Daredevil and Crew Flattened by Salt Flats

Sep 5, 12:41 am EDT

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah - A motorcyclist died in a Utah land speed record attempt last Wednesday. 47-year-old Cliff Gullett of Montana was killed after losing control of his bike at 385 kilometers (239 miles) per hour and crashing on Utah’s famous Bonneville Salt Flats.

He was trying to beat the world speed record set by a
jet powered wheelchair manned by none other than
Giuseppe Ceehowstoopidiyam that I mentioned in my last article.

Reports said Gullett was aiming to set a record for the fastest two-stroke, two-cylinder motorcycle but instead failed - killing himself and his two canines, a pair of trained corgi dogs named Inky and Stinky, who operated the motorcycle for Gullett. Gullett wanted his pups to experience the thrill of setting a world land speed record and to go down in history as the "goldarned fastest motorcycle drivin' dogs ever".

Investigators weren't sure what caused Inky and Stinky and co-pilot Gullett to lose control of the motorcycle Wednesday during a time trial. Of course the dogs' errors in judgement are considered at fault in the wreck since no one is certain if it was Inky who steered the cycle too far to the left or if it was Stinky who pulled the wheel a bit too far to the right, but in any event it should be said it was Gullett's fatal error in judgement that ultimately cost them their lives.

Gullett leaves behind a wife, a 15-year-old-son, a 10-year-old daughter, a tricycle stunt trained hampster named Spanky and a enormous stack of porn that impressed "the pornstack king" himself, Larry Flint.

larry flint lol

I Get a Kick Out of You

Here's a weird one for ya. Feet get a new pedicure treat. A pedicure if you didn't know is a way to improve the appearance of the feet, and their nails. Commonly using a pumice stone to remove dead skin and clipping the nails and filing them all, adding a bit of polish and then a good rub down with some oil.

And if you don't know what a foot is, you have REAL problems.
According to Urban Dictionary
4. foot

Lower extremity, used for walking.

Same thing used to put in someone's ass, because he or she deserved it.
Ok, now that we have that covered.

Do your foot problems got YOU down? Corns, bunions, dry feet, hang nails. Not anymore.

In Alexandria, Virginia, a spa is selling customers time with a tank of water full of fish that gobble up the dead skin off your crusty ass feet.

That's right, you put your feet in the tank and these puckered foot suckers go at it like there's no tomorrow. This certainly is a new approach to pedicures, gone are the days when Mrs. Wong grinds off that nasty callous on your heel with a belt sander.

According to AP 5,000 customers paid up to $50 for the process called Dr. Fish to smooth out their feet. The only drawback is....

"Apparently the fish in the communal tank would sometimes ignore customers to engage in a feeding frenzy on one client who REALLY needed a pedicure."

A feeding frenzy you say? Did they forget to mention what kind of fish these are?

Dr. Fish

Ahhhh, now it all makes sense. One customer exclaimed, "It's spectacular. You go in with feet and legs and you roll out on stumps!"
Best read the fine print next time?

article courtesy of CNBC.COM
Be sure to read the section on the jet powered wheelchair. It's a Darwin Award in the making. Good stuff!

"Holy KWAP!"

The Psychedelic Voodoo Lounge On Acid

"Turn On, Tune In, Drop Veg Out" man.

Stat Hendrix jams on stage with a fender stratocaster by ~Static~

People come to Krapsody for strange facts, weird tidbits and useless information. And so here's a bit more of that for ya.

You are in luck friends. Thanks to Darkroastedblend.com who compiled all the oddities the furniture making world has to offer, now you too can have a Meat Mirror!

meat mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the meatiest of them all? Mmm, STEAKY. I like mine medium rare to well done with a side of mashed potates and gravy and wow suddenly I am like getting hungry and stuff.

OR how about that Armadillo Shell Lamp you've always wanted?

armadillo shell lamp

That's like a gag gift you give to your in-laws who have all that cheesy southwestern decor in their home. But then they love your gift so much they encourage all those cheesy friends of theirs that live on their block who have the same exact decor to buy one too.

