Showing posts with label links. Show all posts
Showing posts with label links. Show all posts

Short Term Meme-ory

you've been tagged In some kind of weird game of "you're it", I've been tagged. It's true. In the spirit of blogging and internet memes, I'd completely forgotten for many months now that I was bestowed with more awards for my handiwork as a blogger than I could shake a sharp pointy stick at.

It's easy to forget things like this when you have near absolute chaos going on in your life, and when said sharp pointy stick has pierced your brain's left frontal lobe because you've tripped over everything in your path.

I'm such a klutz. Good thing I didn't run with the scissors on this occasion.

But gosh, so much has happened in the last six months, such as...

well, sitting around in my underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid stuff to write about.

While it does appear that I must -- as one person has said -- "sit around in [my] underwear all day eating Cheese Doodles and thinking up stupid [stuff]" -- they were, in fact, correct. How else would I come up with this stupid stuff to write about?

It's a difficult job, and I need lots of brain food (which is where the Cheese Doodles come in.)

Of course when it comes to writing so much stupid stuff, I must inform that it's an ongoing effort, and quite demanding as you could imagine. IMAGINE IT, I say.

I'll give you a moment to visualize me sitting and lying around in my underwear eating Cheese Doodles...trying to come up with stupid stuff to write about...

Y'know honestly, coming up with this much stupid stuff in itself does take LOTS of time and dedication. I publish slightly amusing articles I suppose. My collection of "innocuously humorous ruminations on life, love and dumb stuff" could almost be a full-time job in some respects.

But it's not, thank the stars, because I already have a full-time job and I also go to school full-time and I do have to eat, sleep, and practice good personal hygiene at some point in my career as a stupid stuff writer.

So I can't always take the time to write for your reading pleasure, not that I write for your reading pleasure exclusively. Much too busy to try to do that. If I can chuckle about my musings, then I'm sure others would chuckle about it too. Good 'nuff for me.

To be quite honest, I am also unable to follow the guidelines for acceptance of the following awards. But I accept them anyway!

I am all for spreading the love, but I am way too bow-legged and have too much going on to pass these on to another blogger. Frankly, I think there are a lot of great bloggers out there that deserve these awards, so it wouldn't feel fair to give them to just a few of my favorites.

I prefer to drop comments on my favorite blogger's pages when I can. For me, that's how I show I care. Because I care, just like a kid lost in a candy store...mostly.

The Helping Hand Award First and foremost, I rang in the new year with The Helping Hand Award from Survivor at I DON'T GIVE A BLEEP. According to Survivor, I am a sick, sick man and my humor is irreverent and just plan crazy.

I thank you for your comments and the gesture, Survivor.

I shall visit you at your office one day soon, with a box-full of infomercials you could give a bleep about. Then I will proceed to strip naked and run about your office screaming at the top of my lungs that you touched me inappropriately. What better way to thank a fan?

the brilliante weblog award Tamera Daun of Pentad: Simplifying Life and Love, dropped this award on me back in September. Yes!!! that long ago..I feel like an ass. And my ass thanks you too.

I'm not only brilliant according to this award, I'm brillante!
I'd like to thank the academy, Gawd and all my followers (3 in total). And most of all thank you Pentad, for sticking with me through think 'n thin, sickness and health, forever and ever amen.

The rules for this one were also requiring that I pass it on. Once again, apologies. I just have too much to do. But I thank you all the same.

Coincidentally, Chris Upp of The Lost News also dropped the same award on me back in September. So thank you also Chris! I wish I could return the favor, would you like some Cheese Doodles?

the Arte Y Pico Going back to JULY last year (that's July of 2008 for you folks who may have forgotten it is now 2009), Damo at Angry Clown dropped the Arte Y Pico Award on my foot, which left me with a severe limp, but that's okay since I already had a limp - because of my unusually large club foot!

Oh, I am an ass. Truly, I am. Many apologies for the long and overdue thank yous.

Finally, the brilliant and always funny, Lobo over at Predator Press was so kind as to give me The 2008 Absolute Bestest Incomprehensive Awards Ceremony Ever Held By Predator Press in the History of Humanity! Award.

The 2008 Absolute Bestest Incomprehensive Awards Ceremony Ever Held By Predator Press in the History of Humanity!

