Showing posts with label funny news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny news. Show all posts

President Trump Blind After Staring at Solar Eclipse

"What on Gawd's green earth is THAT?"

Universal Obamacare on the Mend

Tue. Oct. 8, 2013 (Krapsody) - Late this afternoon the switch to turn the government back on has been flipped. Dems have acknowledged that in order to satiate and reward repubs, they had to provide some incentive to reach an agreement over the Obamacare stand-off.

As part of the deal that has been struck, Obama's much lauded death panels have gotten the green light. As per the agreement, Republicans will get to choose one patient each to die in a trade-off between affordable care and the forceful nature of the socialist empire.

If you did not get the memo, the Federation
will not comply with straightforward answers
to your questions about Obamacare.

Most likely the death panels will begin cutting off life support for persons in vegetative states first, and then slowly begin denying expensive treatments to other individuals on the grounds that treatments are "not medically necessary".

Be prepared to see an increase in medical malpractice as inexperienced interns will cause the health care industry to be flooded with complaints and lawsuits.
Hey, the end . . . always justifies the means, people.

Additionally, placebos will be commonplace as well as unlicensed medical procedures will not only be encouraged, they may be necessary in some circumstances as citizens may have to wait months to get an appointment with their physicians inside the government-required health care juggernaut.

Those needing treatments and procedures to improve their health or save their lives can visit their local bookstore and/or visit e-tailers like Amazon to purchase how-to guides.

Examples of the kinds of specialties you could expect to see on store shelves include "The How-To Guide: Home Anesthesiology", "Self-Appendectomy For Idiots", "Semi-healthy Alternatives to Chemotherapy" and "Neurosurgery For Dummies".

Look for Krapsody's own procedural guide: "How to Perform a Vasectomy in 30 Seconds" available on the web for the low low introductory price of $9.95 plus $3 in "just for the fuck of it" fees.

9 Students to Save the World: No it's Not a Movie

Wed Feb 27, 2008 6:29 pm
Updated: Sun Jun 2, 2013 2:12 pm

Bovine Colons, Earth (Krapsody) - An article published in Technology News at The Engineer online claimed:

Nine students from the Tech-Israel Institute of Technology have developed a model spacecraft for deflecting objects falling from space. The model has been created in response to the asteroid Apophis which scientists believe will collide with Earth in 2036, and was presented at a competition of NASA and the American Institute of Aeronautics and Astronautics. [Read Full Story]

Middle-Aged Loser Laments Over Toe Story

smashed toe story Kickapoo, IL – In this tale a cowboy toe is profoundly threatened and jealous when a fancy spaceman toe supplants him as top toe in an ordinary living room redecorating moment. 1) Cowboy toe pulls strings. 2) Heavy wooden door falls from sky flattening fancy spaceman toe for good. Remember, in this movie no toe gets left behind!

Dawayne Biggins recalls the catastrophe in vivid detail, "This was no ordinary god-smack folks, I done got bitch slapped by the man upstairs. And it went a little bit like this: 'Me: I've been effing 'round with this thing for way too long now, but I'm ALMOST done! God: BOOM! You're done. Me: I think I'll take a break now.'"

Cogito, Ergo Confundo - I Think, Therefore I am Confused

Krapsody Investigative Report

krapsody reporter dubious monkwith Reporter Dubious Monk
Inside Tropical Storm Irene

NEWSFLASH! Everything in New England shut down as Irene was downgraded from a hurricane to a tropical storm. As the storm was overhead, I scurried down to the hurricane barriers in Providence, RI to catch the action but there was none to be found.

For Rent: 4.5 Billion-Year-Old Ball of Fire

Add this image to your website:

*based on a news story involving, Angeles Duran, who lives in Salvaterra do Mino, Spain. She recently laid claim to the sun legally.

According to an AFP article:
"...she now wants to slap a fee on everyone who uses the sun and give half of the proceeds to the Spanish government and 20 percent to the nation's pension fund.

