Honorificabilitudinitatibus Chompers

Hey! Into body modifications like nipple removal? Well then, if eyeball tattooing wasn't enough how about.. tooth tattoos? That's right. A trip to the dentist can win you a set of chompers straight out of a biker's fantasy... an alcohol, LSD and methamphetamine fantasy possibly, like a Hunter S. Thompson orgy with a sea of half-baked, half-naked jester friends being pinged out of their brains. Copping some hugs, and exchanging "I love you man(s)" and some other hollow well-wishes of loved-up jibberish and general circus-styled freaky shit.

Tooth tattooing slated by The Guardian as 'the next phase of expressive self-harm', the tooth tattoos created by the Heward Dental Lab have attracted global interest since their website, www.toothartist.com, went online earlier this year. Click here for more on Tooth Tattoos.

Does the concept remind anyone else of 'Marathon Man'?
So emm, heck, why not just let the ones you have rot a bit and then get a set of caps with the lastest tramp stamp on them. I think I may have all of mine pulled and have spikes implanted in their place.

gaping mouth

Anyway, enough about me.
I especially liked the 'David Letterman' one.
david letterman tooth
It just screams LULZ! Doesn't it?

A bit of advice: Bad caps? Don't do it.

So head on down to the Heward Dental Lab, get shot up with some novocaine, toss back a few dozen kamikaze shots and let the teeth artistes bang away on your gums with a sledgehammer and chisel, then come back and give us a smile with your new pearly... um, whites?!

Krapsody's own critic, err I mean, kritic - Ernst ze Provocateur, had this to say about the dental delineations;
"Zis idea ands ze artwork submitted iz shit. Perhaps I would have a picture uv myself tattooed upon my teeth but zen again, zat would alzo be shit. You can't cover up ze stink uv shit wiz a can uv Sea Breeze air freshner. No?... Yes."
Ernst ze Provocateur
freedom fries bitches!

p.s. wondering what the hell honorificabilitudinitatibus means? Click here for an explanation. I was going to go with supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, which is defined as "what you say when you don't know what to say"; a nonsense word used in the film Mary Poppins that is used to describe the longest word. But that would have just been absurd...


Gorilla Bananas said...

Yeah the crocodile look, I see it every day. You wouldn't get good wishes from the freaky circus types I knew, but you might get offered the lion tamer's job.

Static said...

Mr. Bananas - Meh, to each their own. I have no issues with body modifications, whether people are into that or not. The fact remains I am a humorist so I must poke fun at something such as the uselessness of men's nipples or teeth for that matter. What good are they? Why after a period of time they turn yellow, maybe even decay and fall out.

Getting bling'd w/diamond and gold teeth caps like Hip Hop stars is so 2000, I figure why not go a step further and just replace the teeth with metal ones, as Jaws did in James Bond movies.

Then I'd look really unique as I'm sure no else has done that yet... except for Jaws. And my next door neighbor. And some dude from the former Soviet Union named Yuri (who's quite hip and ahead of his time there).

Gorilla Bananas said...

You evidently philosophize about these questions in great depth. I shall devote a paragraph to you in a forthcoming post, but I won't mention your ideas. People can follow the link if they are interested.

Static said...

Gorilla Bananas - I have given them some thought, not all that much in depth really, I give the same amount of thought one gives to putting on their shoes or defecating.

I look forward to your upcoming blog post, which I anticipate will be entitled 'He is open to incontinency'...

Unknown said...

Eez eet safe??

No, probably not. :) Can you imagine your poor dentist getting a look at tattooed teeth for the first time?

Static said...

Jenn - If my dentist saw my teeth in that shape he would literally sh*t himself.

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