However, he didn't really give it to me, I gave it to myself. Well, he said we were all winners when he handed it out last year, and frankly, I was tired of feeling like I was a loser.

But I do have all these fine write-ups to inflate my ego (which is already quite immense despite my self-deprecating remarks.)

I must not suck all that bad for the recognition I have received from such wonderful folks in the blogosphere. But seeings as I haven't recognized the latest awards until now...I guess this means the long rumored all-expenses-paid trip to Vegas isn't forthcoming.

And I guess this also means I should take it as a sign that my career in show business won't be taking off either. My already-small role in "The Lance Armstrong Story" is being trimmed in favor of more shots of a cancerous testicle. And so I bid you adieu until next time.

Higher Than a Giraffe's Ass

"The search for wisdom is a great challenge; to act on wisdom is an even greater challenge."
- Jagadguru Siddhaswarupananda Paramahamsa

What does the term "higher than a giraffe's ass" mean? It 's when someone is really high (on life... or drugs.)

The Big Sleep Doesn't Include Getting Any Z's

charlie chaplin can't be arsed
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Sir Winston Churchill

I always end up having a wealth of useless information at my disposal. I am quite thorough and meticulous in learning new things. It's a compulsion I suppose, so I end up with tons of trivial information in my head as a result.

It sometimes makes for great conversation if you end up finding someone who has the same interests. Some people are amazed, like, "how do you know that?" to which I respond, "I have a wealth of useless information right here (pointing to my head.)"

To others I'm sure it's annoying. Like a mosquito buzzing in your ear, or an itch you can't scratch. Well, tough titty said the kitty.

Even when I get bored, but especially when I do get bored, I continue the quest for interesting information (useless of course), so I routinely end up face to face with internet memes. It's a curse I tells ya. A CURSE!

Want to know what kinds of death and destruction occurred on your birth date? It's pretty shocking. And all this time I thought my birthday was boring except that it's John The Baptist's birthday celebration for the Catholic church. Interestingly enough, this may explain why I have the overwhelming urge to drown people. Especially when they are annoying me.

toilet drowning swirly from hell
In speaking of Jesus, John said: 
"I have baptized you with water, but he will baptize you with the holy spirit.
Behold the Lamb of Gawd."

crazy preacher

Praise Jeebus! Sorry a bit off-topic there. Nothing new right?

Back to my point of providing you with utterly useless information.

Approximately 131,581 people died worldwide on June 24, 1971.

Unusual Deaths in 1971

* Jerome Irving Rodale, an american pioneer of organic farming, died of a heart attack while being interviewed on the Dick Cavett Show. According to urban legend, when he appeared to fall asleep, Cavett quipped "are we boring you, Mr. Rodale?", which Cavett has recently stated in a may 2007 new york times article was incorrect - the initial reaction to Rodale was fellow guest Pete Hamill noticing something was wrong, and saying in a low voice to Cavett, "this looks bad." The show was never broadcast.

Natural disasters in 1971

* 1971 San Fernando earthquake
* 1971 Canberra flood
* 1971 Kuala Lumpur floods

People who died on June 24 (various years)