She would dedicate another 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger -- and would keep the remaining 10 percent herself."

Half the proceeds to the government? Really?? 20 percent to the nation's pension fund? And only 10 percent to research, another 10 percent to ending world hunger, and the remaining 10 percent for herself?? altruistic of her.

News on the street is that she will have to adjust the lease to prorate the rent for those days when there have been, or will be, a full or partial solar eclipse.

Additionally, this extends to solar flare activity as well, which disrupts electronics and satellites orbiting our planet. Disruptions in service include cellphone reception and telecommunications transmissions on other technological devices including electrical power.

Lest I forget, a class action lawsuit is in the works: people who have been burnt by the Sun and/or end up with skin cancers are suing Ms. Duran for pain and suffering caused by her celestial body, as well as her responsibility for global warming. Lots of pissed off people I gather. She should be getting bitch slapped with the subpoena as this article is being published. Not such a good idea now, is it, Ms. Duran? 0 percent win. 100 percent FAIL.

Doomsday Alert!

Nostradamus lesser known career
Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:17 pm ET

Stuffed in a trunk (Krapsody) - Hey everybody, it's 10/10/10!!! OMG!!!!! What DOES it mean?!
Maybe this. Or maybe this.

Pfft. OK. Or maybe . . . I predict..nay, I, I BELIEVE (yes that's it) that there's a 10 in 10 chance SOMETHING will happen. There's also a 10 in 10 chance NOTHING will happen! OMG what are the,, WHATEVER??!!

We Can Be Heroes Just For One Day in Basil Marceaux's Time Machine

Steven Slater, the JetBlue flight attendant who probably found one of the most dramatic ways to quit a job ever, is the most famous flight attendant since Vesna Vulovic. Yes, I know. Just click the link and you'll understand. Slater, allegedly cursed out an entire aircraft, grabbed a beer and then exited a plane by deploying the emergency slide suddenly found himself a hero of thousands of people just like him. How does a melodrama, such as this, propel a flight attendant into infamy? It seems losing one's patience isn't all you will lose when flying the friendly skies.

Middle Finger Tired Of Being Overused Cliche Gesture Ends It All

Middle Finger, Vancouver, BC, Canada - The middle finger (also the long finger or bird finger, and usually the longest finger) took his own life today. First responders to the scene say there was no note left behind explaining why middle finger did it. Since this may lead to speculation as to why middle finger ended it all, friends of the deceased say it was probably because middle finger was getting tired of meaning nothing other than "eff you" or "up yours."

A Memory Stick Loaded with Porn Beats a Box Load of Rocks Any Day

jagger thinks this tale is naughty

Looking for a unique gift? A gift that says it all?

This is what you were seeking then. A gift that exudes style with originality - with simplicity. What better way to show that special someone in your life that you care?

What mother doesn't know that their son would be thrilled when they give them a new Nintendo DS for their birthday.

So imagine the confusion a teen boy experiences upon opening up his gift.. only to find a bunch of stones rolled up in a Chinese newspaper in place of the popular handheld.

When Pigs Fly

pigs in zen
I am sick of hearing about the swine flu epidemic!
Krapsody just did the math, and we am not so good (in fact you could say HORRIBLE) at math - but according to "our" calculations: .000003% of the planet's population is infected. I think it's okay to be cautious, but I also think we should be realistic about the threat.

All the ridiculous paranoia and internet buzz over it now.

Drivel that includes:

"How do you think the Swine Flu will affect the USA? I'm guessing not too bad... vote now!"

"It was once said that a black man would be president "when pigs fly" indeed 100 days into Obama's presidency SWINE FLU!"

"How does one steer clear of swine flu? ...GO VEGAN!!!"

"Wash your hands!"

"Avoid people who have the sniffles!"

"Avoid anyone coughing!"

"Cough into your elbow!"

"Avoid people and public places!"

"Don't eat any pork products!"

"Is ham made from pigs?!"

