Want To Steal/Rape/Kill Again? Here's How To Gets Freaky Now! Limited Time Offer.

craigslist american psycho

"I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?"

- Patrick Bateman
American Psycho

Craigslist is running rampant with freaks! If you didn't realize this by now, then you have not been paying attention.
Craigslist has seen quite a bit of trouble lately. The popular website has allowed people to make money online in a variety of ways. Either by selling used items or offering services. It's also been a place where people prank, hoax, scam, steal, and murder others at.

There's no doubt that Craigslist has even been a great place for people to be able to work from home, especially if you're a twenty-something year old hooker (or a pool boy) trying to pay his or her way through school and then some. But for psychos, the giant internet site is just another way to find victims.

Craigslist doesn't reject anybody. Even if you're really, really creepy. But in Craigslist's defense, it’s hard to be a pimp in 570 cities. It's equally as hard to police users.

Take Boston resident, Philip Markoff, the "Craigslist killer" who seemed to have a good life: The handsome, clean-cut, 23-year-old medical student was planning a lavish beachfront wedding this summer to a beautiful woman.

But it wasn't enough, authorities say his computer and surveillance video paint a picture of a suspected serial criminal who targeted women offering erotic services through Craigslist.

Possibly seeking money to pay gambling debts, Markoff is accused in the death of Julissa Brisman, 26, of New York City, who was found dead April 14 in a Boston hotel after being bashed in the head and shot three times.

Brisman, was an aspiring model and actress who had advertised erotic massage on Craigslist. Authorities said she and Markoff communicated through e-mail and cell phone to set up a meeting.

Markoff was eventually arrested in Walpole, less than 20 miles southwest of Boston, as he drove with his fiancee to Foxwoods Resort Casino in Connecticut.

Authorities say he was the man seen on surveillance video near where Brisman was found and is also suspected in the attempted robbery in Warwick, R.I., of a stripper who had posted an ad on Craigslist. She was held at gunpoint before her husband (the pimp) entered the room and her attacker fled.

Police say they found panties,a semiautomatic weapon, duct tape and restraints — what prosecutors called "critical, powerful" evidence — in the upscale apartment he shared with his fiancee in Quincy, about 10 miles south of Boston. She thought all that "equipment" was for his studies, and continued to support his innocence.

duct tape!
Patrick Bateman: Duct tape. I need it for... taping something.

But that's not all you'll find on Craigslist. They got robberies too.

An ex-convict dubbed the "Craigslist robber" was arrested in Oakland after he failed to show up for his arraignment more than a week ago, according to the Oakland Police Department.

Damien Bell, 34, is suspected of using an Internet ad to lure potential car buyers to isolated locations and robbing them at gun point.

And the stories go on and on and on.

I think Craigslist's decision regarding their "adult" ads is endlessly entertaining. In case you've been paying attention to actual news and somehow missed it, here's what has developed so far.

First, Craigslist caved in to the outcry over the alleged "Craigslist killer" and offered to make nominal changes to its racier listings, swapping "adult" for "escort" in the title and promising to do a better job of keeping out the $2 whores.

Considering that responding to any ad on Craigslist, not just "adult" ads, can be a potential safety hazard, censorship is a bit futile if you ask me..because people are going to find ways to do whatever they want anyway.

Responding to the critical emergency, with the usual "too little-too late" action, state Attorney Generals went ballistic. Just when you thought it couldn't get any nuttier, South Carolina Attorney General Henry McMaster sent a letter to Jim Buckmaster, CEO of Craigslist, saying the Web site has not installed sufficient safeguards to keep the site from being used as a "vehicle to advertise or solicit prostitution." And how long has that been going on?

McMaster added that he's concerned about the easy accessibility of "graphic pornographic pictures" on the site.

Then following that, Craigslist executives met with the attorneys general from Missouri, Connecticut and Illinois to discuss the questionable ads.

Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal called on the site to "banish virtual streetwalkers and pornography". This means that would include more than half of all politicians, and Wall Street executives. So pack it up sluts, clear out your desks, and don't let the door(s) hit you in the asses (or your manginas) on the way out.

New York Atty Gen Andrew Cuomo also jumped on board. State prosecutors just arrested seven people in Queens, accusing them of using Craigslist to advertise prostitution services and falsifying their records "to make payments for sex appear to be for clowns and balloons," according to the New York Times.

Hey kids, guess who's coming to your birthday party this year:
Carmella and Sugar are going to tie balloon animals with their tongues! YAY!!!!

balloon animal sexhuman animal clown sex

Frankly, hookers don't bother me so much. Everyone has to make a living somehow. And perverts have to get off somehow. But clowns? They freakin' creep me out, man. So Cuomo's crackdown on faux Bozos is a great idea.

Apparently, Craigslist is doggedly clinging to its Erotic Services category, declaring it's a free speech issue. And I stand behind that 99.9%, sorry, but it can't be 100%.

I just don't give a crap enough to care what people are saying the rest of the time. However, I support free sex 100%. But, I don't think we'll be seeing much of that any time soon.

Now I know murderers on Craigslist are about as funny as cancer. But given the caliber of people that post personal ads, such as "Erotic Services", and the festering bags of dung that respond to those ads, you just can't help but make fun of this shit.

