Top 6 Health Hazards of Public Swimming Pools

Summer is almost here! Oh what fun it is. Beach parties, cookouts, days out at the local swimming pool unless you are one of the lucky ones to have your own backyard pool. But fun in the sun is just not all it's cracked up to be. Here's a quick list of things that you can catch at a public swimming pool or even the private backyard variety that you share with friends and family this summer. So beware, a sunburn could be the least of your worries.

diarrheas#1 - DIARRHEA
If you swallow pool water that is contaminated with traces of human waste, like if some kids butt wasn't totally wiped clean, the hearty bacteria floating around can be resistant to the chlorine in the pool water and be absorbed by your digestive tract giving you the runs. Oh joy! So don't swallow pool water. And if you do you take the risk of getting the hershey squirts. And please don't go swimming if you do.

#2 - RINGWORM Ringworm
Hi! My name is Ringy the Ringworm. If you don't shower and keep yourself clean, I'll surely come and visit you. I may even bring along a few friends, like Jacque Itcherts and Al Thleetsfeet. This fungal infection can create a reddish, ring-shaped rash that is often itchy but sometimes not. You can get it anywhere on your body including your toenails and if that happens they turn thick and yellowish then start to peel. So wear flip-flops in those damp locker rooms. And if you do get it, wrestlers who get it the most often having close contact with each other recommend treating it with Lamisil or Lotrimin, or both, and just for giggles put a lit blow torch over the infected area for safe measure.

#3 - WARTS
Warts are caused by a virus that is pretty common, starting out as small bumps that have a texture like cauliflower on your hands or feet. They can last a few years and might go away on their own, or take control of your entire body and mind. Again, wear your damn flip-flops in public areas that are damp and musty. Restrooms, locker rooms, your aunts kitchen. And for pete's sake don't share towels. If you get a wart you can buy medication to freeze them off or have a doctor do it.

Aww, look at the kids having fun playing in the pool. Don't they look like they're having fun? Well, they aren't afterwards! Swimmer's Ear is not a new swimming stroke or technique like the backstroke. When that pool water gets trapped inside your ear, germs that live in the water can cause an ear infection. Your ear may itch, become red and inflamed and/or drain pus. I was lucky enough to experience this once when I was a kid, only I had an inflamed ear canal, a raging headache, a sinus infection, I was dizzy and nauseous and to make it even more exciting it sounded like everyone who was talking to me was under water. That was fun. A week of this along with daily doses of Swim-Ear drops in my ear was that much more fun, I can't begin to tell you how exciting the experience was. Want to avoid it? Don't swim. Or at least don't put your head under water. And if you do make sure you shake the water out of your ears and dry them thoroughly with a towel. If that doesn't work try a q-tip or zap them for a few seconds with a hair dryer. Or don't and suffer the consequences.

This viral skin infection results in small white or flesh-colored bumps. Showing up anywhere on the body as single dots or in clusters. Usually painless you can get it from sharing towels or pool toys like floats. It could take years for them to disappear on their own so talk to a doctor about having them removed. Unless you want to look like a cucumber or have random people come up to you and connect the dots with sharpie pens.

And finally: #6 - MEN IN SPEEDOS
Well what can I say? Any man in a bikini is just disgusting.

Good gawd, it look like he has a load in his... diaper. As if gratuitous plumber-crack wasn't enough do you think his butt wasn't totally wiped clean? No, don't think about that. It's the beach anyway, we all know that ocean water is polluted. Sorry. Besides that might be me or even you in so many years. So be careful what you make fun of.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Ah, the ugly human fetish for paddling in water. This post will surely encourage people to put on their sun hats and sit in deck chairs. Or maybe go on spiritual journeys like Kwai Chang Caine. Has the word "verruca" gone out of fashion?

Soge shirts said...

hahaha good list. Men in speedos is definitely the worst lmao.

Thinkinfyou said...

The first five things you listed also included ways to get rid of the ailment. The old men in speedos you just left wide open with no little helpful hint to help me with a really horrible mental image you left me with. THANKS!

Anonymous said...

Your blog IS funny dude. What the heck? You make people laugh. And all I do is complain.

Keep it up.


Static said...

Gorilla Bananas - water is good. It's how we wash for instance, instead of licking ourselves. I suppose it's better to put on their sun hats and sit in deck chairs, but they should also enjoy swimming but be cautious of the health hazards. I would much prefer the spiritual journeys of Casteneda or Sidartha, Kwai Chang Caine from the tv series Kung Fu w/the Carradine brothers, I have no respect for 'em young grasshopper. They stole the idea for the show from Bruce Lee and that is not something they or Hollywood should be proud of.
Verruca is just a plain ol' plantar wart. =)

Sogeshirtsguy - Thanks again Soges, how are you? Men in speedos suck.

Thinkinfyou - The only way to get rid yourself of a really horrible mental image of old men in speedos is to scrub your eyes with steel wool and bleach. Then watch a Tickle Me Elmo marathon.

Chris - Thanks for stopping by and for the compliment.

I dare to say that you appear a bit unhappy for a man who makes $100k selling virtual property.

As Confucius say, "man who have no time to smell flowers miss out on life". Tomorrow is a new day, enjoy it, laugh, be free from all material things just for one day.

There's no Secret about The Secret that claims people can change their lives through positive thoughts, which then cause vibrations that result in good things happening to them. That is a fundamental truth and if applied in the way it is truly meant will bring you success in ways you never imagined... possibly sparing you the misfortune of being an old guy on a beach with a load in your speedo perhaps? =P

Peace. ~Stat

Jubie said...

I swear to God I just got out of the apartment pool when I read this......Ew! I never gave a thought to dirty bungholes in the pool prior to acquiring this new info.

Anonymous said...

Old people shouldn't be allowed to go out in their underwear - jesus h christ - who wants to look at that - but I did giggle.

Anonymous said...

I loved all the sexy images. Then you had to post that lard ass in his swimwear. Thank you for making me hurl.

earthlingorgeous said...

Ewwwwww... disgusting... good that I love beach more than pools lol... yuk... but that man in speedos makes me wanna run away lol!

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