Blah blah blah fercrissakes what a mob of bumbling idiots! Blaming Mexico and pigs. As far as washing hands and coughing or sneezing into your elbow, that's just common sense. Do we really have to be reminded of this? But washing your hands alone isn't going to be enough if the virus spreads via airborne transmission.

It seems to me that if it was as infectious as the CDC, the US Department of Health and the WHO are making it out to be..
the Who say you is infected fool
..then more people have probably been exposed than they are counting on...which I believe more people would have it by now. Since I have every disease known to man..that makes me an expert on infectious diseases.

141 people in the U.S. get swine flu and everyone is wearing masks--millions of people get AIDS and no one wants to wear condoms? What the devil is that all about?

I've read about the media creating mass hysteria, recently even, in my psychology class. I could understand how Orson Wells and the War of the World's radio broadcast in 1938 sent people jumping out of windows in a fit of hysterics. People were paranoid, more impressionable and had access to less information than we do in our era.

Speaking of stupidity and ignorance in the information age, I have to wonder why Russia decided to ban imports of beef and possibly chicken because of swine flu. Does this seem like logical reasoning?

And what about people who have allergies? If they sneeze or cough, are they going to be dragged off to a quarantine camp somewhere for fear they have the dreaded sow sickness?

I get the fact that this could be considered a health threat. For gosh sakes nearly...16 people in Mexico died from it..but Mexico doesn't have the greatest health care system in the world either. Children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems are most at risk. So be sure to pack them all into a biohazard suit until the coast is clear.

Do you know how to tell if you have swine flu? Your tail curls. No seriously, click that link for some advice from a doctor about the poop on swine flu, quit letting others tell you what it is or how it spreads and find out for yourself. edit: so do you have swine flu?

I think ignorance and believing things that just aren't true are the real epidemic. Frankly, poor grammar is a worse epidemic than swine flu in my opinion.

Swine flu's got nothing on good ol' bubonic plague...I'm just sayin'. I think we'll have a vaccine strong enough to combat the swine flu before any epidemic rivals that of the Black Death.

The name the WHO gave it even sucks. Swine Flu. Why not: Hog Virus or Piggy Syndrome? But noooooooooo! They wouldn't listen to me!

Their media circus has led other nations like Egypt to slaughter thousands of pigs, hoping to stop the spread of the disease. In the wake of the "swine flu" hysteria the WHO have created, they've now decided to RENAME the bug.

WHO spokesman Dick Thompson acknowledged that the term "swine flu" was misleading consumers and needlessly causing countries to ban pork products and order the slaughter of pigs, over concerns the agriculture industry and U.N. food agency had expressed.

"Rather than calling this swine flu ... we're going to stick with the technical scientific name H1N1 influenza A," Thompson said.

It's now called, H1N1 Influenza A? Gee, that's a much better name alright...

when swine flu flies

The virus isn't a new one either, as far back as the 70's they discovered the virus in four different forms originating in pigs, but probably mutated at some point and spread with human-to-human contact.

Keep in mind that this virus is infectious up to 48 hours before symptoms appear, so your "well appearing" contacts may actually be infectious. Holding your breath in confined spaces is highly recommended. IF you start turning blue, just continue holding your breath..either way you're screwed pal.

And also keep avoiding pork products. Be sure to wash your hands every five seconds, people will think you are OCD and have you sent off to a rubber room.

Especially since the AP reports a little over an hour ago that the "swine flu" may be less potent than first feared. Feel confused, or stupid now?

It's ironic that people freak out if someone leaves their dog in the car while they buy a quart of milk. But it's ok to lock 5,000 pigs in a confinement center to wallow in their own shit festering with diseases, so close together all they can do is sniff the ass of the pig in front of them.

That's the true face of "the other white meat". What a load of pig shit. The pig has had it rough enough. Lay off them for awhile, ya jerks!

