Kim Jong Missing?

Fri Nov. 21, 2008

PYONGYANGSWEETPOONTANG, North Korea (Krapsody) -- North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il has been suffering from serious health problems, and may have had a stroke, perhaps he has just lost what's left of his mind, U.S. lack-of-intelligence officials told Krapsody Tuesday -- the same day Kim missed a parade celebrating the 60th anniversary of the Communist nation.

But other sources say that Kim Jong Il made the remark that he's reportedly fed up with being in the public eye, and wants to be even more elusive and mysterious like Batman, Howard Hughes, or his personal hero, Pee Wee Herman. He already has the eccentric and rich parts down pat.

A recently released photograph of Jong-Il was supposed to prove that he's alive and well. Instead, it's raising even more suspicions about his health because the photo appears to have been doctored.



While the legs of his soldiers cast a shadow at a sharp angle, the shadow of the “Dear Leader” is dead straight. In addition, there's a black line running horizontally behind the soldiers’ legs, but it mysteriously disappears behind Mr. Elusive and Mysterious.

A closer look reveals a possible culprit.


Yes, his farts are that strong, really. His farts are the main causes of disrupting radio transmissions and satellite images of his country. They've even been known to cause solar flares. Scientists aren't even sure just how much his flatulence may have affected the entire universe.

But enough of that, we could go on and on in speculation about his lack of recent public appearances until the mind spins. Let's just see what the reclusive shmo has really been up to.

Krapsody purchased these rare and unseen photos of Kim and his whereabouts since his "disappearance." These candid moments are a typical Saturday evening for Kim.

A little fun with Where's Waldo Jong Il

Eww. Hanging at home in his underwear - drinking, belching, and farting. 

Trying out his new poker face. 

That's it. Pretty much the same old stuff I see. Of course I imagine he's also been doing plenty of posing in platform shoes in front of those wonderful backdrops he's so famous for..just to kill time. It must be difficult to be such a mad genius with no goals, direction, or purpose. Kim must feel pretty isolated right about now.

Kim if you are out there reading this; cheer up, the world is your oyster, you need to get out more. I've got a fantastic idea. You have a horrible singing voice and you have those creepy sunglasses. You should be a Yoko Ono impersonator.

Now doesn't that make you feel better?


Gorilla Bananas said...

Yoko is keen on vaginal exposure which she thinks is art. Do you think Kim could disguise is anus as a vagina? It might work if he stuck a party blowout horn in it.

Angry_Clown said...

I wish he would hurry up and die so I can move in and take over! Hail Damo the 3rd (rhymes with Blamo baa turd)

Sully Sullivan said...

That's hilarious. How does a ruthless dictator not have at least one guy in his camp that can decently photoshop an image? What a joke.

Static said...

@Mr. Bananas - I don't think anyone else is keen on her "art", "music", and other krap Yoko is involved in. I use parentheses to point out that her submissions are merely considered as such, only by Yoko. The few "fans" she has are just kiss ass wanna-bes who hope they can get a piece of that "pie".

@Damian - You mean there have been two successors in your lineage? That's disturbing. Possibly more than that image of Jong Il in his underwear. All hail Blamo baa turd.

@Sully - "North Korea" has not "mastered" the "art" of "photochopping" yet. There go those parentheses again...

@Officer One Time - I imagine he's hiding in a cave, getting his fuck on with Osama Bin Laden. The only place he's likely to retire to is some old folks home, I mean, some shack in the middle of nowhere. His days are numbered, as any dictators are. Citizens will only stand for so much.

Why, look at the longevity of Hitler, Stalin, George W., or Pee Wee Herman. Short lived careers indeed. And thank gawd for that.

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