And if you don't find it funny, then you must still be reading this for some tips. If you can follow simple directions, here's how to get freaky in your spare time - And Have Fun Doing It!

  1. Go to your computer, power it up. (This is the number one way to get freaky) 
  2. Take photos of yourself half naked. Better yet just nick them off the internet, there's idiots aplenty who put up those kinds of pictures that eventually end up on Google. 
  3. Open up Craigslist (for example) in your web browser. (**for moar examples continue reading) 
  4. Post those photos in an article entitled like, "Vegetable Fun", "Wanna play Doctor?", "Trying This Again", "W4M Spank Me", or "Serious hung TOP 4 BOTTOM". (be creative, but not too creative, you don't want to sound like a genius or a maniacal serial killer trying to lure your victims, you want to appear DESPERATE)
  5. All you need is a disposable email address, and you should be attracting potential suitors in no time..(by potential suitors I mean psycho-perverts, mentally deranged stalkers and/or serial killers.)

You laugh when I say I gets freaky -- but when Craigslist ends Erotic Services ads forever (no thanks to Phillip Markoff) you'll be begging me for my secret! This is the only way left for regular guys and gals like you and me to gets freaky.

**So send me $29.95 at the PayPal link in the right-hand column of this blog for other sites to post your Erotic Services ad to, without restriction. And Let's Get Freaky!

Of course, some small minority of whiners always have to throw a monkey wrench into the works. The banning of the Erotic Services section has people up in arms like poolboyinla. Pool d00d stated the following on a Craigslist commercial spoof video on YouTube:

Obviously, poolboyinla has just lost his second (maybe primary) source of income. Please save the Erotic Services section, for pool boys everywhere.

arnold is quite the ladies man
And, just who do you think you are poolboyinla?
Why, Arnold Schwarzenegger of course.

As for me, I'm posting my own ad on Craigslist.
I'm going to see how many stalkers I can round up. While I'm at it, I'm also going to see how many hookers/pool boys I can round up too.

I'm not really looking for casual encounters, or encounters of any kind at all. Not even a close encounter with an alien. But send me your phone numbers and planetary locations anyway, they fetch a lot on eBay.

freddie whips you good bitch In the meantime, I'll be whipping the pool boy like Freddie Mercury in the grips of some psychotic scowling "bad boy" masturbatory fantasy. How do you like me now California? Take that Proposition 8!

Notice: the Internet Safety Council wants you to be safe while using the web. Listen to their PSA below, or click here if you have Flash disabled on your computer.

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Gorilla Bananas said...

Have you noticed how few wacko blog stalkers there are? My blog gets a fair amount of traffic, but I've only had one e-mail from a certified nutjob, who wanted to be squeezed by a female gorilla. (There was another guy who made a comment to that effect, but he was obviously joking).

And yet some female bloggers get in a tizzy just because their site stats show the same ISP number from El Paso visiting them twice a day. So what? What's the problem with having a regular visitor from El Paso who never comments? Can he squeeze your titties from El Paso?

Anonymous said...

Would anyone like to meet up with me? I'm a forty year old guy called Virgil. I live with my mother. I like Hannah Montana and my favourite food is cake. I like to have slumber parties with my teddies. Then I tie them up and slit all their throats, the FILTHY BASTARDS. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SUCH SLUTS I NEED TO CLEANSE THEM THE HOLY SPIRIT TOLD ME SO

Cool Papa said...

I am falling behind the times, I have never bought a hooker or a pool boy on Craigslist.

Still grabbing them off the turnpike, got to get with today's technology in a hurry!

Skrib (aka MEaster Bunny) said...

I wish i had a stalker. :(

Gboo said...

You can find hookers on craigslist?!!

Static said...

@ Mr. Bananas - I both agree and disagree. There are fewer blog stalkers than there are Craigslist stalkers.

However, given the ratio between psychos and normal people on the net at One Mil:0ne (most of them are in El Paso - who imagine squeezing titties all day, some actually do - since they are dairy farmers).

And since there are more unsuspecting, and naive victims to acquire on the internet.

That leaves a high probability for attention-seeking psychos who e-stalk bloggers simply for fun since they have nothing better to do, like stalk persons in their own neighborhoods, peep on the neighbors, or rape and beat up their wives.

Static said...

@ bigmentaldisease - Your screen name says it all. Have you ever seen a psychiatrist, taken medication, or responded to/posted ads on Craigslist? You may want to start before it's too late.

Static said...

@ threio - As I stated before to Mr. Bananas, there are plenty of unwitting idiots waiting for you to pick them up online.

Static said...

@ Skrib - Remain patient and hopeful. One day, you too will be just as lucky as the rest of us.

Static said...

@ Gboo - No. They just refer to themselves as "masseuse" or "massage therapist". This is just a clever way for them to avoid the stigma of being viewed as filthy dirty whores.

Skrib (aka MEaster Bunny) said...

Well if only I could be so lucky.

Static said...

@ Skrib - You are. Just post another "I'm Desperate for a Stalker" Craigslist ad, and you'll have an entire group of stalkers to choose from!

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