BP Oil Cajun Fish Fry Party

New Orleans, LA (Krapsody) - BP Oil is already in hot water, so to speak, over the Deepwater Horizon spill, and Gulf State residents are looking to take them to task. Residents seek lost wages, and property compensation that has damaged the fishing industry, tourism, and more. In response to the backlash, BP Oil has taken unprecedented steps to making full amends with the public. By having a public fish fry party.

Although BP still denies the recent Deepwater Horizon oil spill as one of the biggest, if not the most epic, manmade disasters in history. Ever. They make light of the situation by being party assholes.

Concerned about the tourism industry to the Gulf Coast in particular, BP issued a public statement near Grand Isle beaches today. This is a transcript as it happened direct to you our readers:

BP representative Doyle Slick clears his throat and announces, "This is not an environmental disaster, and I will say that again and again because it is a natural phenomena. Oil has seeped into this ocean for centuries."

A crowd gathers.

Doyle continues, "Yes, we had a little, tiny, wee bit of an accident. But let's not forget the heroic number of manual efforts throughout the Gulf Coast to make our beaches safe again."

"This is not a time to cry over spilled oil. This is a time to celebrate. In honor of American citizens and workers nationwide, BP is sponsoring a good ol' fashioned Cajun Fish Fry party!!"

The crowd begins to look at each other in bewilderment. Stifled gasps along with "oohs" and "ahhs" can be heard.

The crowd is hushed as Doyle raises his hands, "What better time to fry up some fish that has been battered, greased, and set on fire for us already?!"

The crowd goes wild. Confetti is thrown into the air.

"Don't mind the flavor, those oil cleanup chemicals are just a bit tangy," Doyle shouts.

At this point the uncontrolled throng turns into a riot. People are throwing their underwear at Doyle.

"And don't mind the feathers and beaks..them's just garnishes! We can start with that dead porpoise right there!!" as he points to a sludge covered carcass on the beach.

Pandemonium erupts. The mob topples over an EPA vehicle and sets fire to a FEMA trailer. A group of people rip a pelican apart, and beat a helpless sea turtle against an oil drum. And blah blah blah...

"The oil also makes a great suntan lotion. Look out Hawaiian Tropic!!!!" Doyle screams above the clamor.

bp oilslicklols to kick start the tourism industry
"Come join us in sunny Louisiana!"

Doyle here, showing off his oil slicked hairdo
and his bulging oil spill cleanup bicep.


Gorilla Bananas said...

But like it or not, Americans need oil. If BP don't get it who will? The big fat oil-sucking monster?

Static said...

@ Gorrira Bonaner - Yes. Yes! The big fat oil-sucking monster will get it and shove his big fat ass in the gaping hole that is pumping oil into the ocean at this very minute to plug it! For he is the BUTTLORD. Amen. Buttlord can be viewed here: http://bigmentaldisease.com/news/buttlord/

Static said...

@ Gorrira Bonaner - and p.s. screw oil! In protest of BP's epic disaster I am riding my bike..everywhere...well, mostly because the engine on my 8 mpg (miles to the gallon) Hummer truck has blown and I have to buy a new one. But, once again, THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

rusty said...

Is Doyle single? Maybe he would take me to Burger Barn when he gets his social security check. Do they take food stamps?

Static said...

@ rusty - Doyle is available by appointment only. The sole source of accepted payment required is clams. Ya GOT any clams?

Kelly said...

That Doyle fella is a sharp dressed man. If I were a peter-puffin fudgepackin sonafabith, I could go for a cutie like him.

BP's fish fry sounds like a good and tasty substitute for reimbursing the livelihoods of the residents down in the Gulf. I get dibs on the black sauce filling the fish. Mmmm. MMM. Yum.

And fuck those bird and marine creatures that dwell in that area. When I went down to Lousiana, they said they enjoyed drowning in megatons of oil every day. They told me so- just the other day- when this duck like thing, waddled up to me, let out a big long belch, puked up a fistful of tar balls and rudely decided to die before I could eplain how this "natural disater" was for his benefit.