* 2007 - Natasja Saad, Danish reggae and dancehall artist
* 2007 - Derek Dougan, Northern Irish footballer
* 2007 - Chris Benoit, Canadian professional wrestler
* 2007 - Byron Baer, American politician
* 2006 - Patsy Ramsey, mother of JonBenét Ramsey
* 2005 - Hakham Yedidia Shofet, Former chief rabbi of Iran
* 2005 - Paul Winchell, American voice actor and ventriloquist
* 2004 - Ifigeneia Giannopoulou, Greek songwriter
* 2003 - Vladimir Garin, Russian actor
* 2002 - Pierre Werner, Prime Minister of Luxembourg
* 2000 - David Tomlinson, English actor
* 2000 - Vera Atkins, Romanian-born British intelligence officer
* 1997 - Brian Keith, American actor
* 1997 - Don Hutson, American athlete
* 1993 - Archie Williams, American athlete
* 1991 - Rufino Tamayo, Mexican painter.
* 1987 - Jackie Gleason, American actor and musician
* 1984 - Clarence Campbell, Canadian NHL president
* 1978 - Robert Charroux, French writer
* 1977 - André-Gilles Fortin, French Canadian politician
* 1968 - Tony Hancock, British comedian
* 1947 - Emil Seidel, Mayor of Milwaukee, Wisconsin
* 1935 - Carlos Gardel, Argentine singer (airplane crash)
* 1922 - Walther Rathenau, German Minister of Foreign Affairs (assassinated)
* 1909 - Sarah Orne Jewett, American writer
* 1908 - Grover Cleveland, President of the United States (heart failure)
* 1894 - Marie François Sadi Carnot, French statesman
* 1835 - Andreas Vokos Miaoulis, Greek admiral and politician, commander of Greek naval forces in Greek War of Independence
* 1817 - Thomas McKean, American lawyer and signer of the Declaration of Independence
* 1803 - Matthew Thornton, American signer of the Declaration of Independence
* 1778 - Pieter Burmann the Younger, Dutch philologist
* 1766 - Adrien-Maurice, 3rd duc de Noailles, French soldier
* 1643 - John Hampden, English politician
* 1637 - Nicolas-Claude Fabri de Peiresc, French astronomer
* 1604 - Edward de Vere, 17th Earl of Oxford, Lord Great Chamberlain of England
* 1520 - Hosokawa Sumimoto, Japanese samurai commander
* 1519 - Lucrezia Borgia, Duchess of Ferrara
* 1439 - Duke Frederick IV of Austria
* 1398 - Hongwu Emperor of China
* 803 - Higbald of Lindisfarne

Who would have known all of that?
I hate to sound morbid again in this post. It's not like I'm a total goth like this dude:

so goth i shit bats
it's true Glenn Danzig shits bats!!!!!!

However, experiencing death once again in my life leads me to ponder my own mortality. I don't know about you, but I want to go out with a bang!


jj sayz dynomite bitches

Maybe I'll kick the bucket on YOUR birthday...but don't count on it anytime soon.

What's your Death Report?

The Psychedelic Voodoo Lounge On Acid

"Turn On, Tune In, Drop Veg Out" man.

Stat Hendrix jams on stage with a fender stratocaster by ~Static~

People come to Krapsody for strange facts, weird tidbits and useless information. And so here's a bit more of that for ya.

You are in luck friends. Thanks to who compiled all the oddities the furniture making world has to offer, now you too can have a Meat Mirror!

meat mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the meatiest of them all? Mmm, STEAKY. I like mine medium rare to well done with a side of mashed potates and gravy and wow suddenly I am like getting hungry and stuff.

OR how about that Armadillo Shell Lamp you've always wanted?

armadillo shell lamp

That's like a gag gift you give to your in-laws who have all that cheesy southwestern decor in their home. But then they love your gift so much they encourage all those cheesy friends of theirs that live on their block who have the same exact decor to buy one too.

Which leads me to present... the Cactus Couch! You just can't beat this prickly addition in your livingroom for those quiet cozy evenings at home in front of the fire or the t.v. set. Comes with a handy first aid kit. Can you say, "pass the tweezers, please"?

cactus couch
(This should be your in-law back up gag gift).

Not weird enough? How about these then.

bookcases from alice in dumpsterland
table piss

You know you really have to have a sense of humor to own the table that looks like it's answering the call of mother nature on your floor.

If you have your living space covered then how about a new bathroom fixture?

I just shat 20 goldfish

I've always wanted that uncomfortable "feel like I'm being watched while I take a dump" sensation. Thanks to the manufacturer of this modern miracle now I can.

I just shat 20 goldfish. Hmm... wonder how THAT happened.

And if you're homeless, I'm sorry but there are no psychedelic boxes to choose from yet. But I'm sure the distributors of these fine articles may go that route when they start shipping these out in mass quantities (which will likely be never). But if you're homeless you probably don't have a computer, so you won't read this and consequently aren't missing out on anything.

 Let me leave you all with a psychesqualidelic song.

Edit: Song credit 'Purple Veins' by The Jimi Homeless Experience

Static's World Domination Plan: Awards and Merits

As I watched someone trip over a gummy bear and fall, I rubbed my fingers together all giddily and whispered, "Excellent... everything is going as planned as in my... plan... plan B!"