Lastly, health smealth. WHO cares? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Death should not be seen as the end, but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Swine flu is the best thing that ever happened to me. Flights are super cheap because of it. Mexico here I come..I'll be as happy as a pig wallowing in it's own zen!

I'm gonna go get kinky with some swine. See ya when I see ya (or not because I may get H1N1 Influenza A hog virus and spew out my last krap ever)!

Miss Kinky Piggy Tits
Click the image for more Piggy Kink

Also, in another Mexico related news story:

Diners report seeing Virgin Mary in food griddle

In Calexico, California a cook says she saw the likeness of the Virgin Mary on a griddle as it was being cleaned.

Maybe we can all pray to the Virgin Mary griddle that we don't have a swine flu epidemic on our hands and then we'll make some killer pork lard pancakes with it...and a side of bacon.

p.s. Happy Mother's Day
put lipstick on a pig with the swine flu
who said you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig?

Listening to:

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Short Term Meme-ory

you've been tagged In some kind of weird game of "you're it", I've been tagged. It's true. In the spirit of blogging and internet memes, I'd completely forgotten for many months now that I was bestowed with more awards for my handiwork as a blogger than I could shake a sharp pointy stick at.

It's easy to forget things like this when you have near absolute chaos going on in your life, and when said sharp pointy stick has pierced your brain's left frontal lobe because you've tripped over everything in your path.

I'm such a klutz. Good thing I didn't run with the scissors on this occasion.

But gosh, so much has happened in the last six months, such as...

well, sitting around in my underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid stuff to write about.

While it does appear that I must -- as one person has said -- "sit around in [my] underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid [stuff]" -- they were, in fact, correct. How else would I come up with this stupid stuff to write about?

It's a difficult job, and I need lots of brain food (which is where the Cheese Doodles come in.)

Of course when it comes to writing so much stupid stuff, I must inform that it's an ongoing effort, and quite demanding as you could imagine. IMAGINE IT, I say.

I'll give you a moment to visualize me sitting and lying around in my underwear eating Cheese Doodles...trying to come up with stupid stuff to write about...

Y'know honestly, coming up with this much stupid stuff in itself does take LOTS of time and dedication. I publish slightly amusing articles I suppose. My collection of "innocuously humorous ruminations on life, love and dumb stuff" could almost be a full-time job in some respects.

But it's not, thank the stars, because I already have a full-time job and I also go to school full-time and I do have to eat, sleep, and practice good personal hygiene at some point in my career as a stupid stuff writer.

So I can't always take the time to write for your reading pleasure, not that I write for your reading pleasure exclusively. Much too busy to try to do that. If I can chuckle about my musings, then I'm sure others would chuckle about it too. Good 'nuff for me.

To be quite honest, I am also unable to follow the guidelines for acceptance of the following awards. But I accept them anyway!

I am all for spreading the love, but I am way too bow-legged and have too much going on to pass these on to another blogger. Frankly, I think there are a lot of great bloggers out there that deserve these awards, so it wouldn't feel fair to give them to just a few of my favorites.

I prefer to drop comments on my favorite blogger's pages when I can. For me, that's how I show I care. Because I care, just like a kid lost in a candy store...mostly.

The Helping Hand Award First and foremost, I rang in the new year with The Helping Hand Award from Survivor at I DON'T GIVE A BLEEP. According to Survivor, I am a sick, sick man and my humor is irreverent and just plan crazy.

I thank you for your comments and the gesture, Survivor.

I shall visit you at your office one day soon, with a box-full of infomercials you could give a bleep about. Then I will proceed to strip naked and run about your office screaming at the top of my lungs that you touched me inappropriately. What better way to thank a fan?

the brilliante weblog award Tamera Daun of Pentad: Simplifying Life and Love, dropped this award on me back in September. Yes!!! that long ago..I feel like an ass. And my ass thanks you too.

I'm not only brilliant according to this award, I'm brillante!
I'd like to thank the academy, Gawd and all my followers (3 in total). And most of all thank you Pentad, for sticking with me through think 'n thin, sickness and health, forever and ever amen.

