Caption This Little Piece of Gorillasushi

My digital friend and fellow-blogger, Jason over at hosted a Carnival of Captions on 5-29-08. Unfortunately, I was churning butter that day, so I missed out. But as I always say it's better to be fashionably late than never show up.

Claire at A Little Piece of Me participated and had a photo that just I couldn't resist captioning.

llama nasal sucking

"Clearing a llama's nasal passages requires ALOT of sucking."

You can submit your own captioned photos to, the submission deadline for the next upcoming contest is Jun 4, 2008 at 11pm.

I already have one in mind I am going to submit, as usual I pulled this one out of my ass. Now caption it!

extreme skiing gone awry

Semiotic Retardology

Lost critter.
lost cat

Seeing the dentist in a foreign country means getting screwed.
international dentistry

Imagine the pain.
Imagine the pain

Seriously... Imagine the pain.
cardio dick boxing

Everyone wants a 0% off sale.
0% off sale

Nice. If you're into that. Just don't call him Shirley.
Strange Ad

Just kidding. Sorry about your total loss!
Just kidding sign

Hmm, and all this time I thought these people were ACTUALLY homeless.
Work 4 food ad

Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being.
Very funny sign

A collection of really bad ads. What were they thinking?
Really bad ads

Interesting concept, funny what fish are lured in by,
but I wouldn't buy any bait here if I were you.
lol sign

Click on and enlarge this ad,
have a look on the right side of the page for the sale on pineapples.
Free Image Hosting at

QuickPost Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

Savorless Flavor of Reality World

Are you a reality t.v. fan? You might have missed the reunion episode of 'Flavor of Love 3' wherein Flavor Flav kicks the winner, Thing 2 (great nickname) to the curb, and proposes to the mother of his SEVENTH child. Oh, nah he din't. Oh, yes he did, girlfriend! See fo' yo-selfs!

I think I just vomited a little. I'm surprised someone hasn't been shot on any reality t.v. shows yet. Because in my opinion that's the way it appears reality t.v. is headed. You know some of these "contestants" one day are going to get so pissed off that might actually happen. Sorry to say, but I'm not a fan of reality t.v., I think it's the downfall of humanity and the continuing decline of modern civilization.

It's bad enough "reality t.v." puts dysfunction, stupidity and ignorance in the limelight. And although it's good for some laughs on occasion, as far as how worse off your life could be. The scary thing to me is, people who watch these, mostly teens who need more appropriate role models as they develop important social skills to prepare them for real life, there are also some adults who think shows like this are a model for real life and watch every episode they can. Their brains soaking up the televised miasma of modern soap operas, infecting their minds with the disease of reality t.v. for the sake of mind-numbing entertainment.

reality t.v.

These shows aren't anywhere close to being an actual model for reality. When was the last time your reality looked like the latest "reality" t.v. series?

What would make reality t.v. REAL?! Let's see, perhaps a bunch of homeless people getting rolled by the police in L.A., or a family torn apart by infidelity, maybe follow the life of an average ordinary citizen who does nothing particularly interesting in their day to day activities, a janitor scrubbing toilets or a housewife who has to pick up after her lazy household? Maybe an entire series made of surveillance camera clips?

Many civilizations throughout history ended up destroying themselves with pure unadulterated hedonism. Looks like we are nearing the pinnacle again. I hate to think when we are all gone and distant future generations are doing archaeological digs they might accidentally discover our reality t.v. shows.

Now before you say "Static, don't be hatin'!" think about this...

Take a television show based on a bunch of ignorant people that have TONS of baggage, a predisposition towards dysfunctional behavior often including violence. Mix in several parts alcohol, immaturity, sexual innuendo, and silly contests. Then pit all these people against one another by forcing them to share the same home and "love interest" and see who beats whom (literally sometimes), all in the proposed setting that these persons are competing for the "love" (money, free ride on the coattails of fame) of one washed-up celebrity on a cable television network. Doesn't that seem just a little sick to you? I certainly don't pay my cable bill to watch this shit. But apparently lots of people do, just so they can see Jerry Springer rejects dry hump a fire hydrant like a dog in heat and beat each other into bloody pulps instead of getting therapy. Essentially coming across as a society of mindless chimps flinging poo and engaging in other primitive behaviors. Is that how we really want to be remembered?

bret michaels reality

As for Flavor, he basically had three shows that gave him 60+ chances more than he would have normally had at getting laid, likely propagating several more illegitimate children in the process and getting his name out there again before he popped the question to a mother of one of his many children. Seven kids man? The guy seems like he has the mental development of a 12-year-old child. My prediction is; in six months a new series - 'Flavor of Love 4'.

Flav's yo daddy
Flav demonstrates to kids about how to make babies.

Happy Entrails To You

Who would have known mountain biking was that hazardous?
At least that $4000 bike didn't get damaged.
More at:

Top Five Skrilly Scratch Sketches

Rarely do I find anything much worth a krap on StumbleUpon. But every now and again I come across a few jems that show there are some bits of creativity with an element of humor intact.

