Warning - This Post Contains: EGGS

...and bitches.

Oct. 05, 2008

Heyas everyone! Miss me while I was gone? I has beens so busy busy busy.
Y'know I have so many things to do. Like:

  • Taste testing prison food (tastes just like dog food... blech!).
  • Seeing how long I can hold my breath (Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes) Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible. My personal best is 2:00 (exactly).
  • Trying to not think about polar bears (which is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about polar bears anyway).
  • Attempting to swallow my own tongue (there's not much to say about this one. It is possible.)

The list never seems to get shorter, no matter how much I scratch off of it.

Anyway, I was doing some reading the other day, and it appears that Dennis Quaid fired back at his ex-wife Meg Ryan for comments she made to In Style magazine about their marriage.

"It was eight years ago, and I find it unbelievable that Meg continues publicly to rehash and rewrite the story of our relationship," he told The New York Daily News,

dennis quaid get off mah back bitch

"Gawd! Why doesn't she just get over my drunken, crack smokin', whore-mongering phase already? Jeez!"

Meg and Dennis divorced on July 16, 2001. Eight years after their split, Meg Ryan is finally willing to talk about her split from Dennis Quaid. . DRAMA!

“Dennis was not faithful to me for a very long time, and that was very painful,” she says in the new issue of In Style “I found out more about that after I was divorced.”

And as for her scandalous relationship with Russell Crowe?
“I think he took a big hit. But Russell didn’t break up the marriage. He was definitely there at the end, but it wasn’t his fault. I was a mess. I hurt him too at the end. I couldn’t be in another long relationship, it wasn’t the time for that. So I got out … My time as a scarlet woman was really interesting. I was a cum dumpster, a total whore. As painful as it was, it was also incredibly liberating. Now I was utterly free. I didn’t have to care about what people thought. I could be a total whore and what would it matter.”

Meg also talks about being dubbed America’s Sweetheart:
“It’s an old-fashioned idea, so anachronistic. I understood it was a compliment about being lovable, and it felt nice … but it also felt, after a time, like ideas were being projected onto me that had nothing to do with me,” she says. “The girl next door to what? I never felt like a very conventional person. I felt more like the girl next door to the red-light district, a total whore. You guys liked it and so did I. Tee hee!”
(she giggled and scrunched up her nose like she always does in her cute girly movie roles)

It’s always fascinating to me when celebrities talk about their pasts many years later. It's even more fascinating to see how they look after all these years.

meg ryan old woman - worth1000.com photochop

Damn, she ugly. You ain't missin' much Dennis, nope not much at all. She's all used up man. Wow, Meg Ryan used to be so cute too. She was hawt, even.
Guess she can't play all those cutesy young roles forever.
I reckon she'll have to play Sean Connery's grandmother in "Sleepy In Seattle".

Let's see what some other famous celebs had to say about Meg's comments on omg!

vladimir pootin sayz meg has tits like two fried eggs on a nail

jizz dumpster sayz meg got glop shot down her throat

Anyway... Who cares about what happens in the past. It never comes back to haunt you.

Right, O.J.?

Oooh, mah bad.
Speaking of prison food, Mr. Simpson also has seen his share of misfortune lately, guilty on all charges verdict for the robbery-kidnapping trial in Las Vegas came on the 13th anniversary of his famous acquittal in his ex-wife's death. The Juice has been juiced!

oj simpson got j00ced and juiced again lol

Some folks are saying, "This was just payback" or "He was going to be found guilty before the jurors were even picked just because of his acquittal in the Los Angeles murder case" or " O.J. isn't getting a fair shake".

You know, those may be really bad reflections on the Brown/Goldman murder trial, but it's an even worse reflection on the legal system in general. Everyone from the Los Angeles police investigators (wouldn't be the first time), down to the witnesses, down to the lawyers and everyone on the jury couldn't have handled the case any more incompetently than all of them did. And so once again we had O.J. on trial, the overwhelming evidence showing he did commit this particular crime, who's now facing a possible Life Sentence. Mr. Simpson may be getting a harsher punishment because of the popular belief that he likely committed those murders so many years ago and has gotten away with it. That's a bad bad thing if it's true.