Funny post, man. The oil pictures make me sad, though.

Static said...

@ Kelly - Why that was quite a derogatory term you used. Surely an old queen like yourself is into chickenhawks..chasing young twinks and chickens like Doyle (whom I'm pretty sure is HIV positive)..and bears like you. Or are you really a homophobe? I tell you what, last time someone said that here, me and the gay friendlies buggered their face and their ass sideways with a falafel and didn't bother giving them a reach around..just for using the word "fudgepacker" AND I'm not even gay. Btw, you got some real purty lips boy. lol

Static said...

@ Kelly - Also, BP stated that ol' brown eye on the ocean floor sharted all that oil out cause it got drilled too hard.

Gee, that's too bad. Should have had an enema first. That's what happens when BP lays the pipe. BP IS SUCH A MANWHORE...LAYS MORE PIPE THAN AN ARABIAN OIL SHEIK. lol

But seriously, the mess is pretty bad. The shit hit the fan so to speak. It's gonna take years to clean it all up. =(

The Wolf said...

A Cajun fish fry that solves everything......fucking fantastic. Now why didn't they do that for Chernobyl when it went nuclear. I mean they could have told people eating the three eyed fish would give them super powers, becuase we all know that radiation dosen't cause hideous mutations, cancer and birth defects for generations.....it cuases super powers. And dammit I wannabe like Wolverine.

Static said...

@ The Wolf - I think they did do that at Chernobyl..but it wasn't fish they were promoting. It was chickens. Chernobyl chickens had three legs, four breasts, and six wings. One chicken could feed an entire family for a week. Plus it was already a bit spiced and fried by the radiation. Tasty treats that KFC couldn't compete with.

Kelly said...

No, dude. I'm not gay ("not that there's anything wrong with that"- Seinfeld episode quote). Nor am I a homophobe. The gay friends from my neighboring state can attest to that. I helped them get married, after all. Long story. Why do I feel like I'm on trial here? I thought you knew me better. Anyway, on with the tedious show... the terms "peter puffer" and "fudgepacker" are words I like using time to very few times because they sound funny. They both sound like actual job titles or positions. Funny when you think about it. If you wanna call me a clam licker or cuntpacker for the fuck of it- go ahead. Enjoy. :-) Names have never meant anything to me. Now actions... yeah.

Anyway, and much more importantly, what I was trying to convey was that BP's lame attempts in comforting or suggesting they are helping the people and animals in the Gulf are ludicrous. CEO Tony Hayward was/is a true idiot for saying he wants his life back. How fucking insulting. Imagine what the people down there are wanting. No one has to. It's painfully obvious.

Anyway, funny, ironic post, man. Just wanted to clear that up. I hate assumptions about me. Especially ones I feel strongly about.

Rambling again. I think I just wrote a book. :) Bye. Take care.

Static said...

@ Kelly - Wow dude, you seem a tad defensive there for someone who is not gay or homophobic when we're just joking around here. I thought you knew me better. I assume you didn't see the irony in my comments and may have taken it personally. Sorry for that. This also is proof that one doesn't really "know" anyone they interact with on the internet. Who the heck am I? Who are you? And you?! And...AHHHHH!!! Speaking of irony:

"Are there any queers in the theater tonight? Get 'em up against the wall! That one in the spotlight, he don't look right! Get him up against the wall! And that one looks Jewish... and that one's a coon! Who let all this riff raff into the room? That one's smoking a joint! And that one's got spots! If I had my way, I'd have all of you shot!" - rock singer "Pink", from Pink Floyd's The Wall

Static said...

@ Wolf - so true..I tweeted the other day that we could probably find more oil by: drilling Rush Limbaugh's teeth, or in Larry King's veins. Now that you mentioned it, those hefty greedy CEO's would probably make a great fuel for current and future generations. Let's have a fat greedy petroleum CEO fry party. Get 'em up against the wall!

Kelly said...

Ahhh... That song brings back memories. I used to play that over and over. Whole album was cool and meaningful, really. The movie, eh, not so much. I think I had the words practically memorized from that album.