I present

Every day a countless number of bank notes change hands all around the world. When was the last time the money itself said something to you? When did it last make you think? Has it ever?

What if you could make someone think before they paid?

What if you could make them smile when they got their change?

What if someone else could do it to you, just by asking you a question?

de-noted is a blog to see what would happen if you release a question written on a bank note.

But is also about artistically defacing currency.

Let's have a look at my top five picks from

Ninja Hamilton
Meet Ninja Hamilton, "Money can't buy you happiness but it can buy you assassins."

Queen Mickey
Queen Elizabeth II never looked better,
"I have to be seen to be believed. M-i-c-k-e-y-M-o-u-s-e. Ooooers!"

Number of the Beast
Washington as the Beast foretold of in Revelation,
"Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the Beast."

Sir Wilfrid Laurier as Spock, "Money? Highly illogical captain."

Mao. Mao. Mao. Mao. Mao. I'm surprised they didn't have the Three Stooges... "Hey Mao!"

All this talk about money makes me wish I had more that I could deface. Let's have a look at today's market, shall we?


Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. Balloon prices were inflated. Oil continued it’s slippery slide. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

In case you don't know how to use Google;
Scratch = Money.
Skrill = Money.
Skrill monkey = A person who loves and hoards money.

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usImage Hosted by ImageShack.usSEO marketing chimp
Now dems some real skrill monkeys!

Why Bush Stopped Golfing

President Bush in an interview with Politico Chief Political Correspondent Mike Allen announced that he has decided to stop playing golf, get this, because he doesn't want some mother of a son who died serving the military in Iraq to see him golfing. He'd much rather reminisce about being caught playing with his inaugural balls in the oval office.

Witness the President's last swing, "now watch this drive..."

What he's claiming essentially is that he has morals and a conscience. Hurricane Katrina in retrospect, I guess he realizes while he and Papa Bush were out fishing after that disaster that there are bigger things to concern themselves with. Afterall, he has to keep up appearances, right?

Dance Whiteboy Dance!
Bush stand-up comedy

As usual Bush stumbled, stuttered and skirted around issues such as the price of oil, the war in Iraq, and whether he likes plaid or solid colors with the usual rhetoric that makes no sense unless you are a mental patient who has just been lobotomized. Then his use of logic and the english language might actually make perfect sense.

You can catch the full webcast videos which appeared on Yahoo yesterday here and the entire transcript from the interview can be read here.

Some other witty quotes from the interview:

Q Mr. President, we understand you had a little homework assignment, you watched Steve Martin's "Father of the Bride."

THE PRESIDENT: I did. (Laughter.)

Q Did you pick up any tips there?

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, which is to write the check and be happy.

Q Mr. President, ......I wonder if we could ask a question from one of our users, Steve Bailey, of New York, who says: With oil at $126 a barrel, pushing up the price of everything -- even food -- what can your administration do to help people right now?

THE PRESIDENT: I appreciate Steven's concerns. With the price of gasoline going up, it's like a tax. I wish I could give Steven a quick answer. In other words, it took us a while to get to where we are -- very dependent on oil, and in a world in which demand is greater than oil. So my answer to Steven is that the best thing we can do is to increase supply, and to drill for oil and gas in environmentally friendly ways at home, and build more refineries. Steven probably doesn't know this, but we haven't built a new refinery since 1976, and if we're truly interested in relieving the pressure on our consumers, then we ought to have a very active domestic policy now.

Q Mr. President, for the record, is global warming real?

THE PRESIDENT: Yes, it is real, sure is. But the solutions -- having said that, the solutions have got to be measured and realistic -- you can't have a solution to global warming unless China and India are part of any international pact. It's one of the reasons I didn't accept what's called the Kyoto Protocol, and therefore was labeled as anti-environment. I'm a realistic guy. If the major emitters of greenhouse gases are not a part of a solution, then those who are part of a solution are acting in a way that's simply not going to -- it will affect their own economies, but it won't affect the overall global warming issue.

So, yes, I put forth a very realistic, straightforward program that makes sense.

lil John What?!

This lame interview prompted one reader to respond, "Well, for an interview that was supposed [to] answer "our" questions about what is going on, there was so much fluff, I thought a marshmellow [sic] plant exploded. Baseball, golf, Father of the Bride!!! Come on!!!"

Pretty much sums it up.

Bush attacked by russian circus bear

Sex, Lies and Barbara Walters

After Barbara Walters admits to an affair with former Republican US Senator Edward Brooke
of Massachusetts in her memoir "Audition" and also in an appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show", Ms. Walters' voicemail reveals a number of other lurid secrets.

Re: Wandi Maker Needed !!

Occasionally I like to check out Craigslist to see if anything of value is posted. Sometimes you can find items you want for really cheap, or in some cases free. I like to also see what kind of ridiculous ads people put up, and there are plenty if you've noticed. Take for example this help wanted ad in Rhode Island: Wandi Maker Needed !!

