Obscure Moments in Pop Culture History I

Rove tries in vain to appear hip.

President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle celebrated American poetry with a gathering of poets, musicians, and artists at the White House last Wednesday night.

With relatively harmless Caucasian guests like Aimee Mann, Steve Martin, and Kenneth Goldsmith, it’s not hard to see why the invitation of the relatively uncontroversial rapper Common was politicized by critics of Obama's poetry night celebration.

Most prominently, former Bush adviser, Karl Rove, trash-talked Common on The Sean Hannity Show, because of his "violent and misogynistic music lyrics that advocated assassinating Bush and violence against police."

"Common is nothing but a common thug," Rove cried. "He's a big scary black man. I just couldn't imagine inviting him to the White House for anything, much less to do a rap performance. The only reason he should be there is to mop the floors or serve the guests."

"WAAAAAAH, Mommy! That big scary black guy scares me!!!" - Karl Rove

However, realizing the bigotry behind his remarks, Rove made sure to mention that he loved N.W.A. at the height of their popularity...citing Eazy-E as a major influence on his political philosophy from that point forward, and therefore he's not racist.

"I loved that Eazy-E not only helped define the brutal subgenre known as gangster rap - he negotiated the gang scene in Compton - that to me is the epitome of Boyz-n-the-Hood," Rove said, "He even admitted that without rap he’d be in jail or dead. And in the end it was the AIDS that killed him. Ironic, isn't it?"

Rove continued, "And even though Common probably has a bigger penis than I do, that has nothing to do with my dislike for the man."

Karl Rove clearly not racist or unsympathetic.

In an attempt to appear less prejudiced than he actually is, Rove has even written his own little raps. The works are still under development, but he has three solid ditties that are guaranteed to not make anyone tap their feet to them:

"I'm The Architect", "Bush Is My Bitch", and "Courag3 and Cons3qu3nc3" the latter of which is still unfinished and the more freestyle rap of the three.

Here is an excerpt from "Courag3 and Cons3qu3nc3" -

"Yo, when I was in school I was the complete nerd

I guess you could say that I was pretty awkward

I had the briefcase

I had the pocket protector

I wore Hush Puppies when they were not cool

I was just a thin, scrawny little dude

All your homies thought I was definitely uncool, fool

And all my niggaz go:

'Hippity hoppity

Flippity floppity!'"

Eli Porter, quite possibly the greatest freestyle rapper in the world, described "Courag3 and Cons3qu3nc3" as being too simplistic. Porter said, "The rhythm is too slow, the timing is off, and the words were second-grade level, mayne."

“Also,” Porter added, “has anyone else noticed how big Karl’s forehead is? It’s huge. He looks like a Klingon had a baby with a pig or some s**t!”

This isn't the only time Rove has showcased his lack of rhythm for all-the-world to see, nor is it his first attempt at a rap career. At the 2007 Radio & TV Correspondents' Dinner, 'MC' Karl Rove (AKA "Bush's Brain"), rapped and danced in a manner that would make most Americans vomit.

Rove cut loose and gave an impromptu rap performance that briefly shocked the nation’s liberals in the same manner Common’s performance at the White House has had on conservatives.

It's hard to imagine imagery more cringe-worthy (or likely to cause psychological scarring and/or burning of the eyes) as that of Karl Rove shaking his geriatric ass in a music video or on national TV. Horrific images of him doing the cha cha in his orthopedic shoes, sliding across the stage, playing air guitar, and shaking his booty at the camera are the very reasons why al-Qaeda wants to destroy America.

As Politico reported on Rove, "His arms flailed, he mugged, he shimmied, he crossed his hands, he backed it up, his BlackBerry became a prop, his voice went guttural, he took it up an octave."

And Newsweek's Holly Bailey wrote, "Somewhere in Idaho, Larry Craig is leaning in very close to his television."

