Showing posts with label spam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spam. Show all posts

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Ask Static: The Fifth Element

shoot to kill And now...another moment of venting and rage spewed upon the intarwib and your unlucky eyeballs.

Krapcipe: Spam Skillet Casserole - Broil until golden

* Exported from MasterSlop (a subsidy of Krap Imports)*

SPAM SKILLET CASSEROLE RECIPE by Sir Static of Krapsody - Decimator of Spammers

Recipe By : The Robot Defeating, Cannibalistic Tribes of Papua New Guinea

Serving Size : 6 Preparation Time 24:00:01

Categories : Casseroles Main dish

Ingredients and Preparation Method
1 entire SPAMMER (130-365 lbs), de-boned, and cubed
2 Baking potatoes, cut into-1/8″ slices
1 c Thinly sliced carrots
1 c Thinly sliced onions
1/2 c Thinly sliced celery
2 Garlic cloves, minced
2 tb Flour
1 t Coarsely ground pepper
3/4 t Dried whole thyme
1 cn No-salt-added green beans-drained (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added whole-tomatoes, drained and-chopped (16 oz)
1 cn No-salt-added vegetable-juice cocktail (5 1/2 oz)
Butter-flavor vegetable-cooking spray

Cook potatoes in boiling water 3 minutes or until crisp-tender. Drain. In industrial sized skillet, cook SPAMMER until browned; remove from skillet. Add carrots to skillet and saute 4-5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add onion, celery, and garlic; saute until vegetables are tender. Combine flour, pepper, and thyme. Stir flour mixture into vegetable mixture; cook 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add browned SPAM, green beans, tomato, and vegetable juice cocktail. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove skillet from heat; arrange potato slices over SPAM mixture to cover completely. Spray potato slices with vegetable cooking spray (or 1/2 gallon of the spammers lard or if unavailable 1 quart imported Iraqi petroleum oil will do). Broil 6″ from heat source *1,426 minutes and 1 second* or until golden. Garnish with the following: scalped hair, toe/fingernails, clothing and shoes.

ENJOY (teh lulz)!

spammer cannibals

Spamtasticly Spam-O-Ramalicious

Find your own damn russian mail order bride named Yulija! This one's mine.

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Yes, I'm very proud of my stupid forum postings. Am I a F-arse? But no, I am an ass.

SPAM and Urinating in a Public Pool

I'm tired of hearing spammer's lame excuses and rationalizations. Spamming newsgroups can reasonably be compared to urinating in a public pool. When they are caught, we would hear stuff like:

"Uh-- I didn't know I wasn't supposed to piss in the pool. After all, its full of water -- just like my toilet at home."

"It's a really large pool."

"No one will really care."

"I'm sure there are some people here who really WANT to swim in my piss."

"After all, this is a free pool; I can piss here if I want to."

"It's too much trouble to get up and walk all the way to the bathroom."

"How DARE they get upset over a few ounces of my piss!"

"If they don't want to swim in my piss, they should never use the pool!"

"I had to buy my bathing suit, so pissing in this pool IS costing me money! This isn't a free ride for pissers as some of you claim!"

"It is anti-American to restrict freedom of urination! Will you start censoring #2 after that?!?!?!"

"There are already big guys pissing in the pool. Why are you singling out the little guy? ...No... No, I CAN'T point out a big pisser..."

"I can't AFFORD to piss on anyone in other more expensive facilities..."

"There's no law that says I can't piss in the POOL, Article XXXXX refers to pissing in the STREET."

"I can only piss in the pool 20 times in a 45 day period? That's absurd! That's unacceptible!"

"I would like to apologize for my twin brother, who was caught pissing in the pool yesterday and gave my name. It wasn't me. Honest! I've never been near the place! He's being punished by being sent to live with relatives real far away, so you'll never see _him_ again."

"Yes, I pissed in your pool, but it was an experiment for a biology class I'm taking. Thank you for your cooperation."

"Hi, my name is Jerry Reynolds, and MCI is letting me re-route a large sewer line into your pool. Have a nice swim."

"I have been informed that you have removed my piss from your pool. My legal councel has advised me that what you did is an illegal actionable tort that infringes my civil rights and is in violation of the Sherman Anti-Trust Act, the Mann Act, and the NATO charter. You have acted without due diligence, committed liable and slander and defamed my good name with malice aforethought, and now you will pay. I have a five-figure lawyer budget and a team of private investigators who will find you. Please call my attorneys at the law firm of Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, & McCormick and give them your address so that you may be served and then arrested. Litigiously yours, Tim J Chandler Britto Sledgemore"

"I know I said I would stop pissing in the pool three months ago, but I thought 'the hell with the rest of you'."