I wasn't there to witness whether he murdered his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman in 1995 or not, but maybe O.J. knows. And if he did do it, and got away with it, he won't get away with anything once he meets his maker (the Pillsbury Dough Boy)

pillsbury rollin' boy

Also, just say he did commit those murders , he has to live with himself every single day of every single year of what's left of his life! He has to look at himself everyday in the mirror, has to look at his children, the people who loved those he was accused of murdering. That must be like hell on earth!

oj simpson mad/oj sayz no lulz srsly/what you lol-ing at bitch

I wouldn't want to be in his shoes for anything (partly because they don't fit, he's a size 13 and I'm a 10 1/2, and partly because he has athlete's foot)!

I actually pray that if he is guilty of those murders, that O.J. asks The Pillsbury Dough Boy's forgiveness for those crimes, and that he means it. It says in the Holy Book of Pillsbury that praying for others and for forgiveness, doesn't mean you have to hang out with that person.

pillsbury rules bitch

O.J. is in trouble with himself more than he is with the law....maybe he committed this latest crime because he was maddened beyond endurance by hundreds of nonsensical political speeches. He's in a pathetic frame of mind, with nowhere to go, because when he gets to his destination, he's still there. So he still has to live with himself... and Bubba, his homosexual rapist cellmate.

And now a song for O.J.
Credit: 'Prison Bitch' by Bob and Tom


Gorilla Bananas said...

What, no pictures of Meg Ryan nekkid? Do you expect us to take to take your word for everything? And OJ's maker is The Cyberdyne Systems Corporation, whose leading stockholder is the Pilsbury Dough Boy. Common mistake.

Ms Scarlet said...

Meg gave popular UK interviewer Micheal Parkinson a very hard time on his chat show, which was a shame. Maybe he didn't want to talk about Dennis?

Nunyaa said...

Oj neeeds to get some soap on a rope...Dennis Quaid is yukky anyways Meg should be glad he is gone lol

Anonymous said...

ha ha OJ was framed and so was Dennis they owe the pillsbury dough boy big time!!

Angry_Clown said...

Only in America and some parts of Germany. tata

Anonymous said...

Ew i can only imagine oj getting butt raped by bubba.

Kelly said...

Damn, that was funny. I laughed through all of it.

That Meg Ryan used to be cute. Ive never seen her tits before but since you mentioned eggs, I'm suddenly hungry for breakfast items. Namely the ones you seem to have hit on throughout this post. Like JUICE and PILLSBURY CINNABUNS.

That O.J.song was beee-utiful.

Check out Jodie Foster's movie "Nell" if ya wanna see some of the damndest crookedest nipples you've ever seen in your decadent life. They frightened me.

Static said...

@Gorilla Bananas - Yes, you must take my word for it. I'll not be posting nekkid pics of Meg Ryan, evar. That would just be profane and disgusting. If it were Kim Kardashian however...

Cyberdyne apparently also made Barack Obama, John McCain ... and the Keebler Elves. We're all doomed.

@scarlet-blue - I suppose if that is all Meg really wants to talk about, she should go on the Dr. Phil show. That way, she can get FREE counseling, as well as entertain the gossips.

@Don - You did Meg Ryan??? That's disgusting... So, how was it?

@Nunyaa - OJ and Dennis go a long way back. They plan to use Meg as a wager over a bet on who drops the soap in the prison showers first.

@gboo - teh pilsbury doh boi pwn3d j00!

@wookie - That was pretty funny. I'm still wondering if they are sunny side up, or over easy.

@Damian - Only on a leap year in Australia, with wombats and kangaroos comin' out their asses.

@Anon - You would imagine that. Pre-vert.

@Kelly - Thanks dude. You think it was over the top though?.. nah!

Juice, eggs and cinnabuns are an important part of your diet. Especially eggs, which are required to make cinnabuns, and well... fried eggs.

Eggs are also pretty handy for throwing at whiney, self-righteous celebrities.

I've seen "Nell" before. Although, I don't remember Ms. Foster's nipples in the movie. I must have blocked that part out, if what you say is true.

Anonymous said...

lol this is really hilarious

Static said...

["Pensacola Beach Vacation said...

lol this is really hilarious"]

Are you spamming? If so, shut up.

If not, well then, THANKS!


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