Showing posts with label Don't Masturbate To This. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Don't Masturbate To This. Show all posts

Donnie Trump: Busted Skunk

USA, (Miami, FL) -- Donald J. Trump, American businessman, politician, and former president of the United States has used several pseudonyms, including "John Barron" (or "John Baron"), "John Miller" and "David Dennison", the Secret Service has referred to him as "Mogul", and world leaders such as Kim Jong Un have referred to as "Dotard", was indicted today on 37 counts of accusations that the former US president risked US national security, foreign relations, safety of US military and intelligence gathering by removing hundreds of classified documents from the White House. 

Move over Amber Turd, this evening Trump will also be commonly known as Donny the "Phantom Sh*tter", as he is allegedly being held in custody and is facing charges of 14,000 counts of public indecency for defecating in public. 

When questioned, Trump replied with, "Yes, it was I who shat in or on your desks, your public squares, your lobbies, your foyers, your grocery aisles, your bathroom floors, your closets, your sidewalks, in your beds as you slept, and yes, even in your veggie hamberders." Trump frequently used fecal matter as a way of bringing attention to issues he has felt strong about -- such as the 2020 US presidential elections and illegal immigrants. 

Trump, aka the "Phantom Sh*tter", was identified by his trademark signature, "P.S." or "Phantom Sh*tter", always signed at the bottom of every note left behind, scrawled in his own feces either on the wall or floor of the spaces he violated. If convicted, Trump could be facing a sentence of up to 4,800,001 months in jail and a $31.5 trillion dollar fine, or whatever equals the current national debt.

Now Back to Ignoring My Armageddon Anxiety

Stable Genius

Merry Shitmas, Chodes

Black Friday Surprise

Five Shocking Ways To Prevent Malnutrition

'Murican Beauty

The Best Part of the 90s

Make America Trumpalicious Again

RIP Kenny Loggins

The Grapes of Confusion

| Jan. 08, 2015

If confusion is the door that wisdom comes through then what the hell is this? Just so there's no confusion, prepare to be confused. Continue reading for information that will completely blow your mind, but may ultimately frighten you and send you back to your regular routines. May "Bob" have mercy on your souls. Reader discretion is advised.......................................................................................................................

In Memoriam of Jollybags

| Nov. 16, 2014

Dear whomever left a used condom at the end of my driveway,

Please quit leaving your discarded prophylactics lying around for others to see, or possibly have to pickup. It was basically lying in the street, but still. You are disgusting. Did you drop it there because you wanted to leave behind some kind of proof of your conquest? That's an odd thing to do unless you meant it as a message for someone. If I am that someone, well then, I am not sure I understand the message.

Waldo Did It

The evidence against Waldo is overwhelming. The sneaky little bastard.

Happy Easter or something like that

happy easter

They say if you look into it's eyes long enough you can see hell.

Mayan Death Toad Destroys World Today

Friday December 21, 2012 (Krapsody) — In case you didn't get the memo: The world is coming to an end! Over two thousand bazillion years ago the Mayans predicted a giant death toad was going to appear in the sky, it will eat the sun and rays will shoot out of it's eyes destroying the universe as we know it.

Now I know some people are going to want to lick it, but the Mayan Death Toad won't have it. This is no time for last minute wishes or regrets. Too late. There's no escape. Just ask people in time zones ahead of us, like in China or Australia. But you can't because they're all gone! If you have been told that China and all it's people are still there, you're wrong! The cunning Mayan Death Toad knows how to trick people. It's had over two thousand bazillion years to prepare for this moment!

Overly Attached Jesus

My ex is a bit psycho. They just can't understand why I don't like overprotective and clingy.

overly attached jesus
based on Overly Attached Girlfriend @ Know Your Meme


p.s. it's satire. Want to do the world a service? Be tolerant, even of those that are intolerant of you and/or your beliefs. #ToleranceDay

Drama Magnet

Just "LiLo" for a while, Lindsay. Please.

I Understand, You Need Time To Move On

cher auto-tune lols

A Super Bowl Sneak Peek

So, what will you be doing during Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show?

Middle-Aged Loser Laments Over Toe Story

smashed toe story Kickapoo, IL – In this tale a cowboy toe is profoundly threatened and jealous when a fancy spaceman toe supplants him as top toe in an ordinary living room redecorating moment. 1) Cowboy toe pulls strings. 2) Heavy wooden door falls from sky flattening fancy spaceman toe for good. Remember, in this movie no toe gets left behind!

Dawayne Biggins recalls the catastrophe in vivid detail, "This was no ordinary god-smack folks, I done got bitch slapped by the man upstairs. And it went a little bit like this: 'Me: I've been effing 'round with this thing for way too long now, but I'm ALMOST done! God: BOOM! You're done. Me: I think I'll take a break now.'"

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