When Pigs Fly

pigs in zen
I am sick of hearing about the swine flu epidemic!
Krapsody just did the math, and we are...eh..I am not so good (in fact you could say HORRIBLE) at math - but according to "our" calculations: .000003% of the planet's population is infected. I think it's okay to be cautious, but I also think we should be realistic about the threat.

All the ridiculous paranoia and internet buzz over it now.

Drivel that includes:

"How do you think the Swine Flu will affect the USA? I'm guessing not too bad... vote now!"

"It was once said that a black man would be president "when pigs fly" indeed 100 days into Obama's presidency SWINE FLU!"

"How does one steer clear of swine flu? ...GO VEGAN!!!"

"Wash your hands!"

"Avoid people who have the sniffles!"

"Avoid anyone coughing!"

"Cough into your elbow!"

"Avoid people and public places!"

"Don't eat any pork products!"

"Is ham made from pigs?!"

Blah blah blah fercrissakes what a mob of bumbling idiots! Blaming Mexico and pigs. As far as washing hands and coughing or sneezing into your elbow, that's just common sense. Do we really have to be reminded of this? But washing your hands alone isn't going to be enough if the virus spreads via airborne transmission.

It seems to me that if it was as infectious as the CDC, the US Department of Health and the WHO are making it out to be..
the Who say you is infected fool
..then more people have probably been exposed than they are counting on...which I believe more people would have it by now. Since I have every disease known to man..that makes me an expert on infectious diseases.

141 people in the U.S. get swine flu and everyone is wearing masks--millions of people get AIDS and no one wants to wear condoms? What the devil is that all about?

I've read about the media creating mass hysteria, recently even, in my psychology class. I could understand how Orson Wells and the War of the World's radio broadcast in 1938 sent people jumping out of windows in a fit of hysterics. People were paranoid, more impressionable and had access to less information than we do in our era.

Speaking of stupidity and ignorance in the information age, I have to wonder why Russia decided to ban imports of beef and possibly chicken because of swine flu. Does this seem like logical reasoning?

And what about people who have allergies? If they sneeze or cough, are they going to be dragged off to a quarantine camp somewhere for fear they have the dreaded sow sickness?

I get the fact that this could be considered a health threat. For gosh sakes nearly...16 people in Mexico died from it..but Mexico doesn't have the greatest health care system in the world either. Children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are most at risk. So be sure to pack them all into a biohazard suit until the coast is clear.

Do you know how to tell if you have swine flu? Your tail curls. No seriously, click that link for some advice from a doctor about the poop on swine flu, quit letting others tell you what it is or how it spreads and find out for yourself. edit: so do you have swine flu?

I think ignorance and believing things that just aren't true are the real epidemic. Frankly, poor grammar is a worse epidemic than swine flu in my opinion.

Swine flu's got nothing on good ol' bubonic plague...I'm just sayin'. I think we'll have a vaccine strong enough to combat the swine flu before any epidemic rivals that of the Black Death.

The name the WHO gave it even sucks. Swine Flu. Why not: Hog Virus or Piggy Syndrome? But noooooooooo! They wouldn't listen to me!

Their media circus has led other nations like Egypt to slaughter thousands of pigs, hoping to stop the spread of the disease. In the wake of the "swine flu" hysteria the WHO have created, they've now decided to RENAME the bug.

WHO spokesman Dick Thompson acknowledged that the term "swine flu" was misleading consumers and needlessly causing countries to ban pork products and order the slaughter of pigs, over concerns the agriculture industry and U.N. food agency had expressed.

"Rather than calling this swine flu ... we're going to stick with the technical scientific name H1N1 influenza A," Thompson said.

It's now called, H1N1 Influenza A? Gee, that's a much better name alright...

when swine flu flies

The virus isn't a new one either, as far back as the 70's they discovered the virus in four different forms originating in pigs, but probably mutated at some point and spread with human-to-human contact.

Keep in mind that this virus is infectious up to 48 hours before symptoms appear, so your "well appearing" contacts may actually be infectious. Holding your breath in confined spaces is highly recommended. IF you start turning blue, just continue holding your breath..either way you're screwed pal.

And also keep avoiding pork products. Be sure to wash your hands every five seconds, people will think you are OCD and have you sent off to a rubber room.

Especially since the AP reports a little over an hour ago that the "swine flu" may be less potent than first feared. Feel confused, or stupid now?

It's ironic that people freak out if someone leaves their dog in the car while they buy a quart of milk. But it's ok to lock 5,000 pigs in a confinement center to wallow in their own shit festering with diseases, so close together all they can do is sniff the ass of the pig in front of them.

That's the true face of "the other white meat". What a load of pig shit. The pig has had it rough enough. Lay off them for awhile, ya jerks!

