Pantless Trouble in Utah

Mon Oct. 27, 2008

Salt Lake City, Utah (Krapsody) - A woman was escorted from a TRAX train Monday morning after fellow riders reported that she was not wearing any pants. Yes, not wearing any pants.

Around 7:30 a.m., Utah Transit Authority officers bum rushed the woman and escorted her off the train. They proceeded with interrogating her inside a musty janitor closet on a small, uncomfortable wooden chair under a bright lamp at the 5400 South station in Midellanowhere, Utah.

After the officers argued over who was going to play out "good cop, bad cop" and finally "sauntering cop, shimmying cop" roles with the "nekkid" woman, they suddenly realized she was in fact wearing a miniskirt. Her coat was covering the skirt, leading fellow riders to stare at, and their evil gossiping wives to believe she was not wearing anything beneath her waist, said UTA spokesman Harry Ballsack-Slapper (who is a Mormon and has thirteen wives).

After the retarded Nazis interviewed the woman and realized their error, they let her get back on the train and continue her ride, with some psychological scarring and a little less dignity than when she started her trip perhaps.

The moral of the story is to make sure that your fellow passengers don't decide that you aren't wearing pants, even though you are. So maybe you shouldn't wear any just in case you get pulled from a train in Utah. Just be sure to wear a coat that covers that miniskirt you're wearing, because if you were really naked that would be wrong... and disturbing.

Since hardly anything newsworthy happens in Utah other than the usual polygamist prosecution cases, people getting thrown from trains and re-enactments of the Mountain Meadows Massacre of Sept. 11th, 1857, here is an unrelated story; On Thursday, a fire gutted the Salt Lake City, Utah library causing $6.95 worth of damage . . . It could have been worse but someone had the coloring book checked out.

Story taken from The Salt Lake Tribune article, 10/27/08


Anonymous said...

Omgz! did u hav 2 tell every1? I hate you! Ttyn!

Ms Scarlet said...

I find that wearing a badge that says 'I'm wearing pants', is very helpful...

One Time said...

Those retarded nazis should come work for my city. They'd see more naked, staph-infected crazies than they'd know what do with.

Static said...

@pantless girl - My dear, how many times do I have to tell you. When you don't wear pants, everyone gets to hear about it.

@Don - I take it you drink alot before your morning commute, hence the puddle of puke when subjected to witnessing yellow, stubbled, pimple-ridden, virgin Mormon ass? Hanging is illegal in Utah, unless it's auto-erotic asphyxiation.

@scarlet-blue - I usually walk around in a t-shirt and nothing else. The t-shirt says, "will work for pants."

@One time - Hello and welcome Officer One Time. I think those nazitards would positively freak out in your city. They'd have a nervous breakdown and end up in a looney bin... and that would be just because they'd have to stand in line at McDonald's.

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