Higher Than a Giraffe's Ass

"The search for wisdom is a great challenge; to act on wisdom is an even greater challenge."
- Jagadguru Siddhaswarupananda Paramahamsa

What does the term "higher than a giraffe's ass" mean? It 's when someone is really high (on life... or drugs.)

giraffe ass

Or in some cases it's when someone is no better than a bucket of mucous and needs to get off their high horse.

Case and point, I was browsing through some of my BlogCatalog friends and came across Ventibate.com, a pretty cool blog that visitors can post and comment on anything they want anonymously. It's such a great idea I wish I had thought of it.

Until you come across the sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity of other netizens.

Exhibit A: some idiot posted a rant about his dog and titled the post "To my dumb dog"...go ahead click on the Ventibate.com link above and read it. I'll wait.

So what's your impression, did this guy just step off the Mayflower, or is his head so far up his own ass that he has to fart in order to sneeze? One thing I know for sure, he's certainly higher than a giraffe's ass.

Nothing pisses me off more than someone who doesn't give a damn about animals (especially their pets), and they don't take the time required to shape them into the companions we desire them to be.

I know of way too many of these people. They just wake up one day and decide to get a pet. Whether it's a stray or they get a dog or cat from someone they know. And then they don't train them, they don't care for them, they don't clean up after them, and last but not least and MOST IMPORTANTLY they don't fix them!

Jesus people, caring for a pet is so simple a simpleton's load of shit could figure it out. Seriously. Take your time. Be patient. Learn how to train and care for an animal. They don't process information like we're supposed to. But I guess some of us are still lower than most animals (including plankton) in the brains department and couldn't find their way out of a paper bag if they had a map and directions.

Maybe teaching imbeciles with hand signals would do the trick, but that might even be a stretch for a large portion of these morons. Some people apparently have to be taken by the hand every step of the way.

At least local animal rescues fix and treat dogs and cats before letting people adopt them, but thankfully most of those shelters do not give animals to these kind of jerks that end up doing everything wrong when they get a pet. It's probably written all over their faces as soon as they walk in the door, the inbred mouth-breathers.

And it's a good thing responsible shelters don't give animals away to every nut that walks in thinking they can handle the responsibility. Because giving a dog or cat to a complete fuckwit is cruelty to animals on a most basic level.

So um, in case they take down the link, here's the slimebag's post quoted in full:

To my dumb dog

You always been a dumbass, but we've dealt with it. You've never fetched a ball or cared whether or not we were around unless it was time to eat. You piss and shit in the house. Tear up our clothes and furniture and have always acted like the dumpster diving stray we supposedly rescued you from.

For 12 years we've put up with your shit and cleaned up after you and what do you do?

Run away during the biggest snow storm of the year.

I know there were days when you were up to street life, but you've grown old and soft. I doubt you will survive the night considering the temp is supposed to drop into the low single digits. I hope you at least find a warm place to sleep.

Kiss my ass dog!

Nice huh? I have a few remarks for this confounded babbling dolt, but was unable to post them on Ventibate for some reason. So I'll just submit them here.

To the total idiot who posted "To my dumb dog", I'm curious, did you think that training and caring for a "dumpster diving stray" was going to be easy? When was the last time a dog trained itself into behaving the way you want it to simply because you gave it food and shelter? You just expected the dog to act the way you think it should, what kind of logic or reasoning is that exactly?

You deserved it every time that dog shit in your shoes, you mattress soiling enema-addicted plague of sighing and grief.

Did you ever stop to consider that the dog needed more patience and understanding from you (a human being who should be quite capable of applying logic and reasoning provided they have a fucking brain and some sense of good conscience.) Perhaps a professional trainer would have saved you time and money, instead of "buying a new couch every few months" as you so aptly put in one of your responses to a comment on your abominable article. But you were too stupid to even think of that.

It's monumental assholes like you that are responsible for there being so many children that are out of control. Hopefully you don't have any of those, because it's apparent you can't even "train" a dog. Your children with all probability would grow up to be even bigger lazier excuse-making assholes than most parents could ever manage to raise. You should just sodomize yourself with an electric cattle prod, with the voltage set to "Kill."

Giving up hope and not taking the god-damned time to structure the dog's environment only contributed to the behavior you perpetuated by being a self-centered ass. The dog isn't stupid. You are. I'm sure the dog is better off without you and can take care of itself just fine without your "help".

How did you help - or rather how did you contribute to the problem? Not doing what is required of you to manage the dogs behavior is your fault. That kind of laziness is reserved for slugs. But it would be an insult to slugs to refer to you as one.

Having a pet is a full commitment, and freely giving of your time and energy is a requirement if you're going to own one, you apathetic, arrogant, whiny bitch. Kiss MY ass, you waste of skin.

Get a god-damned clue and go get lost in the frozen tundra. Even though you should know better - and all you do at this point is take up space and breathe air - I'll still be sure to toss my trash on you to keep you warm with hopes that you will survive to contribute something worthwhile to the world in the future. But I have my doubts.



Anonymous said...

Wow..wonderful words.

Static said...

@humorplus - ["Wow..wonderful words."]

Wow..could you possibly be any more vague?

Or perhaps you're simply spamming my site with your intellectually bankrupt humor blog. That's it, innit? Pity the fool.

I shall return the "favor" in the vain attempt your krap blog will drive one visitor here, but at least you'll finally have one visitor and commenter to yours after said favor, so I guess your spamming wasn't a complete waste of time. =)

K thx bye!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Didn't Clint Eastwood have a dog called 'Meathead' in one of his films? His contempt was tempered by affection.

Static said...

@Mr. Bananas - At least Clint has an endearing quality, he's always tried to be a Mr. Tough Guy, but Clint is pretty cool in my book.

"Meathead" isn't the greatest name, unless it's a guard dog then the effect is obviously to instill fear in anyone considering trying to get past a dog named that..unless it's a chihuahua..then that's just silly.

There are worse names to give a dog I suppose, like "Dumbass."

Donnie said...

Oh, I almost forgot. Teh suh wondurbul word!

Static said...

@Don - No kidding. He's known as Big Head 'Tard within the small circle of mental patients he co-habitates with in a group home.

The guys head is too big to fit through doorways. His state paid caregivers have to grease it up everyday. Then his roomies try to play Slip 'n Slide on his forehead.

And I'm curious...which word(s) did ya like best?


Anonymous said...

That's a new one! (words to live by)

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