The rules for this one were also requiring that I pass it on. Once again, apologies. I just have too much to do. But I thank you all the same.

Coincidentally, Chris Upp of The Lost News also dropped the same award on me back in September. So thank you also Chris! I wish I could return the favor, would you like some Cheese Doodles?

the Arte Y Pico Going back to JULY last year (that's July of 2008 for you folks who may have forgotten it is now 2009), Damo at Angry Clown dropped the Arte Y Pico Award on my foot, which left me with a severe limp, but that's okay since I already had a limp - because of my unusually large club foot!

Oh, I am an ass. Truly, I am. Many apologies for the long and overdue thank yous.

Finally, the brilliant and always funny, Lobo over at Predator Press was so kind as to give me The 2008 Absolute Bestest Incomprehensive Awards Ceremony Ever Held By Predator Press in the History of Humanity! Award.

The 2008 Absolute Bestest Incomprehensive Awards Ceremony Ever Held By Predator Press in the History of Humanity!

However, he didn't really give it to me, I gave it to myself. Well, he said we were all winners when he handed it out last year, and frankly, I was tired of feeling like I was a loser.

But I do have all these fine write-ups to inflate my ego (which is already quite immense despite my self-deprecating remarks.)

I must not suck all that bad for the recognition I have received from such wonderful folks in the blogosphere. But seeings as I haven't recognized the latest awards until now...I guess this means the long rumored all-expenses-paid trip to Vegas isn't forthcoming.

And I guess this also means I should take it as a sign that my career in show business won't be taking off either. My already-small role in "The Lance Armstrong Story" is being trimmed in favor of more shots of a cancerous testicle. And so I bid you adieu until next time.

Bad Holiday Theme Campaigns

This is a story about the ACCCE's Magical Mystery Carbon Storage Adventure! and their Bad Holiday Campaign to promote "clean coal."

ACCCE in recent years has spread its falsehoods on TV, radio, and in print, often spending millions. In 2008, ACCCE’s clean coal campaign reportedly had $50 million to spend on pro-coal, anti-climate initiatives.

And this is the shit they spent it on.

Pantless Trouble in Utah

Mon Oct. 27, 2008

Salt Lake City, Utah (Krapsody) - A woman was escorted from a TRAX train Monday morning after fellow riders reported that she was not wearing any pants. Yes, not wearing any pants.

Around 7:30 a.m., Utah Transit Authority officers bum rushed the woman and escorted her off the train. They proceeded with interrogating her inside a musty janitor closet on a small, uncomfortable wooden chair under a bright lamp at the 5400 South station in Midellanowhere, Utah.

After the officers argued over who was going to play out "good cop, bad cop" and finally "sauntering cop, shimmying cop" roles with the "nekkid" woman, they suddenly realized she was in fact wearing a miniskirt. Her coat was covering the skirt, leading fellow riders to stare at, and their evil gossiping wives to believe she was not wearing anything beneath her waist, said UTA spokesman Harry Ballsack-Slapper (who is a Mormon and has thirteen wives).

After the retarded Nazis interviewed the woman and realized their error, they let her get back on the train and continue her ride, with some psychological scarring and a little less dignity than when she started her trip perhaps.

The moral of the story is to make sure that your fellow passengers don't decide that you aren't wearing pants, even though you are. So maybe you shouldn't wear any just in case you get pulled from a train in Utah. Just be sure to wear a coat that covers that miniskirt you're wearing, because if you were really naked that would be wrong... and disturbing.

Since hardly anything newsworthy happens in Utah other than the usual polygamist prosecution cases, people getting thrown from trains and re-enactments of the Mountain Meadows Massacre of Sept. 11th, 1857, here is an unrelated story; On Thursday, a fire gutted the Salt Lake City, Utah library causing $6.95 worth of damage . . . It could have been worse but someone had the coloring book checked out.

