If You Want To Occupy, Occupy This

Occupy Wall Street has been gaining momentum since it was conceptualized, spreading globally to places as far away as Antarctica. Many occupiers have taken to the internet to air their grievances, and social networks like Facebook have provided an accessible place for protesters to gather together and discuss news and other subjects related to their cause. So far there's been a large turnout. However, it hasn't stopped there. The movement to Occupy has made it to the stars, because only the stars are the limit.

Occupy Uranus is just one more avenue that protesters are utilizing as a means of achieving their goals. It would seem that the action to Occupy Uranus cannot be stopped. Rock Stars from Mars no more. Sorry, Charlie. Move over KISS Army, you cannot compete with Rock Stars from Uranus even on a good day.

Oh, yes. You heard it right folks.

In the past week alone, dozens of members have come forth. Nay, spilled forth, if you will. They have shown up in droves, eager to Occupy Uranus.

occupy uranus
Black holes wished they sucked like me.

The goals for OWS may be a bit muddled (especially as reported by mainstream media), but such is not the case with Occupy Uranus. Occupy Uranus has a clear mission and that is to Occupy Uranus. Even if it hurts.

Uranus is synonymous with hilarity. Everyone gets that. We all know Uranus never gets old. The very mention of the word 'Uranus' makes some people giggle like giddy little schoolgirls. But the inhabitants of Uranus are tired of it. They stand against the 1% that spread the jokes and the lies associated with greedy ignoble practices against their kind.

If you are wondering what kind of qualifications it takes to become an Occupy Uranus member, it is rather simple. This is a summary of their rules, but they need not be followed in part or in whole. Frankly, as long as you can follow simple directions and you're loosey-goosey you're in like Flynn! The qualifications for the occupation of Uranus are as follows:

  1. You do not talk about Uranus (unless it's to recruit new members.)
  2. You must have the desire to Occupy Uranus.
  3. If someone says "stop", or goes limp, taps out, the fight is not over. Ever.
  4. Only two members are required to begin Occupying Uranus. But additional members are encouraged, as "the more the merrier."
  5. One at a time, two at a time, three at a time, or four. Five potato, six potato, seven potato, more. We do not stand in the way of opportunities for any and all members to Occupy Uranus.
  6. No shirts, no shoes necessary.
  7. The fight will go on as long as it has to. This is a difficult venture, but with dedication and hard work we will Occupy Uranus.
  8. If this is your first night at Occupy Uranus, you HAVE to let other members Occupy Uranus.

Uranus is also a highly misunderstood place. Plenty of people still have misconceptions that have no place in Uranus culture. Such as the belief that Uranus is a favorite destination of astronauts who pursue an alternate sexual lifestyle. That is inaccurate. Historically, it has only been cosmonauts who have engaged in this activity.

Likewise, Uranus was not discovered by the British astronomer Sir William "One-eye" Herschel in 1781. Contrary to popular belief, Herschel was spying upon his gorgeous neighbor one evening who happened to be undressing in her window, and in Hershel's shock and excitement he bumped his telescope. When he looked back he caught his extremely hairy and ugly neighbor one house over in the middle of taking a dump instead.

Uranus was discovered 80 years later in 1861 by a tribe of primitive New Guineans as they practiced their age old tradition of colon cleansing. As they were using a hollowed out log and a highly reflective container filled with water they discovered by looking through it that it magnified the view of Uranus. And as a result they inadvertently created their first telescope, a device that up until then had not been known outside developing countries.

In order to clarify other incorrect ideas not mentioned above, here are some additional fun facts about Uranus:

  • Uranus has been visited by only one spacecraft, Voyager 2 on Jan. 24, 1986.
  • Like the other gas planets, Uranus has rings around it and has bands of clouds that blow around rapidly.
  • Uranus' atmosphere is composed of methane, hydrogen, and helium. Consequently Uranus sounds like a chipmunk when it talks.
  • Uranus' blue color is the result of absorption of red light by methane in the upper atmosphere.
  • There are 15 moons of various sizes around Uranus, and it is likely that there are several more tiny satellites within the rings themselves. Some of them about the size of large beach balls. Frankly, no one knows exactly what lies within the rings surrounding Uranus. Because they haven't been able to get close enough.

+++Uranus facts and information courtesy of Seymour Butts, geek and astrophysicist extraordinaire.

Uranus needs members now. Are YOU ready to rise up and Occupy Uranus? You, the 99 percent, are the buttress and pillars of their foundation.

Dadgumit*! Spread Uranus LOLidarity by submitting your own thoughts on Occupy Uranus' wall today! Viva La Revulsion!