Then I started chuckling, and when I couldn't hold in my perverse joy any longer, I laughed out loud, "Muahahahaha!!!" Plan B has started. I will rule the world and no one is going to stop ME!

"Hey! Get back to work, what are you doing giggling like a little girl?" -boss.
Oh, right. O_o. *sighs* Damn.

This has been a long time coming. THE KRAPSODY BLOG! - New and improved like botox injections in your arse!(I mean your face) Hey, I am actually popular for once in my life!

Weird isn't it?
It's not like this blog sucks is well written (it is), really funny (it is), written by a genius (it is), or deserves a Nobel Peace Prize (it does).

Enough about me. This is all about the awards and recognition I have received in the past few weeks. So this really is about me after all. Never mind. Let's get on with it, shall we?


The Angry Clown has bestowed me with the Hell Award for Evilness. Edit: Incidentally, I am also a co-author on the site.

According to Angry Clown creator, Damian;

Everyone is making there own awards so i thought i will make one for evilness I haven't seen any around for it and as everybody knows you don't get awarded enough for badness these days, so here it is.
There are only 5 rules you must follow if you win this prize:
  1. You have to show the link of the blog/s that awarded you the HELL AWARD.
  2. You must award this prize to at least 3 other blogs and show there links and names.
  3. The award must be linked back to ANGRY CLOWN
  4. All awards must be deserved.
  5. The rules must be shown with the award.

The names of the thirdysecondlyfirst winning blogs EVAR are...
  1. : Qelqoth from The Cult of Qelqoth if anyone deserves the Hell Award it would be TCOQ very funny reading and lots of useful info on gardening!
  2. : Jeff Mann from Not What It Used To Be an awesomely entertaining newer blog started in June 2008 about Jeff Mann's musings on the krapness of modern life with a dash of rosemary from Qelqoth's garden!
  3. : Julius Bloop from Julius Bloop - Comedy for Weirdos I've been a long time fan of this comedy randomness blog. And Jolene Bloop is hot!
  4. : Ms. Orange Derange from Orange Derange Pronunced: ˈo-ren-jē di-ren-jē. It's one of the best blogs about celebrities and general observational humor I've seen around. Ms. Derange is one talented girl (and hot... hot as a HELL AWARD). Check it out.

(If your worried about this being a "meme" then you would be right but thats all part of being eviiiillllll)


Additionally, Lord Likely of The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely also presented me with an award recently, The Golden Cock of Excellence Award! BEHOLD it's excellence!

Note: not actual size

Many thanks to Lord Likely for even considering this flophouse for such as esteemed honor. If his Lordship and his fandom would care to stop in, I would offer them the best room in the house. The one without all the rats and stained mattresses. So thank you Lord Likely for presenting us your spurting likeness!


And speaking of spurting, Ms. Oranged Deranged made a fantastic video for me! I created the music from some samples that I remixed aeons ago, and she came up with the animation. We plan on doing a version in the very near future that will be even better than this one (if that is possible), so stay tuned for that!

Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2


Deconstructing ~Static~ Brainstorming Session #2, rough draft #2

Original music by ~Static~

produced and animated at ~Static~'s School of Disembodied Poetics, University of Antarctica.


My long time friends Matthias, The Boy David, Sir Paul of The Arnoldover and sometimes Lord Nevets over at The Snot... The UK's Premier Twisted Satire Source (it's all about the hype y'know) dropped me a line recently that The Snot is back once again! If you didn't know already The Snot is a British satirical website that first surfaced in 2001. The site gained notoriety for being offensive and often containing libelous material. One of the sites best loved features were the 'reporters', whose names were spoonerisms. (Google it)

... The UK's Premier Twisted Satire Source

They went offline in 2006 for nearly two years, if I remember correctly (my memory is horrid; especially when I've been huffing kittens). However, in March 2008, it was decided that The Snot should live again, albeit in simplified and slightly toned down form.
And I am honored that they contacted 'lil ol' me to spread the word. So werd up to yo muthas; yo!


And finally, Chelle B of Offended Blogger added me to a new blog community
Humor Bloggers dot com the #1 social community for humor bloggers and the best directory of humor blogs on the net. A collaborative effort between her, Don "It's a Funny Thing" Lewis and Bee of the infamously funny Bee's Musings.

