Krapsody's Nottie of the Week™ #3 and #4

Once upon a time, some freak consumed blue cotton candy, marshmallows, and crack. Then shit out the Smurfs. My greatest achievement? I created Krapspot Personals.

Here's installments 3 and 4 of the Nottie of the Week™ series. I've just been absolutely swamped, so I wasn't able to post #3 up last week. So here are the submissions. Beware they may tickle YOUR fancy. You know where to respond... right here! And you have our sympathies should you be so inclined.

Some of you may remember Kearney from the animated tv show, "The Simpsons". Well, he's real, he's grown up as much as he could 'til now, and he's still a loser. His long list of repulsive turn-ons include: bullying children, hairy chests, elderly women's underpants, Comic Book Guy, and hunchbacks named Sven.

Kearney, seriously. The gay Teutonic thrash metal scene is dead. Even Udo Dirkschneider thinks you suck, pig-boy. Do humankind a favor: go juggle pin-less grenades while riding a wild boar through a minefield, you Grandma-chasing bloomer fetishist. Now that's a killer song, or a kick ass Simpson's episode!

And whom do we have here, or I should say, what on God's Green EARTH do we have here?


All I can say is... sheesh! Christ jesus, is it Halloween again, already? That's one hella ugly beast. I don't think I've seen anyone that fugly in a long, long time. And it won't be too soon, should it happen again. Damn your eyes.

Iona, pay attention and listen up. You are possibly the ugliest person in the world, but until someone uglier comes along, you'll do just fine. This personal ad makes people want to choke on their own vomit. You are scaring people away, they fear they'll be trampled to death by a herd of your bargain-hunting friends at a summer sale. Please, go where no-one has ever been before - and stay there.

I had a funny feeling that when I set up a place for personal ad submissions, that the quality of people would be absolute krap. Little wonder with all the freaks out there in internet land. Perhaps those two would make a great couple. I just hope they don't procreate, because unchecked reproduction will be the end of all things.

Gee, you know I can't wait to see what kind of profiles are awaiting me in my inbox for next weeks reviewing. I'm sure it will be more grief, wailing and gnashing of teeth. But then I might not have anything to write about, and you might not have anything to read... until next time.

What do you think - would you date either of the persons above? Leave me your comments at the link below.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Her titties look full of milk though. I bet you wouldn't say no if you were dying of thirst.

One Time said...

She kinda looks like Paula Abdul, in a strange kind of way.

Donnie said...

I'd fuck her, but I'd have to be dead first and then I would make it a quickie.

Pearl said...

On the one hand, I'll bet they'd both be grateful...

On the other hand, well, is the fistful of pills you'd need...


Anonymous said...

Oh My God...what is that thing?

Ms Scarlet said...

He has too much skin. And probably eats too much yoghurt.

Anonymous said...

Can you remove my link from your sidebar please? That domain got bought out by some spammer who's using my domain to display nothing but advertising. I've created a new website now and you can link to that if you want. Other than that, I hope all is well.

Static said...

@Gorilla Bananas - I would rather eat sand and choke to death. You might find her attractive enough, after all, she appears to be a female gorilla.

@One Time - Too funny, I was sort of thinking that myself. It's like a before "American Idol" and "I had major plastic surgery" candid shot...weird man. But we know it's not Paula, Paula at least is cute. That woman is a retarded version of Paula Abdul.

@Don - That's doubly disgustipating. She is probably into some sort of anal necrophilia, as that is probably the closest she'll ever be to getting laid. Unless Mr. Bananas gets to her first.

@Pearl - Thanks for visiting! I think those two would make a great couple... in a mental institution.


Static said...

@Jeunelle - We're not entirely sure. But so far we've established the following:
a.) A retarded version of Paula Abdul, with palsy, and a severe case of elephantitis of the tits
b.) A female gorilla
c.) Ernest Borgnine's daughter
d.) All of the above

@scarlet-blue - Too much skin? So what do you propose, having a tummy tuck, or a skin removal procedure? How about he just wears a shirt? Kearney eats too much yogurt alright. Testicle yogurt.

@Qelqoth - I would like to remove your link from my sidebar. However, who provide that service, have had some problem implementing some new coding, and have been down for over a month now.

I can't access the account to delete or add any new links until they get it sorted. What I can do, if it isn't taken care of soon, is just use a new service. But I will need time to set all of that up from scratch again.

I'm doing alright. Have a lot of things going on. I hope all is well with you, and will be in touch soon.

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