Story taken from The Salt Lake Tribune article, 10/27/08

Zoo Trainer Loses Keys Inside Elephant

Tues Oct. 18, 2008

Monaco, France (Krapsody) - On Saturday at the Monaco Zoo, Alois Schieklgrüber, one of the most famous elephant trainers in Europe, lost his keys to the animal cages inside an elephant. It was a master set, making the situation all the more urgent. An emergency extraction had to be performed. The elephant, Penelope, is said to be out of harms way and is doing well. It is reported that the keys could have caused a "bowel problem", requiring an unconventional method of removal.

I Get a Kick Out of You

Here's a weird one for ya. Feet get a new pedicure treat. A pedicure if you didn't know is a way to improve the appearance of the feet, and their nails. Commonly using a pumice stone to remove dead skin and clipping the nails and filing them all, adding a bit of polish and then a good rub down with some oil.

And if you don't know what a foot is, you have REAL problems.
According to Urban Dictionary
4. foot

Lower extremity, used for walking.

Same thing used to put in someone's ass, because he or she deserved it.
Ok, now that we have that covered.

Do your foot problems got YOU down? Corns, bunions, dry feet, hang nails. Not anymore.

In Alexandria, Virginia, a spa is selling customers time with a tank of water full of fish that gobble up the dead skin off your crusty ass feet.

That's right, you put your feet in the tank and these puckered foot suckers go at it like there's no tomorrow. This certainly is a new approach to pedicures, gone are the days when Mrs. Wong grinds off that nasty callous on your heel with a belt sander.

According to AP 5,000 customers paid up to $50 for the process called Dr. Fish to smooth out their feet. The only drawback is....

"Apparently the fish in the communal tank would sometimes ignore customers to engage in a feeding frenzy on one client who REALLY needed a pedicure."

A feeding frenzy you say? Did they forget to mention what kind of fish these are?

Dr. Fish

Ahhhh, now it all makes sense. One customer exclaimed, "It's spectacular. You go in with feet and legs and you roll out on stumps!"
Best read the fine print next time?

article courtesy of CNBC.COM
Be sure to read the section on the jet powered wheelchair. It's a Darwin Award in the making. Good stuff!

"Holy KWAP!"

Beasts of Burden

Take a moment and inhale a deep breath. Pictured below are two dolphins. Briefly look at the image and determine your stress level according to the indicator located below the photo.

dolphin cow stress test

If you can see both dolphins, then your stress level is within the acceptable range.

If you see anything other than two dolphins, like two star-nosed moles mating with an elephant shrew, a pack of alaskan minks, three dozen flying fish - two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree... then you are either extremely stressed out, on drugs and experiencing hallucinations or you are stark raving mad and in any event you need to take a day off from work.

Do it. Do it now or see if anyone gives a shit if you continue to jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. While you are at it... see how many you can do at a time and if anyone interrupts by telling you to "have a nice day" or "maybe you need to take some time off", tell them you have other plans.

This serene stress level test makes me recall a news article at CNN regarding
Two teenage girls who decided to test 60 samples of seafood. Their tests determined that sushi lovers aren't always getting what they ordered.

[The test [sic] results showed that 25 percent of the girls' samples were mislabeled: half of the restaurant samples and six out of 10 grocery store samples.

In every case, less desirable or cheaper fish was substituted for its more expensive counterpart...]

Hmm, SHOCKING! Not really. Not when you consider that McDonald's beef is a combination of rat and kangaroo meat. True story. I always assumed sushi was simply diced-up dolphins that did not make it through tuna fisher's nets. And as far as McDonald's Filet-O-Fish® is concerned, well I think we can safely say that is where Flipper ended up after his television series flopped (no pun intended).

I hate to think what is in a McChicken sandwich...

Static's World Domination Plan: Awards and Merits

As I watched someone trip over a gummy bear and fall, I rubbed my fingers together all giddily and whispered, "Excellent... everything is going as planned as in my... plan... plan B!"