*FYI: Dad-GUM (e.g. "dad gum it!" a term describing mild annoyance and "dad-gum" the unknown physical substance from which the term is derived). Dad-gum is composed of substances with misunderstood or improperly cataloged properties. Some people believe it has its origins in outer space, while others contend that it's man-made.

The mysterious dad-gum matter has been studied with great consternation. Natural or synthetic -- no one really knows. The great physicist and mime Dr. Ernst ze Provocateur believes that dad-gum is composed entirely of dark matter from Uranus. The scientific community and the world at large have yet to learn exactly what dad-gum is. But, like Dr. Provocateur, we believe that it is in fact from Uranus.

Dad-gum has multiple applications. It may be the answer to all the problems facing humankind, such as poverty, hunger, Justin Bieber, and it might even provide a cure for cancer. The future is bright, comrades. Keep the faith. -----This message has been approved by #OccupyUranus 2011

yoda will occupy uranus

Other related links

Twitter: OccupyUranusNow

Masterheathen: Psychocarnival

TheMightyElGavino: Der √úbermensch


klahanie said...

And I know you have never recovered when you found out they discovered rings around Uranus.
Of course, the good beings of Pluto are not so upset at having their 'planet' downgraded to a meaningless orb floating aimlessly around the Solar System. They just have to look up at the always night sky and have a good laugh at Uranus, occupied or not.
And worse still, some folks have occupied the hallowed grounds of St. Paul's Cathedral....

Gorilla Bananas said...

The atmosphere of Uranus sounds pretty farty to me. Has anyone smelled it?

Static said...

@ klahanie: Plutonians are pot-heads who wouldn't know the difference if it was spelled out for them in their alphabet soup. And the Occupation of St. Paul's has opened up dialogue between Bishop Chartres and investment banker Ken Costa who are planning to engage constructively with the protesters globally - instead of simply attempting to evict them, or let police beat and gas them for "camping out" and being "annoying". So it can't be all bad. But it's all a matter of perspective I guess. Dadgumit.

Static said...

@ Mr. Bananas: I don't know about Uranus, but I hear that Sean Hannity thinks that his shit doesn't stink.

BlackLOG said...

Like the other gas planets, Uranus has rings around it and has bands of clouds that blow around rapidly.
Doesn’t sound like the Uranus that I know and love – Mine is more likely to have the occasional spot rather than rings and suffers bouts of hurricane force wind that I guess are used to disperse any pesky clouds

Static said...

@ BlackLOG: Count yourself one of the lucky ones. Although hurricane force winds can cause quite a bit of damage. So six of one, half dozen of the other. It's kind of like a two-party dominated system: One has cling-ons and irritable bowels, and the other has skid marks and extreme flatulence. Not sure where the win is in that.

BlackLOG said...

I’m voting for the coalition between the cling on marks party and the irritable flatulence party but like all politicians they are basically just different shades of shit.....

Static said...

@ BlackLOG: lol! Yes. EXACTLY! This is why I am running for president. Viva La Revulsion! <3----poot!

Kelly said...

Everyone is welcome to Uranus! Even Glenn Beck has decided to turn the other cheek and Occupy Uranus. And that ever-so-charming Rush Limbaugh wants to squeeze into Uranus, as well, but unfortunately, he's just too fat a fuck to penetrate, successfully.

Oh well. We can always cut the obese dipshit's head off, scoop out the crap inside and use the ginormous skull as a decorative punch bowl at Uranus. That way, he can feel like he's participating and joining us in solidarity. What fun!

Static said...

@ Masterheathen: But Kelly, cutting Limburger's head off wouldn't do much good. It might make some feel better for a moment, but it would be no better than the violence others perpetuate. Do you really want to stoop to their level? Oh, I know.."Kumbaya krap. That'll never work." But I disagree.

Instead, if Limburger were a convert and joined the ranks, I think he would make a good usher - complete with a flashlight, a vest and tie and a little matching hat - directing the way to Uranus. And in this way his contribution would not be in vain; his assistance would be more useful and long-term than what you suggest.

And failing that (or simply for additional shits 'n giggles), considering the challenges he faces occupying Uranus, he could be the first human cannonball in history to be shot from a cannon directly into Uranus. Now I think that suggestion (and solution) is the best yet!

THE SNEE said...

What a relief Static! I might have slipped up, and been rejected by occupy uranus without your insider's tips. heehee

Static said...

@ THE SNEE: Now SNEE here. No one will be rejected, because we welcome one and all. SNEE how we are?

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