Lick The Big Bone (Revised)

"The greatest service which can be rendered any country is to add a useful plant to its culture."

- Thomas Jefferson

I don't know about you, but I sure would like a puff of whatever plants he was smokin'.

You can thank Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States (1801–1809), and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence (1776), for starting what would become the largest collection of North American Mammoth fossil bones (in scientific speak that means, old massive pricks.) **No thanks to that wonderful duo, Lewis and Clark and their perverse expedition across America.**

History and science come together in this fascinating story of a woodland salt lick, and how the fossilized Big Bones found there influenced the beginnings of paleontological pornography in America.

Located on Beaver Road, between the communities of Beaverlick and Rabbit Snatch, Northern Kentucky's Big Bone Lick saline springs have nurtured man and animal for centuries. And the Big Bones of extinct mastodons, bison and other creatures are buried deep in there to prove it.

The park features several nature trails, including the Outdoor Museum of Big Bonin' with Discovery Trail (I'll let you decide what that means), complete with spurting springs -  and everyone knows that Kentuckians love salty springs erupting from Big Bones, just as much as Georgians do.

Ever seen Deliverance?

We're all Georgians..well, sorta..not really. But we do have Big Bones. To the Gulag, Boris!

Biology Professor emeritus Eyema Hedonist, illuminates a time when the concept of extinction of the Big Bone was considered outrageous, if not downright blasphemous, since it contradicted the biblical doctrine of a perfect, unchanging Big Bone creation. The Big Bone Theory - if you will - was met with much criticism.
Early 18th-century Big Bone naturalists believed the Big Bones were remnants of some, get this: rare type of elephant dong, possibly even Asian elephant dongs that had somehow wandered into American forests.. let's just see how many hits those underlined search words get on Google. God knows I've had plenty for whale penis.

Thomas Jefferson used the Mammoth bones to refute the European idea that the New World environment was inferior and unable to grow large animals.

No doubt, this theory was unfounded.

These elephants got Big Bones.

**Big Bones In RuneScape, or Run(Escape) as it is known in some circles; Big Bones are items associated with the skill prayer. Any Runescape nerd knows Big Bones give 15 experience points when buried (we won't tell you where.)

This is over three times as much experience as bones, making big bones an extremely popular method of training prayer in free-to-play (F2P). They are dropped by normally large monsters, such as any sorts of giants (or elephants as pictured above), giant frogs, ogres, your Wicked Stepmother, etc.

Streisand wants Big Bone
Your Wicked Stepmother likes Big Bones
but she don't get none

The only free-to-play monsters that drop big bones are: hill giants, moss giants, ice giants, and your Wicked Stepmother.

Lately the price has been skyrocketing for big bones, most likely because of such high demand.

So dig deep if you wanna buy a Big Bone!

**Additional note: It's also common knowledge that porn stars like Big Bones too. Just ask porn star Nikki Benz. She'll tell you all about her love for Big Bones.

Poised for greatness, she can make Big Bones disappear before your very eyes. She has starred in plenty of Big Bone prone movies, and has plans to make many many more.

this cum dumpster probably haz teh aids

Nikki bends over backwards for Big Bones...
..the FREE couch also needs a new home and a good cleaning. Any takers?

The scumbucket soul and bone-sucking porn industry is always seeking Big Bones to add to their collection. But since you don't have a Big Bone, you're excluded.

Today Big Bone lies mostly in obscurity, much like this blogger's articles. However, with the advent of Viagra and Cialis, Big Bone may rise again. Long live Big Bone! The End.

big gay george w bush bone
It's amazing what you can find on the 'interweb', said Jumbone Licker, If I were to surf the net more often, I'd totally do it nekkid!

You can get more of this degenerate, obscure blog-tard and his mammoth Big Bone by subscribing to his feeds today. Don't wait another're wasting time and testing his patience it! Do it now, or suffer a most supernaturally heinous paper cut.


Mammoth said...

Yes, Big Bone Lick is a funny name. So let’s dissect the humor. The term “Big Bone” refers to the large bones left behind by the mammoth, mastodon, ground sloth and bison that once roamed through mineral springs and swamps that were common here during the Pleistocene age. “Lick” refers “salt lick” which is a place where animals go to lick naturally occurring salt deposits. So “Big Bone Lick” is essentially a diner and cemetery for ancient animals. What’s so funny about that? ;-)

Big Bone Lick State Park

Static said...

@ Mammoth - Um, yeah.

I'm just gonna leave that one alone and let you think on it for awhile.

Retarded Mastodon said...

Yeah. What’s so funny about that?

Gorilla Bananas said...

The redhead on the right is very slim for a fat chick. I wonder if she's anorexic. The porn star is just skin and bones.

Skrib (aka MEaster Bunny) said...

Mammoth -you're such a buzz kill.

Tramadol said...

Jefferson must be one repressed soul. Or he must have had idiot advisers.

I do hope those chicks have heard about Weight Watchers. I've got nothing against plus-size women but that is just ++++plus size. Are they wearing any bottoms?

Static said...

@ Skrib - I agree. Who cares about Big Bone Lick? And if they do, they can Google it, or go visit it on their own time.

Static said...

@ Tramadol - Wow, for a Canadian pharmacy spammer you sure have made some valid points..not the usual text that is buried in an avalanche of meaningless words that has nothing to do with anything in order to get around spam filters.

In response to your remarks:

First, TJ was a hooker...and had something to do with politics. So naturally being involved in politics MEANS he had idiot advisers. They all do, because all of them are idiots.

Second, the girls never even heard of Weight Watchers. And they are wearing least I hope they are. Thanks for the visual. =|

Third - fuck off spammer! =)

Static said...

@ Mammoth - Once again. I gave you time to process your remarks here. I even went so far as to post my comments on your blogs.

But, you haven't responded...pity. I enjoy a verbal sparring, but you don't seem to be capable of even something so small as that. Is this pure impotence on your part, I wonder?

When confronted with the resounding, but boring point, that the park is in essence a natural wonder that only geeky paleontologists, dorky geologists, and in general - complete science nerds would be captivated by.

Dissecting humor is about as interesting or as intellectually stimulating as watching grass grow.

Clearly, in our opinions, Krapsody's article about Big Bone Lick State Park is much more...mmkay...slightly more entertaining. kthxbai!

p.s. thanks for the Google alert tip and the practical but almost useless knowledge that might come in handy if someone were playing Trivial Pursuit circa 1982 OR if they should ever happen to be so "lucky" as to travel through the state of Kentucky and STUMBLE upon Big Bone Lickers in a park.

Mi Thoughts said...

That's hilarious. I'll have to put that Park on my to-do list.

Static said...

@ Mi Thoughts - Thanks, I thought the name Big Bone Lick was too good to pass up writing an article about.

If you should happen to make a trip to Kentucky, be sure to stop in at Big Bone Lick. I hear it's a real hoot...if you like Big Bones.

Gboo said...

Hey Mammoth go choke on a big bone!!

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