In response to Rove's Correspondents' Dinner antics, Jon Stewart came up with his own Rove rap: "From the West Wing to the Crawford Ranch / Karl Rove has destroyed the executive branch / He has no scruples and I don't mean maybe / He said John McCain had a secret black baby / F**k that guy."

And a majority of Americans agree, "Yeah, F**k that guy.”


Static said...

@ A feminist: Oh hai, Sarah Palin! Gee, I'm terribly sorry you misunderstood. But gangsta rap may include references to sexism and misogyny, but whether it supports or CAUSES them is another matter entirely. Show me empirical evidence that supports your position, because it's not much different from claims that listening to Heavy Metal causes drug abuse or devil worship, or that listening to Indie Rock causes irreversible hipster syndrome. It's speculation and opinion - not fact.

As an example, North Carolina University conducted a study on misogyny and rap which was published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology:

"Many critics claim that rap music causes sexist beliefs, but the study's authors suggest the connection they found between rap and sexism is unlikely to be a direct cause-and-effect." Dr. Michael Cobb, assistant professor of political science, and Dr. Bill Boettcher, associate professor of political science.
Source: http://www.physorg.com/news122832232.html

If anything the study shows that males who are sexist were already sexist prior to listening to rap music that contains sexist lyrics.

As another example, which you conveniently provided - exactly who forced the "hoes" (as you so aptly, but inappropriately put, esp. as a feminist *gasp FOR SHAME!) to subject themselves to anything other than own choices? How do you know they are "hoes"...because someone in a song or in a video referred to them as such?? Do they not embrace the "hoe" label by taking it upon themselves? Maybe it's not for you, but others readily accept such culture because we have the right to exercise our freedoms in America. It's okay if you don't like it, but you can't expect others to change the way they are to fit your expectations.

"Its violently sexist lyrics normalize contempt for women in ghetto culture."

Apparently, you don't know who Common is. Also you evidently don't get satire. Maybe sexism is not the strongest subject matter for you to debate here - since the intended subject matter is racism, a subject you apparently are unfamiliar with. Good day.

Static said...

p.s. A feminist: I understand the importance of sexism and it's impact on women (and men). But Rove is pretty sexist. Men like him are more responsible for a lack of women's rights or involvement in politics than any artist is. Unless you think it's a joke that Washington perpetuates sexism (which is the real crime here if you ask me) or that sounding off on an obscure blog is in some weird way an antidote to sexism.

Gay rights activist said...

Gangsta rap supports and causes homophobia. Its violently anti-gay lyrics normalize contempt for gays and lesbians in ghetto culture. The gays in its music videos are called 'fags' and other worse labels by the rappers who they are subjecting themselves to. Only an idiot would treat it as a joke or pretend it's some kind of antidote to Karl Rove.

Static said...

Gosh, people sure read a lot into things, don't they? I feel sorry for fanatics.

Kelly said...

Karl "Ravin'" Rove, Donny Rumsfeld and Dicko Cheney are quite possibly the hippest Rap trio in music today. They created their band, CWF (Corrupt White Fuckas), in 2004 and reached the number one spot in Billboard's Rap song charts three times since then. CWF's first number one hit was "We So War Criminals, We All That."

Good News: Bad Boy Records has just signed CWF on to a new 3 year recording deal after their recent hit, "No Matta Wut U Do, U Alwayz Wrong, Obama."

Extra Good News: 50 Cent will be opening for Rove, Rummy and Cheney at the Hollywood Palladium this summer. You can almost taste the excitement!

Static said...

@ Kelly - I don't believe you. 50 Cent would never reduce himself to such a level as that...just to make a few dollars. But if he does he might call out a few 'bitches' and 'hoes' in the audience such as GOPer Marilyn Davenport.

Arnold Schwarzenegger said...

One thing is for sure, I am not racist.

50 Cent said...

Just for the record, not all rappers are sexist, I am not opening for Karl Rove and his band of thugs, and Marilyn Davenport is not my friend.

Static said...

Boy, some people have no sense of humor. Famous last words: Give me liberty or give me death.

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