Which leads me to present... the Cactus Couch! You just can't beat this prickly addition in your livingroom for those quiet cozy evenings at home in front of the fire or the t.v. set. Comes with a handy first aid kit. Can you say, "pass the tweezers, please"?

cactus couch
(This should be your in-law back up gag gift).

Not weird enough? How about these then.

bookcases from alice in dumpsterland
table piss

You know you really have to have a sense of humor to own the table that looks like it's answering the call of mother nature on your floor.

If you have your living space covered then how about a new bathroom fixture?

I just shat 20 goldfish

I've always wanted that uncomfortable "feel like I'm being watched while I take a dump" sensation. Thanks to the manufacturer of this modern miracle now I can.

I just shat 20 goldfish. Hmm... wonder how THAT happened.

And if you're homeless, I'm sorry but there are no psychedelic boxes to choose from yet. But I'm sure the distributors of these fine articles may go that route when they start shipping these out in mass quantities (which will likely be never). But if you're homeless you probably don't have a computer, so you won't read this and consequently aren't missing out on anything.

 Let me leave you all with a psychesqualidelic song.

Edit: Song credit 'Purple Veins' by The Jimi Homeless Experience

Your Dream Job is Awaiting You - You Asshat

Want a cush consulting job in information technology? Well wait no longer. If your dream job is in the field of I.T. consulting then all you need is a clip-on tie and a rudimentary understanding of the dangers of fire; "fire bad - computers good." If you can make hand tools with flint rock you are in like Flynn, you furrow browed neanderthal.

Just be sure to plug-in that desktop system whilst standing in a bucket of water you slobbering halfwit. Before you say, c'mon now.. that's not true, that can't be true. No one's that f*cking stupid. Invariably, first person detection of third person f*cktardation is almost always immediately followed by denial, often verbally expressed, especially in the form,
"No one's THAT f*cking stupid."

I say, YES, yes they are. I've dealt with them. I digress.

Want a second opinion? Just ask Mark of Neonbubble.com for examples on exactly how stupid an I.T. consultant can be. Be sure to put in your applications if your IQ is 60 or under.

All I can say is, holy shit. If I didn't know any better I'd say that the I.T. employee Mark works with is employed by the federal or state government here in the states, or possibly the IRS. How do these techtards get these jobs? Did McDonald's fire them because they couldn't figure out how the register works and so then I.T. consulting companies pick these stupes up off the curb? Completely mind-blowing.

Stumbled it
(how could I not?) :)

Beasts of Burden

Take a moment and inhale a deep breath. Pictured below are two dolphins. Briefly look at the image and determine your stress level according to the indicator located below the photo.

dolphin cow stress test

If you can see both dolphins, then your stress level is within the acceptable range.

If you see anything other than two dolphins, like two star-nosed moles mating with an elephant shrew, a pack of alaskan minks, three dozen flying fish - two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree... then you are either extremely stressed out, on drugs and experiencing hallucinations or you are stark raving mad and in any event you need to take a day off from work.

Do it. Do it now or see if anyone gives a shit if you continue to jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. While you are at it... see how many you can do at a time and if anyone interrupts by telling you to "have a nice day" or "maybe you need to take some time off", tell them you have other plans.

This serene stress level test makes me recall a news article at CNN regarding
Two teenage girls who decided to test 60 samples of seafood. Their tests determined that sushi lovers aren't always getting what they ordered.

[The test [sic] results showed that 25 percent of the girls' samples were mislabeled: half of the restaurant samples and six out of 10 grocery store samples.

In every case, less desirable or cheaper fish was substituted for its more expensive counterpart...]

Hmm, SHOCKING! Not really. Not when you consider that McDonald's beef is a combination of rat and kangaroo meat. True story. I always assumed sushi was simply diced-up dolphins that did not make it through tuna fisher's nets. And as far as McDonald's Filet-O-Fish® is concerned, well I think we can safely say that is where Flipper ended up after his television series flopped (no pun intended).

I hate to think what is in a McChicken sandwich...

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