Well, I didn't have any idea what a wandi was until I asked a few people. Apparently, it's a cookie formed into a bowtie, fried in oil, then sprinkled with confectioners' sugar... I didn't know there was demand for professional bowtied fried sugar sprinkled cookie-makers. Only in Rhode Island as they say, little do Rhode Islanders know, the rest of New England is actually making fun of them.

So naturally, being the cantankerous pessimistic lame ass bastard that I am, I decided to post a response.

chef serves shit

Re: Wandi Maker Needed !! (Cranston)
Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-05-01, 1:32PM EDT

To the guys with the BUSY Italian bakery looking for a professional wandi maker.

Are you SERIOUS?! A professional WANDI maker??????

Don't you mean you are looking for a BAKER or a CHEF - I assume that's who make wandis right - not just a professional wandi maker? Because I seriously doubt ANYONE has "professional wandi maker" listed on their resumes.

Also your reference to pay and inquiries: "hourly wage to be determined according to experience. e-mail us to get more information."


Have you actually had anybody respond to this ludicrous ad? Do most people even know what a wandi is? Would a professional "wandi maker" respond? Would they waste their time? What would that be like, hmm let me see.... maybe something like this:

*********************Re: Wandi Maker Needed !!*********************

Hi wandi making Busy Italian Bakery manager,

My name is Goombah McWandi!
I'm a professional wandi maker, I have been happily making wandis for 25+ years. I specialize in wandi making. Wandi making is a skilled culinary art, for which I have a masters degree in wandi crafting from Wandi Tech. In fact you could say I am a wandi ninja. I wandi all day, I wandi all night. I can even wandi in my sleep. Over 1,000,000,000 wandis served!

My work references include a long list of wandi specialty stores, some non-descript Italian restaurants, and a wandi factory. I work for no less than $3.00 per hour.

Please find my resume attached and call me at your convenience. Ciao!


Obi-Wandi Kenobi

So do I get the job?

* Location: Anytown, RI
* Compensation: a pile of wandi
* This is a part-time job.
* This is an internship job
* OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
* Phone calls about this job are ok.
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. In fact don't contact at all.

So naturally, I haven't heard anything. I'm not surprised really, they probably took my response quite hard and have decided to bring in a trained monkey instead.

I also couldn't help but submit my own post to the Best of Craigslist (just to annoy them and other people a bit more, that's how I roll). Feel free to submit it too.
Vote 'Re: Wandi Maker Needed !! for addition to Best of Craigslist

Who Else Wants a Ginormous Spoon?

I was looking around YouTube the other day when I re-discovered an animation I had forgotten about. It's called 'Rejected' by Don Hertzfeldt. Hertzfeldt's films often feature hand-drawn stick figures acting out combinations of slapstick, absurd, and black humor along with heavier existential themes. Animation is an art form that can never be replaced by seemingly well-made but artistically-shallow CG blockbusters.

Get out your bowl of cereal and grab a spoon bigger than your head. This is fun-nuh!

The film is fictional, premiering at the San Diego Comic Convention in 2000 it went on to be nominated for an Academy Award® in 2001. Hertzfeldt has never done any commercial work, after receiving many offers to do television commercials he always wished he could just make a cheap, nonsensical commercial to give to any company intending to hire him, make off with their money, and see if the terrible cartoons would actually make it to air. Only of course his work would be rejected as he hypothetically depicts in the short film.

What also makes Hertzfeldt unique is that since 1999 he photographs all his films on an antique 35mm Richardson animation camera stand, believed to be the same camera that photographed many of the early Peanuts cartoons in the 1960's and 70's. It's reportedly one of the last remaining functioning cameras of its kind left in America (if not the world), and Hertzfeldt finds it to be a crucial element in the creation of his films and their unique visuals. His early films have been credited as being a prominent influence on surrealism, absurdism, and "random humor" in animation since 2000, particularly influencing Adult Swim style animated comedy.

Hertzfeldt is one of few independent filmmakers who could be considered a true auteur. He usually single-handedly writes, directs, produces, animates, photographs, edits, records and mixes sound, and/or composes music for his films, at times requiring years to complete a single short. The animation alone for one of his films may often require tens of thousands of drawings. Hertzfeldt has never held any job other than working on his own animated films, nor has he accepted "real" commercial work and has stated numerous times on his website and in public appearances that he never will, as he feels they are "lies" and does not want to lie to his audience.

Hertzfeldt's films are regularly found in film festivals around the world winning awards, as well as an Oscar® nomination. Hertzfeldt prefers to not sell any of his original or production artwork. Instead, through his production company Bitter Films in the late 90's and early 00's, he annually auctioned pieces off online to raise thousands of dollars for local Santa Barbara charities. Other original artwork has been occasionally given away through the Bitter Films online store through special promotions. Because Hertzfeldt also rarely does signings, his artwork is very rare for animation collectors or casual fans to own.

You can discover more about Don_Hertzfeldt and his work at;

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