"Since they kicked me out for pissing in this end of the pool, I'll piss in the other end of the pool."

"But I need to empty my bladder!"

"Pissing in the pool is easy, I'll show you how."

"THIS REALLY WORKS! Just send $5 to the five people who just pissed on you, piss on at least 200 more people (making sure to tell them to do the same), and within no time you won't even *need* water in the pool. Won't have to heat it either. AND ITS PERFECTLY LEGAL!!!"

"Our new "Stealth Suit" puts another swimmer's name on you so that nobody will know it is you that is pissing in the pool."

"Our market research has indicated that you wanted us to piss in your pool."

"To have the piss in your pool removed, just email your request to"

"Do you have any ticklish people in your pool? That would make me so excited, I could just piss!"

"What we are doing is not pissing. It is an act of bio-filtration that is actually removing harmful chemicals from your pool water each time we do it. If you will just visit our web site at...."

"Well if you stop me pissing from this part of the pool I'll just move to another part of the pool where I have court orders that mean I can piss from there."

"Well I'm not going to piss in the pool until Tuesday January 20th."

"Although my 'repentance' from the practice of pissing in the pool WAS genuine when I made it back in October, I have since reconsidered my position. A lot of what caused my departure from that repentance is very practical. The vast majority of you NEVER give a repentant pisser any credibility, encouragement, etc. anyway. Why attempt to change when a break is never afforded even after evidence of change (50+ days of almost no pissing whatsoever + antipissing efforts in the my own pool) is offered? I have stated that it is my intention to drastically reduce the amount of pissing that I will be doing...and the color of the water over the last few days should indicate this. I have NOT, however, repudiated my pro-pissing position."

"That terrorist anti-pool-piss radical hacked my pisser!!"

"I don't piss in the pool indiscriminately. That piss was *targeted* at you."

"So what if the pool's inundated with piss? It's the rec center's job to handle it because they decided to open up the pool."

"I only piss in the pool; I *NEVER* show anything indecent to your kids in the process."

"What's your problem? You objected to me pissing in the pool, & I had to piss *somewhere*, so of course I came to your place & pissed in your bath."

"Your attempts to stop me from urinating in a public pool are nothing but religious discrimination and a violation of my first amendment rights. What are you, some sort of racist?"

"You don't like my piss in your pool? Then just clean your pool!" ["Just hit delete!"]

"You don't want to clean my piss out of your pool yourself? Then install a filter for your pool. Or wear a wetsuit and aqualung!"

Top 5 Reasons I Hate Captcha Verification

Another personal rant that couldn’t be avoided. Image Verification. I hate them to the very core. And they just seem to be everywhere around - Digg, Blogs, Websites, Forums, Registering, etc, etc.

1. Today’s captcha’s appear quite distorted and it takes time for people to really understand what’s written there. They are extremely hard to read (even for a person with nArOml eyesight ffs) and you may have to twist your eyes in all directions to really guess what it is. And, the chances are that in your hurry you may mistake one letter and will be forced to waste more fricken time. Is that squiggly/slashy/blobby thing a letter? A number? Is it a penis? What the fuck is that?! Whoever invented captcha is an asshat!

2. Image verifications are a complete waste of time, 100% waste! How many seconds do we waste trying to not only figure out wtf the captcha image is, unless it's legible you're still wasting seconds of your life that add up and could ultimately be used to multitask elsewhere. Like organizing your vast personal collection of bodily fluids in test tubes - by adding a ladle of fresh mucous to them right now.

3. You. Have. To. Do. It. Every. Freaking. Single. Time. You. Log. In!

4. 90% of the browsers being used support JS for now until users disable it - IE, Fx, Opera, Maxthon, Avant. If you have a script blocker it makes even that much more annoying.

5. More and more bloggers and websites are using this system to protect them from SPAM, and I can’t blame them. Thanks to dickhead spammers and the advent of the spambot, the rules of the internet had to change to try to curb the net clogging jibber jabber these fuck-knuckles spearheaded hand over fist. It can cut down on the spamming a bit. BUT NOT 100%. It also makes users hump through hoops to post legitimate comments on your site. That’s a bad thing. The only thing that ensures really is it's guaranteed to drive away alot of users!

Speaking of jibber jabber... I think Mr. T sums it up. FOOL!

Take heed spammers and for the love of the internet gawds simply...

Mars Rover Returns Photo of Martian Billboard

In response to Comedy Central's billboard guerrilla marketing, the red planet has it's own.

martian billboard

INSTANT UPDATE: Carol Channing volunteers for martian marketing campaign to hit planet earth soon!

carol channing pooted

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