Humor Bloggers dot com the #1 social community for humor bloggers and the best directory of humor blogs on the net

I feel honored to be a part of their site and hope you will pay them a visit and me some respect by hitting my links at least a thousand times this week. Bettah recognize biatches.
I thank you! I thank you all for being so kind, and gentle (be gentle). Insert more gratuitous and surreal compliments here.


Crabs Only Itch When You're Angry... like a clown

While The Angry Dolphin peeps on Slave crabs slaving away in the evil crab slave volcano, I had a wild thought and a wild moment with my clown.

So on this particular evening when I was alone and playing with my clown, suddenly I heard a knock at the door. I cleaned up quickly, quicker than I ever had before and hurried to see who was there. Why it was my good friends Buffy, Willow, and their friend Riley, and their friends friends Anya, Xander and Giles!

How to Get Revenge On Construction Workers

Ladies! Tired of getting squawked at when you walk by a construction site? Well now you can get your revenge...

Warning: Possibly NSFW

Chick Gets Revenge On Construction Workers - Watch more free videos

1 part frustration
1 part attitude
1 part pre-op transexual


Mythical Beasts are Whale Penis

Since my last post, I have successfully escaped the terrors of Guantanamo Bay! After sneaking out during nappy time, I was able to swipe a couple of Power Bars, a snorkel, escape on foot, and then I swam all the way back to the states.

Along the way I was er... ummm..."harassed" by a sperm whale. He was obviously interested in what I was all about - swimming like a retarded Aquaman out in the open ocean like some freakish junk was all egging him on and stuff. Anyway this encounter got me to thinking about another subject of interest.

Several years ago a group of authors in the Archives of Natural History put forth the hypothesis that tales and sightings of sea serpents from yore (including the Loch Ness monster) might actually have been - or probably are - male whales in a state of arousal. Yes, the theory is that it's possible that what sailors or common citizens have seen - all those alleged sea serpent sightings - are actually..whale penises (also called dorks).

You be the judge...

¡Mi Asno Duele. Ay Caramba!

¿Que pasa, por qué esta reacción? ¡Mi Asno Duele. Ay Caramba!
(That passes, why this reaction? My Burro Hurts. Oh Heck!)

I swear it seems people are so easily offended anymore, by people I am referring to Americans, because it's often implied by many Americans that Americans are the only people on the planet. I think I can safely say so, since I am American, and amongst the many things America stands for, one would be freedom of speech...but hold on, let me just barricade the door, I see a crowd gathering outside already...hold on one sec.

What in the Hell is this Post About?

And now for some additions to the world unsurpassed accomplishments of 'What the hell?'

Submariner Blow-up Doll Fetish

Japanese Anal Warfare
As to what exactly is going on here, a little help please! This is obviously some kind of instruction manual, but I am somewhat confused as to what for. It appears to be Japanese (correct me if I'm wrong). Maybe it's instructions for some kind of weird WWII submarine drill kamikaze style or a cartoon about blow-up doll love-making techniques - kamikaze style? Maybe it's a recipe for making teriyaki chicken? All I know is Hiro-san must have been hitting the sake a bit hard when he thrust his blow-up doll's ass out a vent to moon the fish. Not exactly a moment of pride for the Japanese Navy, eh? Yeah, and when the sub took on too much water he wasn't feeling so cocky (no pun intended) then I bet.

Strangest Thing To Do With One's Nipples

Meet the man who cut off his nipples, and turned them into earrings. Because he could. John Blake says the experience was "interesting". Hating the sensation of his nipples being there, John had the chance for them to be removed, and he took it.

That opportunity came after he saw someone on the internet that had branded his nipples off. John didn’t like the idea of branding, though, and had his sliced off instead. Oh joy! Howie @ apparently did the procedure, and afterwards John couldn’t bear to throw them away. So why feed them to the birds, what better thing to do than to wear them in his ears?

Once the no longer offensive nipples were removed, John kept them in his freezer until they turned into nipplicles , eventually thawed the nipplicles out, and let them dry so there wasn’t any moisture in them and then put a little resin in the bottom of some steel tunnels that he already wore in his lobes. Then he let it dry, chucked his nipples in, filled up the tunnels and let it dry overnight. Then, bingo, they were done.