Lastly, health smealth. WHO cares? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Death should not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Swine flu is the best thing that ever happened to me. Flights are super cheap because of it. Mexico here I come..I'll be as happy as a pig wallowing in it's own zen!

I'm gonna go get kinky with some swine. See ya when I see ya (or not because I may get H1N1 Influenza A hog virus and spew out my last krap ever)!

Miss Kinky Piggy Tits
Click the image for more Piggy Kink

Also, in another Mexico related news story:

Diners report seeing Virgin Mary in food griddle

In Calexico, California a cook says she saw the likeness of the Virgin Mary on a griddle as it was being cleaned.

Maybe we can all pray to the Virgin Mary griddle that we don't have a swine flu epidemic on our hands and then we'll make some killer pork lard pancakes with it...and a side of bacon.

p.s. Happy Mother's Day
put lipstick on a pig with the swine flu
who said you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig?

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Daddy Papersurfer said...

There is little wrong with the world so long as the bacon sandwich still exists ....... oooooo, and a nice cup of tea.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Yeah, well you'll be singing a different tune when you're grunting and sweating like a pig. Miss Piggy has nice tits though.

David said...

It is a good thing they dropped the first name they were using - the Human Swine Flu.

Lounge lizzards everywhere would be in trouble - not just in Egypt.

Cool Papa said...

While eating a bag of pork grinds, I got a hard on from that glorious photo of Miss Piggy... OH, oink...oink!

Thinkinfyou said...

WOW! I always pictured Miss Piggy with more than one set of tits. I guess you learn something new everyday!

Funny videos said...

Yeah, well you'll be singing a different tune when you're grunting and sweating like a pig

Static said...

@ Daddy P - I agree. Take that bacon sammy and make it a BLT and I'm all set.

Static said...

@ Mr. Bananas - I'll be sweating and grunting like pig on top Miss Piggy alright.

Static said...

@ David - Hello, new person. I think we should just call it Humine Flu and slaughter lounge lizards by the droves.

Static said...

@ Threio - Pork rinds are disgusting. Pork rind makers don’t even bother to tart up the product to disguise the fact that the purchaser will be eating crispy fried chunks of pig flesh.

The thing is they actually LOOK like deep fried skin... you can even see the little hair holes if you look closely. Sprinkled with various seasonings they become a ghastly, but clever disguising of cast off animal parts that do nothing for you.

Static said...

@ Thinkinfyou - Actually you are correct. Piggy does have three sets of enormous breasts, perfect for a threesome of Piggy teat suckling. Care to join us?

Static said...

@ Funny videos - I believe that comment has already been made. WHO are you? You've made several comments on my articles yesterday and I haven't a clue WHO you are. WHO, I say. WHO?!

The Snarky View said...

Hey Stat baby! The Snarkies have moved along with Ms Macky over to Blogger now!!! Come on over and follow so we can see your sweet little icon everyday!

Waltsense.com said...

yeah - the god damn media went a little overboard - ya think. where is the hype when its receeding and calming down? None. yeah I'm bitter cuz I have a wedding planned down their in early June. Maybe i should see that as a sign and just dump her.

Kelly said...

I like your funny point of view about media going overboard. I wrote about it, too, several days ago. Others have, too. My point is this, even though most of the folks in this world are obedient, gullible sheep- it's nice to know some bloggers ya know and other individuals that aren't- have the sense to shout out the truth every once in awhile.

Kelly said...

btw- miss piggy gives me a hard on, too

Rich said...

i am proud i live in a world where relationships have been based on childhood role models of a pig and a frog doing the nasty.

Snarky Basterd said...

'kay. You visit my site. I visit you site. Now we all cite KRAZY shite 'bout pig flight. You turn to visit my site. BTW: Me really like Miss Piggy flashlite.

Static said...

@Snarky - You wanna see my sweet face everyday? Then come move in with me..I'd like to look at yours everyday too sweetie-pie. What's that you say..I'm moving to fast? =P

Static said...

@Waltsense - I'm not sure who she is, but if it's Snarky..it's a safe bet to assume she's moving in with me bub.

Static said...

@Kelly - Baa! Lemme guess, sheep give you a hard-on too.

Static said...

@Rich - What's green, slimey, and smells like Ms. Piggy?

Kermit's cock.

Static said...

@Dr. Dave - You get into Piggy porn like these other sickos, huh?

misstfied said...

I'm not worried about Swine flu, nor can I say I ever have been. However, after reading through all of these comments, I can say I am now terrified of pork-rinds. ha ha

you can even see the little hair holes if you look closely.

Thanx so much for that noteworthy advice, Static. LOL.

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