13..no, 21..21 Strange Ways People Get High

Guess what kiddies? It's Infographics Week at Krapsody.com! *Because we all know how important it is for illiterates to be able to read and interpret take a good guess at visual representations of information! *this is just my lame attempt to flood the internets, and your minds, with useless information..and also because I am too busy lazy to write any articles right now. Plus, I've been offered a cool advertising deal I couldn't refuse (a years supply of French ticklers and an all expenses paid trip to Butt Plug Mardi Gras (aka CPAC 2011) and THAT'S a "hole" lotta fun, folks!) I just love infographics!!

Medical Billing Douchebags

Frankly, I am surprised they left out these fine examples to get higher than a giraffe's ass!
*DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME or anywhere at anytime..EVER! I suppose this goes without saying, but some people are not very bright.

#14 - Spinning

Do you remember as a child spinning around to get dizzy? This was your way of getting high without the realization that this was what you were doing. The dizziness effect is a high that is achieved naturally and without any real harm done. Other than throwing up, or spinning into solid inanimate objects. So, start acting like a kid once again and you'll be able to achieve the high you're looking for.

#15 - Wind

Standing in a windstorm tornado will get you higher than a giraffe's ass. You have to be facing the direction of then tornado and it will carry you away, literally. The vacuum within the center of the tornado will take your breath away and thus create a high. If there is no wind or a tornado, then sign up to go skydiving (sans the parachute pack stuffed with pots and pans or just sans a parachute pack), this will somewhat simulate the effect you are looking for. It's also known as an adrenaline rush...which can be achieved by riding a roller coaster or other dangerous amusement park ride as well. However, as with any risky enterprise, death is possible, so take precautions (bring your own parachute pack).

#16 - Sunbathing

Lying in the hot sun from the morning to evening will get you high. Just don't drink any water or fluids when you do this. This is also known as sunstroke and/or dehydration. The sun and heat will slowly roast you and you'll eventually find your head spinning. You might even need to be carried inside because you will be unable to walk. It's just like being drunk or high, but without ingesting ANYTHING!

#17 - Eating Raw Chicken

Consuming raw chicken will get you high. Leaving the chicken out for three hours and eating it will give you salmonella poisoning and much like drinking dog pee (see next), you will projectile vomit causing a high.

#18 - Drinking Dog Pee

There's a rumor that if you drink fresh dog urine then you will projectile vomit and that you will get high. Allegedly, this has also been discovered to prevent heart attacks. So, if you want to stay "healthy" and get high at the same time then this seems to be the way to go, albeit a disgusting way. I can only assume that eating dog shit might have the same benefits. But I'm not willing try it or place bets on that.

#19 - Blackout, Funky Chicken, Space Monkey, Flat Liner,
Tingling and Suffocation Roulette,
and another common technique
involving sexual gratification referred to
as Autoerotic Asphyxiation (aka Choking Method)

This is done by placing a rope, a sock, a belt, or anything you can tighten around your neck and getting it as tight as possible. As the life releases from your body, you allegedly feel a state of euphoria. But, don’t forget to loosen it up after you get to that state or you will ultimately die like Michael Hutchence or David Carradine. This has also been known to be used during a sexual act because some people like the combination of the two sensations together.

#20 - Toilet Flush

Putting your head upside down in a toilet and flushing it a few times can get you high. It is a combination of the blood rushing to your head and the holding of your breath so you don’t drown that makes this happen. I believe the kids that used to get picked on in school call this a swirly.

#21 - Gas Stove

Stick your head in a gas stove. The fumes from the gas can cause you to get high, but if you breathe in too much you can also suffocate and die. It is best that you only take only moderately deep breaths to accumulate this high, or none at all. At some point you should breathe again, or you'll suffocate and die (see #19).

So, there ya have it. The possibilities for junkies--I am sure--are endless!


Gorilla Bananas said...

How many of these have you actually tried? I won't believe it until I've heard it from the horse's mouth The toilet flush thing might work if the blood goes to your head.

Static said...

@ Gorilladude: Please don't shoot. I'm only the messenger. Honestly, I've never even considered these. I'm not that hard up. In exception to #13, which I have tried. These otherworldly tones and/or sounds, which are comprised of binaural beats, alter brainwaves to induce a different state of being or consciousness.