Then I started chuckling, and when I couldn't hold in my perverse joy any longer, I laughed out loud, "Muahahahaha!!!" Plan B has started. I will rule the world and no one is going to stop ME!

"Hey! Get back to work, what are you doing giggling like a little girl?" -boss.
Oh, right. O_o. *sighs* Damn.

This has been a long time coming. THE KRAPSODY BLOG! - New and improved like botox injections in your arse!(I mean your face) Hey, I am actually popular for once in my life!

Weird isn't it?
It's not like this blog sucks is well written (it is), really funny (it is), written by a genius (it is), or deserves a Nobel Peace Prize (it does).

Enough about me. This is all about the awards and recognition I have received in the past few weeks. So this really is about me after all. Never mind. Let's get on with it, shall we?


The Angry Clown has bestowed me with the Hell Award for Evilness. Edit: Incidentally, I am also a co-author on the site.

According to Angry Clown creator, Damian;

Everyone is making there own awards so i thought i will make one for evilness I haven't seen any around for it and as everybody knows you don't get awarded enough for badness these days, so here it is.
There are only 5 rules you must follow if you win this prize:
  1. You have to show the link of the blog/s that awarded you the HELL AWARD.
  2. You must award this prize to at least 3 other blogs and show there links and names.
  3. The award must be linked back to ANGRY CLOWN
  4. All awards must be deserved.
  5. The rules must be shown with the award.

The names of the thirdysecondlyfirst winning blogs EVAR are...
  1. : Qelqoth from The Cult of Qelqoth if anyone deserves the Hell Award it would be TCOQ very funny reading and lots of useful info on gardening!
  2. : Jeff Mann from Not What It Used To Be an awesomely entertaining newer blog started in June 2008 about Jeff Mann's musings on the krapness of modern life with a dash of rosemary from Qelqoth's garden!
  3. : Julius Bloop from Julius Bloop - Comedy for Weirdos I've been a long time fan of this comedy randomness blog. And Jolene Bloop is hot!
  4. : Ms. Orange Derange from Orange Derange Pronunced: ˈo-ren-jē di-ren-jē. It's one of the best blogs about celebrities and general observational humor I've seen around. Ms. Derange is one talented girl (and hot... hot as a HELL AWARD). Check it out.

(If your worried about this being a "meme" then you would be right but thats all part of being eviiiillllll)


Additionally, Lord Likely of The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely also presented me with an award recently, The Golden Cock of Excellence Award! BEHOLD it's excellence!

Note: not actual size

Many thanks to Lord Likely for even considering this flophouse for such as esteemed honor. If his Lordship and his fandom would care to stop in, I would offer them the best room in the house. The one without all the rats and stained mattresses. So thank you Lord Likely for presenting us your spurting likeness!


And speaking of spurting, Ms. Oranged Deranged made a fantastic video for me! I created the music from some samples that I remixed aeons ago, and she came up with the animation. We plan on doing a version in the very near future that will be even better than this one (if that is possible), so stay tuned for that!

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2


Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2, rough draft #2

Original music by ~Static~

produced and animated at ~Static~'s School of Disembodied Poetics, University of Antarctica.


My long time friends Matthias, The Boy David, Sir Paul of The Arnoldover and sometimes Lord Nevets over at The Snot... The UK's Premier Twisted Satire Source (it's all about the hype y'know) dropped me a line recently that The Snot is back once again! If you didn't know already The Snot is a British satirical website that first surfaced in 2001. The site gained notoriety for being offensive and often containing libelous material. One of the sites best loved features were the 'reporters', whose names were spoonerisms. (Google it)

... The UK's Premier Twisted Satire Source

They went offline in 2006 for nearly two years, if I remember correctly (my memory is horrid; especially when I've been huffing kittens). However, in March 2008, it was decided that The Snot should live again, albeit in simplified and slightly toned down form.
And I am honored that they contacted 'lil ol' me to spread the word. So werd up to yo muthas; yo!