If this wasn't strange enough, next he’s planning to get his navel removed (if he can find someone willing to do it and god knows where he is going to wear that) and has a tentative plan to swap part of his finger with someone else's. I'm surprised he didn't think to swap his ears with his nipples, then he can have his pierced ears with the resin cast nipples in them on his CHEST. What a treat! Article excerpts courtesy Bizarre Magazine UK.

The CIA World Factbook

The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) is an independent US Government agency responsible for providing national security intelligence to senior US policymakers. This also includes a publication available for anyone to view called The World Factbook updated annually. In the Economy category, three fields have been added that focus on capital stocks and investment. They are "Stock of direct foreign investment - at home," "Stock of direct foreign investment - abroad," and "Market value of publicly traded shares." The CIA's World Factbook has a page on each country's current account balance. I can only assume to categorize which countries can be a threat to the CIA. Search for the United States on the page. It's there. After you find it, try to give it a few moments to sink in. Absorb the information and take it in context. See it in perspective and imagine. And these are just trade balances. I don't know about you but I think I'll be calling up China or even Canada the next time I want to party or need a loan. I'm not surprised who's last and I'm not surprised who's first either. What does shock me however, is that Canada is in the top 20.

Top 10 Most Bizarre Videos

I selected 'The Cut Ups' as the most maddening of the bunch, a collaborative film work of William Burroughs and Anthony Balch, which brings to cinema an extension of Burroughs' literary cut-up technique. After the first few "Yes and Hellos" you can understand why I'd want my 3 minutes and 13 seconds back. At least I am not subjecting you to the full 20 minute film. Yes? Hello!

Dr. Goode's Virtual Therapy

Online therapy for the internet addicted hostile personality in you. Dr. Goode will not prescribe more happy pills and send you on your glassy eyed way, nope, she'll be brutally honest with you. Let the healing begin.

Apparently I am broken and can't be fixed. YAY!

Possibly Most Vague Street Sign Ever

Hey, I don't know about you but I like blowing my own horn on occasion. That is unless someone else is doing it for me. And I'll be damned if I can't blow my own horn anytime, anywhere I want. But especially if there is danger present. Maybe I'll blow it just a bit to see if anyone notices. Then blow some more just to make sure the horn still works. Maybe a third time to see if the fire brigade arrives. Why does this remind me of the fable 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' all of a sudden?

Behold the Power of the Internet

A Jacksonville, Oregon man was the victim of terrorism, or perhaps a personal
vendetta or maybe just a cruel prank when belongings were stolen from his property in such a way that he has little chance of getting much of it back.

Police say the belongings were removed a day after a pair of hoax ads appeared on Craigslist. The ads popped up Saturday afternoon, saying the owner of the Jacksonville home was forced to leave the area suddenly and his belongings, including a horse, were free for the taking.

Man Marries Dog To Lift Curse

We have all heard the 'man bites dog' stories, but how about a real-life 'man marries dog' tale?! This one takes the biscuit, and it could only happen in India, the land of the Kama Sutra.

But you won't find this kind of love story between man and beast in the ancient Indian sex manual. It took place for real during a traditional hindu ceremony at a temple in the southern state of Tamil Nadu. The groom in question was a 33-year-old Indian farmer named Selvakumar, and he was wed to a female dog named Selvi.

He married his four legged bitch to atone for stoning two other dogs to death and stringing them up in a tree 15 years ago. He believed the act cursed him and he had been suffering ever since, he told the Hindustan Times. After he stoned the dogs he said his legs and hands got paralysed, he lost hearing in one ear, and his speech was impaired. With doctors unable to help him, Selvakumar turned to an astrologer who told him he was cursed by the spirits of the dogs he had killed.

He could undo the curse only if he married a dog and live with it, the soothsayer warned. Family members chose a stray female dog who was then bathed and clothed for the wedding occasion. Selvi the bride was brought to the temple by village women and a Hindu priest conducted the ceremony.

The paper showed a picture of Selvakumar sitting next to his canine bride, which was adorned in an orange sari and flower garland. The paper said the groom and his family then had a feast, while the dog got a bun.

