absolut has always had offbeat ads. Their quirky advertisements place Absolut vodka bottles in unique situations around a theme usually. And up until now to my knowledge no one has had an embolism as a result of the ads. It's not like it's a cartoon depicting Muhammad with a bottle of Absolut in his turban.

absolut humor

The real enemy, no sense of humor.

absolut global warming

Can't we all just get along? I don't see OPEC and environmentalists fighting over this ad.

John & Yoko absolut pose

Similarly I don't think John Lennon and Yoko Ono fans were up in arms over this ad which featured Absolut bottles in unsavory places.

What about these Absolut spoofs? AbsolutAd.com has no connection to the Absolut Vodka company and I'm not sure if anyone can submit their own photochopped spoofs or not. I don't think Absolut was up in arms over some of the less savory ones. Have a look and tell me what you think.

In retrospect this all seems silly and just a distraction from the real issues at hand. Like for example the Olympic Games in Beijing. Noting that China has the power to convince the Sudanese government to accept deployment of the United Nations-African Union (UNAMID) peacekeeping forces for Darfur, instead China remains Sudan's major weapons provider, largest foreign investor and trade partner, and diplomatic apologist.

China's human rights record, includes its harsh rule in Tibet. The question being whether or not nations and President Bush should sit quietly and watch the lighting of the Olympic torch—under a 'one world, one dream' banner, basking under the warm glow of peace and brotherhood associated with the opening games while the rest of the world continues to underwrite atrocities and real human rights.

Of course these mere issues are certainly less important than an Absolut advertisement depicting the U.S. and Mexico's relations in a unpleasant manner.

Bush is pimpin'

I am afraid I won't be writing any more articles as I am being targeted by the U.S. government as unpatriotic and a traitor. Public enemy no. 1. The FBI will be transporting me to Guantanamo Bay and there I will meet George W. Bush who, by his own hand, will give me a double dose of "terror suspect torture".

This will include hours upon hours of 'I Love Lucy' reruns followed by Mariachi band music at ear drum shattering volumes so I can't sleep, nothing but Taco Bell hot sauce to eat and drink, and for recreation I will be photographed in compromising positions in a nude dog pile, spanked and forced to say things like, "who's your daddy?!". Until next time. See ya on the upside.


Gorilla Bananas said...

What is the name of that very famous song, played by the mariachi band conjured up by Q in Star Trek: The Next Generation? Everyone's heard it but few people know what it's called.

Andrew Long said...

Haha great post! I wouldn't take that barricade off your door for at least a week after that one! ;) j/k

I didn't really care about the whole Absolut campaign until I saw how many people were all uptight about it. Then it was funny lol.

Static said...

Funny you mention that, since I like spanish classical music it's usually been a piece I've heard played primarily on the classical guitar but the original song also has lyrics.

And I do remember that Star Trek episode, but I couldn't remember the names of the episode or song either. So using the power of the internet I looked it up and voila!

'Deja Q' was the Star Trek episode and the mariachi band was playing "La Paloma".
The clip you referred to can be seen here http://youtube.com/watch?v=VBTRp80Q64U

Written by Spanish composer, Sebastián Yradier around 1860 after a visit to Cuba, it's a very famous song used widely. A quick search on Amazon revealed many varied versions.

It's been adopted by many cultures including the mariachi's in Mexico, but also has had much popularity in Spain, Hawaii, Germany, France, Romania and Zanzibar, it has gained the status of a quasi folk song.

According to Wikipedia, Guinness World Records lists "Yesterday" by the Beatles as the most recorded song with apparently about 1,600 recordings. It has been suggested that "La Paloma" has more than 2,000 to 5,000 recordings.

Hope that answers your question.


Static said...

Hi Andrew,

I expect the CIA and a Mariachi Band will be storming through my barricade in the wee hours of the morning. Until that happens, I have to say that sometimes I feel like barricading oneself in their home forever seems like a good idea if they like to question authority.

But then that's not living, that's paranoia. And I'd much rather express my opinions in the open whether or not we have a law that permits it anyway. God Bless Freedom of Speech.

Now for my next rant about the fascist leanings of the MPAA and the FCC!

I'll just toss another article of furniture on that barricade now...

Andrew Long said...

Ah crap...my tag cloud has GOT to go! I've been breached!! :-D

Gorilla Bananas said...

Great work, Static. I've spent fruitless hours trying to trace that tune. In return, I'll keep quiet about the fact that you're Don King's son. I owe you that much.

Static said...

Andrew - I figured that would send up red flags for you as well.

Gorilla Bananas - Thanks, but I think my secret is out now. Thank heavens you didn't mention I am his illegitimate son... whoops.

Anonymous said...

Nice post static. They can't be too mad though as they are slowly retaking over california lol. Also congrats on posting a long blog that actually kept my attention.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Hi Static, a fascinating post: I'd no idea that distilled potato juice could have such political implications! I must look up that Mariachi song you mention - I live in Romania and if it's popular here, as you say, they I can get somebody to whistle it for me. Btw, I'd assumed you were the illegitimate son of Screamin' Jay Hawkins, who, at the time of his death a few years ago, was reckoned to have had about 75 of them.

Michele said...

Great post! Honestly it seems people will get into an uproar over anything these days. Where did our sense of humor go? Such a shame...

Anonymous said...

Heh. Kudos! Barricade your door for a week? Hell, you will probably have to go underground and get a new identity.

Static said...

Gadjo Dilo - Screamin' Jay Hawkins put a spell on j00!

Michele - Our sense of humor escaped out the window along with Screamin' Jay Hawkin's sanity.

Pentad - I am now going to go by the name Screamin' Jay Hawkins. Shhh, it's a secret, I put a spell on j00!

Tim - I'm glad I could capture your attention. It must be the spell I put on j00!

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