Introducing: FRUITSHIGI!

You are about to be mesmerized, it's here, it's wild and it's sweeping the nation. It's FRUITSHIGI – The magic gravity fruit! No strings, no tricks. Is it magic?… Maybe. Is it illusion?…YOU decide! You can make FRUITSHIGI defy gravity and fall in midair with maneuvers like prayer cross, levitation, palm-spin, The body roll, and so many more!! It confuses the senses (and Isaac Newton) with its mind blowing movements! Young or old, big or small anyone can FRUITSHIGI the minute they pickup the magic gravity fruit and with practice you can conquer the FRUITSHIGI! Everyone loves FRUITSHIGI and you don’t have to be a magician. It's relaxing and even therapeutic. Best of all it's just amazing!!!

FRUITSHIGI comes in a variety of sizes, colors AND FLAVORS!

How about Bananashigi?!!
(The official commercial for the magical gravity fruit.)

You can smash FRUITSHIGI!

You can even watch FRUITSHIGI rot before your very eyes!

Fruit Decomposition Time Lapse - Watch more Funny Videos

Just read these testimonials

My little brother has FRUITSHIGI, but I think it's a scam. It doesn’t do any sort of gravity tricks. It’s just a big piece of ordinary fruit. I mean you could do all of those tricks you saw in the commercial with an orange, or a baseball.
- Mike H. from Ohio

Whoa...superb?! FRUITSHIGI is Fake! It's fruit!! OH YEAH! Get it right away and make salad with it! - Susan B.

Well, clearly Mike H. from Ohio and Susan B. don't know what they're talking about. FRUITSHIGI is not available in stores and is 100% authentic. BEWARE OF IMITATORS. You can't buy it in your local produce section at the supermarket. You can only buy the Amazing FRUITSHIGI from us.

Here are a few celebrity endorsements for the AMAZING FRUITSHIGI!

Gary Busey loves and himself

David Bowie and David Cassidy love FRUITSHIGI and COCAINE!!!

Nick Nolte loves FRUITSHIGI and bananas in the ears

Randy Quaid loves FRUITSHIGI and DRAMAS OH NOES!

Wilford Brimley loves FRUITSHIGI and Diabeetus

Now for some more excellent news! This device which has been used by performing contact jugglers for hundreds of years is obtainable today to the general public!

When you purchase the FRUITSHIGI magic gravity product, you also get an instructional DVD that will teach you STUNNING moves and assist you to be just like the experts in the commercial and FRUITSHIGI website.

Mainly because the look of the FRUITSHIGI magic gravity product is essential for the appearance and the tricks you do with it, proper care is imperative. You need to always exercise over carpeting to ensure that if it drops, damage might be avoided or minimized. Despite the fact that the FRUITSHIGI may or may not shatter, it could also be scratched or chipped. You may fill these with a minimal quantity of drywall spackle or chewing gum, but that could change the look of FRUITSHIGI and one's illusions they are trying to perform with FRUITSHIGI.

The FRUITSHIGI magic gravity product is not available in stores. You may order it on the web or by telephone for the one-time price of just $19.99 PLUS shipping and handling, and the instructional DVD is incorporated in that cost!
Get one, or several even, BUY one for everybody in your family just in time for Christmas!! AND you can have your close friends convinced that you simply know the best way to defy gravity!!! ZOMG!!!!

Order the FRUITSHIGI today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(excessive exclamation points for added emphasis only and are not included with your order -- neither are batteries. SWEET!)


Lori Gomez said...

CLEARLY, there is NO better time to be ALIVE than NOW!


Static said...

@LoriGVW (Ms. Gomez) Nick Nolte says, "lol wut?"...well, he does have bananas in his ears. Thanks for following. =)

Con Artist Trickster said...

That trick could be a good party game. I mean if you're having a garden party (literally).

Static said...

@ Con Artist Trickster: The only thing that would make that party complete is some Chia Pets!

Kelly said...

I knew what you were making fun of at the start of reading this post and watching the videos but I couldn't think of that stupid little crystal ball's exact product name. I had to look it up. Fushigi Ball is the name of it. Whenever I've seen commercials of this ball, usually late at night, I'll think, Now some idiots will buy this thing because they really believe it has some magical or gravity defying properties. The "Fruitshigi" as you and Funny Or Die have humorously pointed out, would delight and enthrall the average imbecile the same way.

I like the Gary Busey pic/endorsement the best. Funny. And man, he's a fucking loon. I almost feel sorry for him. He likely would go for something like that. The video of the guy smashing fruit was funny, in a strange sort of way. It made me wish I was smoking something to enhance my viewing pleasure, dude. lol.

This is just another fine example that people will buy anything. Hilarious post. Makes me wanna go out and juggle oranges to amaze the town folk. Happy holidays to ya.

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