It was reported that Selvi attempted to make a bolt for it -- apparently due to the big crowds -- but she was tracked down and returned to her new 'husband'. "The dog is only for lifting the curse and after that, he plans to get a real bride," a friend of the groom said.

Deeply superstitious people in rural India sometimes organize weddings to dogs and other animals, believing it can beat certain curses. Wow, talk about crime and punishment.

April Fools Requires Disclaimer

Happy April Fools!
April Fools' Day has gotta be one of the best holidays. You get to play nasty pranks and practical jokes on people - and get away with it! It's one of my favorite holidays, but I bet you already knew that.

So let's commence the celebration and have a look at some great April Fool's Day hoaxes in history.

Man Flies By Own Lung Power
In 1934 many American newspapers, including The New York Times, printed a photograph of a man flying through the air by means of a device powered only by the breath from his lungs. Accompanying articles excitedly described this miraculous new invention. The man, identified as German pilot Erich Kocher, blew into a box on his chest. This activated rotors that created a powerful suction effect, lifting him aloft. Skis on his feet served as landing gear, and a tail fin allowed him to steer. What the American papers didn't realize was that the "lung-power motor" was a joke. The photo had first appeared in the April Fool's Day edition of the Berliner Illustrirte Zeitung. It made its way to America thanks to Hearst's International News Photo agency which not only fell for the hoax but also distributed it to all its U.S. subscribers. In the original Berliner Illustrirte Zeitung article, the pilot's name was spelled "Erich Koycher," which was a pun on the German word "keuchen," meaning to puff or wheeze.

Planetary Alignment Decreases Gravityplanetary alignment decreases gravity
In 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

The Taco Liberty Belltaco liberty bell
In 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell was housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed, a few hours later, that it was all a practical joke. The best line of the day came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale. Thinking on his feet, he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold. It would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

UFO Lands in Londonufo lands in london
Branson's UFO Balloon On March 31, 1989 thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. The stunt combined his passion for ballooning with his love of pranks. His plan was to land the craft in London's Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.

The Eruption of Mount EdgecumbeEruption of Mount Edgecumbe Hoax
In 1974 residents of Sitka, Alaska were alarmed when the long-dormant volcano neighboring them, Mount Edgecumbe, suddenly began to belch out billows of black smoke. People spilled out of their homes onto the streets to gaze up at the volcano, terrified that it was active again and might soon erupt. Luckily it turned out that man, not nature, was responsible for the smoke. A local practical joker named Porky Bickar had flown hundreds of old tires into the volcano's crater and then lit them on fire, all in a (successful) attempt to fool the city dwellers into believing that the volcano was stirring to life. According to local legend, when Mount St. Helens erupted six years later, a Sitka resident wrote to Bickar to tell him, "This time you've gone too far!"

These are mere examples of April's Fools Day public nuisances. There's plenty more to read about in the Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes Of All Time.

I'd also like to point out that today I have updated the Krapsody Disclaimer to include information for those netizens who may have read it before, but may need a refresher and for you, yes you, who probably haven't read it yet.

This is not a hoax or a practical joke. It appears a few monstrously lascivious malefactors and malingering, small-minded curses on society have actually carried out my advice to cover themselves in honey and headbutt a beehive and then attempt to molest peg-legged sailors. There is nothing I'd like more than for them to continue that actually. But at the advice of their lawyers (since I cannot afford my own, one of them showed up on my doorstep the other day, an indescribably uncivilized dreck and a demented, disease-ridden gruesome vista to all eyes assaulted by the sight of him, just as most lawyers are) I now have to make sure that I post a Disclaimer available in plain sight so all the sue happy gits don't get their latex shorts all up in a twist and wind up putting me in the poor house for their poor judgement. I mean the poorer poor house, since I'm already poor. Would that be the dog house?

Anyway, you can find the Disclaimer link at the bottom of the page... what am I saying? I know you're all too lazy for that. Clinkity click on the Disclaimer seal below and have a thorough read or I will have all of New York city's foul taxi-drivers squat in your beds. As I said this is not a hoax or a practical joke, no it's not, please don't make me repeat myself. Thank you. Until next time, go, begone! Be a crash test dummy with no helmet, go where no-one has ever been before - and stay there. I mean here!

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