Anyway, no hard feelings or anything about before. I thought you were really thinking that I was an asshole like that. I just don't want anyone to think I'm against any anybody for their choices.

Except BP. Now them, I'm against- for their handling or not handling their mistakes in the Gulf.

Take care, man. All is good in the neighborhood. :-)

Static said...

@ Kelly - I know, that's like one of the best albums ever. The movie wasn't bad. For 1979 the animation and concept was pretty cool. It's right up there with Heavy Metal and...Beavis and Butthead. =P

Also: no worries, Kelly. I may have gotten a bit carried away with my banter. Honestly I was only joking. I just thought there was some real irony and hypocrisy to our comments that was a satire in and of itself, deserving of attention. So no hard feelings here in the slightest. So long as you're good, I'm good man.

People who take stuff on the internet too seriously really need to get a life. At least that's how I feel about it..stalking someone on the internet or in the real world to harass them is silly. I got bigger fish to fry (no pun) and too many other things to worry about.

Funny story: over on my Facebook account, some freakazoid got all up in arms about my opinion of BP and some of the comments I had left on BP's wall..long story short, they're not all that bright for wasting their time trying to argue with me (or anyone else) and my viewpoints, the facts presented in the BP spill, or over semantics. They were just so convinced I was hating on the state of Louisiana they missed the points I had made. Things get lost in translation much too easily anymore, I think it could be because people pay more attention to what they want to, instead of details they ought to be paying attention to.

ANYWAY...now I'm rambling. LOL!!

Kelly said...

I'll have to check out that wall on the BP site. I didn't know they had a place for comments. I bet they've had some pretty nasty threats against them. For good reason.

Later. :)

Static said...

@ Kelly - http://bit.ly/aKd6iM and http://bit.ly/dwUSyv..enjoy!

CherylT said...

This is one cajun fish fry I won't be attending. Good to see someone still laughing in the face of environmental and economic disaster. Found you on FMB, now your latest follower.

The SNEE said...

Fish Fry Party! Darn!! Why didn't I think of that! Really fun read. I will look forward to more! In the meantime, I'll go look at some archives.

Unknown said...

"What better time to fry up some fish that has been battered, greased, and set on fire for us already?!"

This will last me until graduation. Hopefully by that time, I'll have hours of amusement after someone videotapes the kidnap, rape and torturing of BP CEO Tony Hawyard. After his beheading, his bloody corpse will most likely be carried in a Mardi Gras parade of some sort, and eventually ground into sausage.

Kelly said...

@Julio- Now that sounds like a real party! Hooray!

The Acorn King said...

Ha, Doyle rocks!!! Looks like something out of the movie Gummo.

James said...

Since BP chief says he is not in the loop and didn't care enough to get updates on the the biggest environment disaster in America, let's get used to the Cajun fish fry.

It is gonna be on the menu till August, at best.

Static said...

@ CherylT - thanks for stopping by and joining in. You're right, attending this event is as good as being dead. I'm not laughing really, this is scathing satire with a kung fu kick to the face of environmental and economic disaster..no thanks to BP America and Haliburton (again)..thanks for following! =)

Static said...

@ The SNEE - (in an Arnold Schwarzenegger-like voice) YES SNEE! Do it. Do it now! Dig through those archives!

Static said...

@ Who Leo? Julio -
"This will last me until graduation. Hopefully by that time, I'll have hours of amusement after someone videotapes the kidnap, rape and torturing of BP CEO Tony Hawyard. After his beheading, his bloody corpse will most likely be carried in a Mardi Gras parade of some sort, and eventually ground into sausage."

That will last me a lifetime! Here's to bringing me a lifetime of PURE lolz!! =D

Static said...

@ Kelly - totally! I am so there!!

Static said...

@ James - "It is gonna be on the menu till August, at best."

Are there enough fish left in the ocean after this disaster to last that long?

Wait...did you mean, August 2011?? OR August 2012??? Hold on.

(gets out calculator) **click clack click clack!

Umm...no, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but all sea life has officially been destroyed and eaten. No chance of even making it through this August. :(

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...