Hulk Will Suck Movie Review + Air Freshener Gripe

Even though I haven't officially seen it, and although I am also a fan of Edward Norton's acting, the new Incredible Hulk Movie is sure to suck big green Incredible Hulk ass.
Incredible Hulk Ass

Yep, that's my prediction. How many times can they do Hulk movies? If the CG isn't over the top, the story line is always the same. Meek, mild mannered (perhaps even passive-aggressive) Dr. David Banner gets into a sticky situation because of his nosiness and then he gets beat upon, pissed off and turns into the Hulk, a giant green cretin who then goes on a rampage and destroys everything in sight.

Besides, no one can replace the original David Banner / Lou Ferrigno's team effort on The Incredible Hulk TV series from the 70's. Another Hulk movie just reeks. Nothing will cure that stench, not even the freshest potpourri or sprayable air freshener.

Which leads me to my next gripe...
You know those cans of air freshener aerosol or those plug-ins that are labeled as "Sea Breeze", "Rain" or "Spring Garden" scented? Well, when was the last time a waft of ocean air was all that refreshing? 1932 perhaps? I don't know if you live by an ocean, I do, and I have to say nowadays a hefty blast of ocean air smells more like lobster shit, dead fish, pirate booty (not the good kind), bad halitosis, and several ripe armpits. Now if they could can that then I might be a believer. Oh yeah, "Rain" never smells like nothing more than wet concrete for you urban dwelling peeps, and "Rain" will smell like overflowing septic tanks for you country folk. "Spring Garden"? That should smell more like dirt, rotting compost, and weed killer. Mmmmm, FRESH!


And how about those food scented fresheners? Y'know, Cupcake, Cinnamon, Apple Pie... WTF? If I wanted my car or my house to smell like food I'd just sprinkle some cinnamon on the carpet, maybe get some Taco Bell drive-thru and stink up my car with that greasy taco stench. I'm all for natural scents, like "Wet Dog", "Sweat", "Moldy Carpet", or "Water Treatment Plant".

Err, I guess that's not so natural, but it sure beats "Pirate Booty" and the Incredible Hulk's ass, if that's possible.


Soge shirts said...

lol they showed the whole hulk movie in the preview. We know how he changed the bad guy and how he became that odd hulk like counterpart. All that is left is to wonder whether during the final clash do those two fight or hug each other.

Gorilla Bananas said...

The Hulk was a bit predictable, but the suspense came in not knowing what provocation would tip Banner over the edge. Tread on his toe, no hulk. Spill his coffee, no hulk. Be mean to his pet rabbit, huge Hulk.

Anonymous said...

I never seem to comment anything other than, HAHAHA...That's a compliment. I can always count on your posts for a good laugh.

Sully Sullivan said...

Did you know that cinnamon is the scent opposite of rotten dead bodies? Not making this up. If you need to cover up the smell of an old dead body...cinnamon. It's pretty good on toast with butter too.

Anonymous said...

I would have never known there was an incredible hulk ass scented air freshener available thanks for the info!

GetSmartGal said...

lmao, how you got from a bad Hulk movie to the smell of lobster shit to cupcakes & cinnamon is great! Love it!

Anonymous said...

I once had lobster shit in my shoe. Don't ask how it happened.

Static said...

All apologies.
After much delay I am back to respond to your comments!

Sogeshirtsguy - first they fight then they hug, then the movie takes a strange twist and turns into Brokeback Hulk Mountain.

Gorilla Bananas - that's true, different provocations tipped Banner over the edge ofttimes. The weirdest stuff sometimes too. Trip him, no hulk. Glue his car door shut, no hulk. Hide his stuffed animal collection, HUGE F-ing Hulk.

Pentad - I'm glad I can get a laugh. Thanks for the compliment!

Sully Sullivan - I did NOT know that cinnamon is the scent opposite of rotten dead bodies. I also did not know that an old dead body is pretty good on toast with butter...

W - Did you also know there was also these scents; "Skunk", "Swamp Foot", "Pussy", "Musk"? What's up with the musk?!

Bridget - I have a habit of drudging up seemingly unrelated innocuous subjects and turning them into euphemisms and wicked menageries of doom. Just ask around, certain people will say, "oh, that Static. He skipped his medication today. He's nuts!" or "I can never figure out how he kept his shoes on while
teasing us with these lurid stories" or "he shocks us with his frank depiction of two men drinking ipecac and putting a kink in the soap"... knowwaddaimean?

Donkey McNutsacks - you can't just bring up that a lobster shit in your shoe and not tell us HOW it happened. How dare you! =P

Kimberly said...

Um... I don't want to see what is going on in front!
THanks for bringing on the laughs!

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