Showing posts with label Don't Masturbate To This. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Don't Masturbate To This. Show all posts
The Best Part of the 90s
#BestPartOfThe90sWas when they were over. Just kidding. Obviously it was fanny packs.
— Static (@Krapsody) May 20, 2016
The Grapes of Confusion
| Jan. 08, 2015
If confusion is the door that wisdom comes through then what the hell is this? Just so there's no confusion, prepare to be confused. Continue reading for information that will completely blow your mind, but may ultimately frighten you and send you back to your regular routines. May "Bob" have mercy on your souls. Reader discretion is advised.......................................................................................................................
In Memoriam of Jollybags
| Nov. 16, 2014
Dear whomever left a used condom at the end of my driveway,
Please quit leaving your discarded prophylactics lying around for others to see, or possibly have to pickup. It was basically lying in the street, but still. You are disgusting. Did you drop it there because you wanted to leave behind some kind of proof of your conquest? That's an odd thing to do unless you meant it as a message for someone. If I am that someone, well then, I am not sure I understand the message.
Happy Easter or something like that
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They say if you look into it's eyes long enough you can see hell. |
Mayan Death Toad Destroys World Today
Friday December 21, 2012 (Krapsody) — In case you didn't get the memo: The world is coming to an end! Over two thousand bazillion years ago the Mayans predicted a giant death toad was going to appear in the sky, it will eat the sun and rays will shoot out of it's eyes destroying the universe as we know it.
Now I know some people are going to want to lick it, but the Mayan Death Toad won't have it. This is no time for last minute wishes or regrets. Too late. There's no escape. Just ask people in time zones ahead of us, like in China or Australia. But you can't because they're all gone! If you have been told that China and all it's people are still there, you're wrong! The cunning Mayan Death Toad knows how to trick people. It's had over two thousand bazillion years to prepare for this moment!
Overly Attached Jesus
My ex is a bit psycho. They just can't understand why I don't like overprotective and clingy.
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| based on Overly Attached Girlfriend @ Know Your Meme |
#BlasphemyDay
p.s. it's satire. Want to do the world a service? Be tolerant, even of those that are intolerant of you and/or your beliefs. #ToleranceDay
Middle-Aged Loser Laments Over Toe Story
Kickapoo, IL – In this tale a cowboy toe is profoundly threatened and jealous when a fancy spaceman toe supplants him as top toe in an ordinary living room redecorating moment. 1) Cowboy toe pulls strings. 2) Heavy wooden door falls from sky flattening fancy spaceman toe for good. Remember, in this movie no toe gets left behind!
Dawayne Biggins recalls the catastrophe in vivid detail, "This was no ordinary god-smack folks, I done got bitch slapped by the man upstairs. And it went a little bit like this: 'Me: I've been effing 'round with this thing for way too long now, but I'm ALMOST done! God: BOOM! You're done. Me: I think I'll take a break now.'"
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