And finally, Chelle B of Offended Blogger added me to a new blog community
Humor Bloggers dot com the #1 social community for humor bloggers and the best directory of humor blogs on the net. A collaborative effort between her, Don "It's a Funny Thing" Lewis and Bee of the infamously funny Bee's Musings.

Humor Bloggers dot com the #1 social community for humor bloggers and the best directory of humor blogs on the net

I feel honored to be a part of their site and hope you will pay them a visit and me some respect by hitting my links at least a thousand times this week. Bettah recognize biatches.
I thank you! I thank you all for being so kind, and gentle (be gentle). Insert more gratuitous and surreal compliments here.


Blow Up Church Full of Hot Air

Thursday August 07, 2008
Article credit: Reuters
ROME - A 30-meter-long blow-up church will be erected on an italian beach near the Adriatic coast. Desperate catholic priests and nuns are following their flock to the the beach and are ready to take confessions, souls need to be saved and the church needs donations.

The question is what kind of confessions are they expecting from beachgoers?

"Forgive me father for I have sinned. I had intimate relations with an inflatable raft/surfboard/jellyfish (insert other inanimate object here for shock value).

OR; Swimsuits don’t look like they’re made anymore—they look like they’re grown in a petri dish. So it may be more like, "Forgive me father. I am wearing a most revealing outfit so that other beachgoers can see my naughty bits and this excites me."

I have to know will the blow-up church have an inflatable organ that can be operated by an organ player adept enough to play spiritual church music without popping the instrument? Will these churches have air conditioning? Will there be pews?
Are the priests and nuns going to wear their black colored, fully garbed habits to the beaches? My gawd, I think they may suffer heatstroke! It will be a complete nightmare of catholic guilt!

I can now clearly see that this bright idea will ultimately...

blow up church fail

This reminds me of a joke.

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted.

The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!"

Internets LOL!

If They Were Called...

What if Michael Jacksons songs had "in my pants" added to the end of them?
Well, that's just what Krapsody has answered!

Oh golly, these are BAD (no pun intended)...

P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Just Good Friends in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Another Part Of Me in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Man In The Mirror in my pants [Michael Jackson]
I Just Can't Stop Loving You in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Give In To Me in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Will You Be There in my pants [Michael Jackson]
The Man in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Who Is It in my pants [Michael Jackson]
In The Closet in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Is It Scary in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Scream in my pants [Michael Jackson]
They Don't Care About Us in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Stranger In Moscow in my pants [Michael Jackson]
This Time Around in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Money in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Come Together in my pants [Michael Jackson]
You Are Not Alone in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Childhood in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Tabloid Junkie in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Little Susie in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Whatever Happens in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Heartbreaker in my pants [Michael Jackson]
The Way You Love Me in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Butterflies in my pants [Michael Jackson]
2000 Watts in my pants [Michael Jackson]
One More Chance in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Love Never Felt So Good in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Trouble in my pants [Michael Jackson]
The Lost Children in my pants [Michael Jackson]
Smooth Criminal in my pants [Michael Jackson]

Anyone else notice a pattern in his songs?... creepy, it's almost like they were meant to be titled that way.

In other MJ news;
MJ in an interview last week with Krapsody reporter, Willy Whacker, asked Michael about his scandals and gave us these snippets, "I asked Michael if he still slept with children. Michael sighed wistfully and once again stated he no longer has children sleep in his room. 'However', Michael said, 'that doesn't mean I can't have children sleep with me in the family room, the den, the kitchen, the hallways, the stairs, the entertainment room, and of course....the bathroom! Heeheeehee!' He gleefully giggled, just before his nose fell off."

And in yet more MJ news;
Jacko bought a time machine yesterday and traveled back to 1973 where he cornered a young Michael Jackson and persuaded the boy into giving himself, the King Of Pop a hummer!

"Hum Along And Dance in my pants"

Man, MJ still has alot of explainin' to do.

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