Some say it's a narcotic-like ecstasy...but I think the general consensus among most people who are into that thing call it "meditative" or a "relaxation technique", which is completely safe as long as you aren't operating a motor vehicle or other machinery.

In my opinion listening to these does really change your mood or state of mind without the use of mind altering chemicals and controlled substances that can be harmful to your health.

The science behind it all is rather too lengthy and detailed to get into here, but there is scientific data which supports that listening to these types of frequencies affects the listener's brain chemistry, releasing hormones such as dopamine, etc. that create similar sensations people experience when they use drugs.

Initially, the sounds themselves appear to take on a three-dimensional quality as if they are surrounding the listener. And eventually a third tone underlying the tones that are heard seem to come from someplace else outside of the external audio signal.

Not to mention the physical or mental sensations that go along with this experience. Some people say they have had an out-of-body experience. The best way to experience this anomaly is to find out for yourself.

Here are some examples:

To get the best out of the experience you must wear headphones while listening to the tracks.

Phoenix New Times article on I-dosing

GetHighNow.com offers several tracks that not only include binaural beats but other sounds that have been known to alter brain wave patterns

Speaking of binaural beats, a talented musician I came across recently uses binaural beats in her songs. She can be found at GemiiniiRiisiing[dot]com..yes, I'm shamelessly plugging her, so enjoy!

Kelly said...

I personally enjoy sticking my head inside a high powered suctioning toilet, spinning around and eating a raw chicken, afterwards. Vomiting is fun!

Thank you for bringing these helpful suggestions on how to get high. You've helped make the world a better place and I know that was your intention.

Ahoy Matey! I be back from the Caribbeans and ready to dig into sum big fat bitch's booty.

Static said...

@7masterheathen (Kelly) -

*blinks eyes


Welcome back!

Julio said...

I've received a boner from these many ways of getting high. You should try binaural music. Close your eyes and give it about 10 minutes and you'll feel significantly more relaxed. Of course, this could be from just closing your eyes and relaxing to any soft-style music (i.e. music with soft instrumentals, slow beats, etc.). It does make you feel weirder, though, than listening to regular music, I must say. I'm on 40 minutes and I feel kind of... extrapolated? Maybe I feel that way because my word verification is "extrap," but I'm going with the intuition that it's divine intervention...hey, wait a minute...God, don't, DON'T TOUCH ME THERE JESUS!....oh fuck, now I'm pregnant. Thanks A LOT, immaculate conception!

Kelly said...

Thanks... And for the record, I have a boner too. But thankfully, I had a really big pointy knife lying around to chop it off with.


Had a good time in the Caribbean. Now I've come back to hell. AAAAAAH.

Gina said...

You have done a marvelous job! I am really inspired with your work.

Static said...

@projectjulio : Whether it's divine, mind-altering, or boner inducing experiences you are seeking I suggest you try listening to three straight hours of Tibetan monks chanting, "OM MANI PADME HUM! OM MANI PADME HUM!"...it's an unforgettable one. For a truly consciousness-expanding trip you can substitute three hours of OM MANI PADME HUM chanting with The Mahna Mahna song. It's EPIC.

Static said...

@postzoom : Thanks, I will have to check it out soon...right after my three hour hallucinatory experience with a Manah Manah song loop marathon. http://bit.ly/krapcomment

Static said...

@7masterheathen (Kelly) : You've been watching BME Pain Olympics again, haven't you? Tsk tsk..hopefully you caught your escapade on tape to send to BME as an authentic penile mutilation since the BME Final Round clip is a hoax. http://bit.ly/BMEPO
Pretty convincing and sick either way. Thanks for reminding me about that. Hell, it seems, isn't so lonely after all.

Static said...

@ Gina : Thanks. I am flattered...that you would use a cut 'n paste response to veil your spam. But guess what? Your network tariff has changed. Internet use charges are now calculated according to brain size. The smaller the cheaper. Looks like you'll be getting a discount!

p.s. Where are you? You're not replying... I'm worried because today's newscast said that a
monkey may have been severely injured during a lightning storm. So if you're okay, reply here. kthxbai!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...